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Original poster

When parents are slagging off the local comp...

779 replies

Everyoneafter3 · 17/04/2017 08:43

I've posted before about my concerns over the local secondary, which, thanks to comments on this board and an excellent recent Ofsted, are very much allayed. I had a very good read of school newsletters etc and am much happier. Dd1 (Y4) is musically gifted and will also audition for a specialist music school.

The area in which we live is very affluent: many children round here go to fee-paying independent schools. These dc are going to school and telling my dd (and others) that the local secondary is rubbish ("my mum and dad say..."). One particularly stupid parent has said at home that "no child of mind will set foot in x school" which of course is coming back home with our dd.

Dd1 has now got it into her head that the local school is terrible, that she's really upset to go to not a good school, that she wishes we weren't poor (we're not! But no, we can't afford independent school fees without having to sacrifice other stuff we prioritise as a family). She's been researching exam results and all sorts.

For our part we've said well look at any local school she'd like to, although as we live across the road from the school in question it'd be unlikely that she'd get in.

I'm heartily sick of parents telling their dc how awful the local school is. It's simply not fair. My dc won't receive a 'lesser' education. They aren't going to a 'rubbish' school. If this continues I'm tempted to speak to their current primary school tbh. What else can I do? I've told dd to not listen, we've looked at the school website, talked about results (!) but I'm at a loss.

OP posts:
oklumberjack · 17/04/2017 09:08

Sorry *wasn't the feeder secondary school.

oklumberjack · 17/04/2017 09:07

I sympathise.

I didn't quite gave the same situation as you but I had a LOT of unwanted/unasked for comments on our choice of secondary school for my dd last year.

Where I was, I was virtually the only parent in the whole year (2 form entry) to chose a school (still a state comp) that went the feeder secondary. Our feeder secondary doesn't get the best results, but by no means atrocious results. However I felt the School we chose was slighter better for my dd - more drama, music and yes, better academic results. From March 4th I had parents (and indeed some TA's at the primary) telling me how awful the school I'd chosen was. How I was crazy. I was even told that I was no longer part of the community. It really affected my dd. She had to bat away lots of inflammatory comments made by other pupils (that fad obviously home from their parents).
I was very upset by the whole thing at the time. Without sounding really braggy, my dd is by no means a genius but I think it may have been because my dd was one of the cleverest academically in the class and it un-nerved people that we'd gone out on a limb. ^^

Fast forward 7 months into Year 7 and we definitely made the right choice for us. I'm happy her old friends are happy too. It's just that no-ones asks me how she is. No-one dares mention her. Like she's disappeared. The whole thing has been bizarre.

Sorry to detrail your thread OP.

Basically, what I think it is - is the other parents are uneasy that you've chosen different to them and almost subconsciously makes them question themselves.
I have a friend down in Harpendon who is constantly having to defend her use of state schools. She's choosing state for secondary and is finding it tough comments-wise.

I was advised to just not mention school choices, but people used to cross the playground and email/text me to ask (and then slag off)

Sigh.

Original poster
Everyoneafter3 · 17/04/2017 09:03

Believe me I've done all of that, and it's dd that has been researching results: I didn't even know she knew what a GCSE was until she started going on about them!

We are being unfailingly positive at home but she's surrounded by children at her primary who are repeating what their parents are saying.

OP posts:
happygardening · 17/04/2017 08:56

I personally think that if you believe in your choice (what ever it is) and talk positively about it your children will do the same. Tell your DD that every school will have its supporters and detractors, this is life, but as long and you and she are happy that is all that matters.
Results are fairly meaningless to children especially in the early years talk up other positives; extra curricular stuff, great friends, lovely form teacher, easy walk to school brilliant head etc etc.