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Original poster

Do you agree the school completely messed up ?

133 replies

Alonggoesthetit · 19/04/2017 15:19

On Mother's Day, we were told that my fil was terminally ill and only had weeks to live. One of his last wishes was to see the kids (13 and 10) before he got too ill. We have organised to go on the Tuesday and to come back on the Thursday. Eldest 's school is very strict about absence so I called the attendance officer and explained that my father in law was dying that he wanted to see his grand kids a last time before things got really bad. It's relevant to say that ds had 100 % attendance, he never missed a day at school even when ill.

I was confident that this 2 days and a half absence was going to be accepted. I picked ds up at lunchtime on the Tuesday. I saw him and he still didn't have the authorisation. He got told by the secretary that if he couldn't find his head of year, he had to get his authorisation from the deputy head.

He did that but got told no I won't sign that. Ds was tearful, I was completely stunned. He invited to the conference room to talk. I explained that ds's grand dad was dying and that we all needed to go to spend some time with him. It was one of his last wishes. The deputy head refused to authorise the Wednesday and Thursday off...he only authorised the Tuesday afternoon, suggested we go then come back in the evening (it's in Devon)... He said that if ds didn't come back, he will be given 15 hours after school, we will be fined, he will be considered a truant.

At that point, ds was really upset and I was shocked. We went to meet dh then we left for Devon. All we talked about was the situation at school when we should have been trying to spend quality time with my fil. My father in law was to ds, don't worry go back to school, it's shocking but I don't want you to be in trouble because of me. Ds was also adamant he was going back to school as he didn't want to be in trouble.

So we went, we caught an early train and ds was back at school on time. I left my dh and my other ds there.

Things went from bad to worst for my fil and he passed away in the night Thursday to Friday..2 days after we last saw him.

I complaint to the school and we are going to meet with the school this week. I don't know what I want from this thread just acknowledgment of our treatment. We have been treated dreadfully ? We had the right to make my ds miss school isn't it ?

OP posts:
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CauliflowerSqueeze · 29/04/2017 14:45

Is this a Harris Academy by any chance?!

ASDismynormality · 26/04/2017 13:45

I also think the deputy should apologise too!

QuackDuckQuack · 26/04/2017 07:56

I think he should apologise too.

Spadequeen · 26/04/2017 07:41

Bullshit. He should apologise

Original poster
Alonggoesthetit · 26/04/2017 06:34

Quack - no apologies from him as he was doing his job apparently

OP posts:
QuackDuckQuack · 25/04/2017 13:12

Did the deputy head who caused the problem apologise in person?

Peregrina · 25/04/2017 12:59

I think what is poor is that it was done in front of your DS. It should have been a conversation between you and the school. Your phone call to the school should have been enough for them to authorise it. I'm glad that at least your DS did get the chance to see his Grandfather before he passed away.

honeysucklejasmine · 25/04/2017 12:37

Massively unacceptable on behalf of the deputy head. If he wasn't sure of the situation he should have spoken to the attendance officer first. Properly. Very poor.

TipTop333 · 25/04/2017 07:39

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP, and more sorry that, as you said, you will never get that time back.

Quite right that they apologised. Unfortunately, I'm sure you will struggle to trust them now.

The thing about people having 5-6 grandmas dying is correct. It is shocking how many parents actually make up that a relative is dying so a student can take time off school. The relative always lives abroad and it always falls just after a school holiday. I have actually seen before it be pointed out to parents/students that "erm... that relative has passed away before...". However these students have poor attendance records usually, and they should have recognised that this is not typical for you.

Original poster
Alonggoesthetit · 25/04/2017 07:35

Apparently the school attendance officer sent a mail to ds's head of year to ask for this absence. Head of year never got back to us. Overzealous deputy head didn't try to understand and refused categorically to allow the absence. This conversation should never have been happening in front of ds. If it was not for this idiot intimating my son, I would have take him away regardless of what deputy head said.

OP posts:
Specialmeasuresofgin · 25/04/2017 07:27

I've worked in many schools and this is what exceptional circumstances are for.

Whether they have people with several Grans 'dying' twice is irrelevant.
They behaved appallingly to refuse the absence. To threaten what would be a child grieving on return for the loss of a grandparent in detention for fifteen hours is absolutely awful and tbh would make me consider moving schools unless my opinion of the school otherwise was very good and my child and I personally both received an apology.

honeysucklejasmine · 25/04/2017 07:26

What do they mean, communication breakdown?

flippinada · 25/04/2017 07:16

They is awful OP, I'm so sorry you were treated with such insensitivity by the school over this. I'm glad you've had a full apology but as you say, your DS can't get the time back with his Grandad.

Original poster
Alonggoesthetit · 25/04/2017 07:10

It doesn't give us the time back but I have to let it go isn't it ? We were victim of a school communication breakdown apparently which is being investigated. Also, we were told that some pupils had at least 5 or 6 grandmas dying ... some family lies so they can leave early on holidays and pay cheaper plane tickets

OP posts:
Peregrina · 25/04/2017 00:12

They admitted they messed up and apologised profusely.

But that doesn't give your DS his time back with his granddad. At least you may have stopped some other grandparent and child suffering the same.

ToffeeCaramel · 24/04/2017 21:03
Sad
Original poster
Alonggoesthetit · 24/04/2017 20:56

Thank you. They admitted they messed up and apologised profusely.

OP posts:
QuackDuckQuack · 24/04/2017 18:15

Sorry for your loss. How did it go today?

LordRothermereBlackshirtCunt · 22/04/2017 08:36

We teach our youngsters a days' attendance at school is more important than a dying granddad? God help this country.

Well, it sets them up for the world of work, doesn't it? Where the employer's convenience and profit comes before anything else, and the worker drones better not have the nerve to be human.

Sorry for your loss, OP Flowers

Maylani · 22/04/2017 08:28

We teach our youngsters a days' attendance at school is more important than a dying granddad? God help this country.

RaspberryIce · 20/04/2017 22:18

Thanks for the explanation.

youarenotkiddingme · 20/04/2017 22:05

Ds school has the Inco. Then there are Lsa's and they have specific roles. Some are Elsa trained, some do traveller support and some are keyworkers (so ds has a keyworker because he needs more support).

Then they have family support worker who does attendance work and a school nurse who does medical.
The HOY will deal with some pastoral stuff too.
Then within the school pupils have roles such as bullying ambassadors who support pupils who have been bullied and keep an eye out.

It works well.

LornaD40 · 20/04/2017 21:59

Oh and depends on the schools structure. We have a pastoral lead for each year group. Other schools might have an attendance officer, safeguarding lead etc which work across the whole school. Primaries generally have a home school link worker or similar.

LornaD40 · 20/04/2017 21:58

Raspberry - generally attendance, behaviour, safeguarding/child protection and pretty much everything other than teaching/learning (for me it is the above plus friendship issues, medical stuff)l

RaspberryIce · 20/04/2017 21:47

Silly question but which staff in a school are pastoral staff and what are their responsibilities?