DD given a Prefect role on a 'probationary' basis - singled out for not complying with school rules, which is news to us

dont mention the peers' skirts. Ask if she can meet with the tutor to talk about it. Seriously overkill for you to come in, IMO.

Soubds to me like your dd is rude to her form teacher. You can be rude in lots of ways. Eg answering back arguing rolling her eyes etc etc. She is now trying to get you to see her as a victim as she has been called on it by having the probation period.

I would have thought If it's a state school the teachers & staff have the same workload with just regular teaching & admin as a school does with 400 or 2000 students in it.

I had a phone call from one of dd's subject tutors in Yr 12. She was basically unhappy with her attitude, as evidenced by eating during class and taking her shoes off under the desk.

I refrained from pointing out that another tutor (the Head of 6th form, as it happened) actively encouraged them to snack during class (going so far as to sending people out to the canteen with a tenner to get muffins on a regular basis) and to curl up and be comfy on sofas during seminars, as I fully recognised that this wouldn't help the situation. Dd had to learn that different teachers/future work bosses would have different expectations. I happened also to think that the teacher was a bit of a bitch who clearly didn't like dd (the first we'd come across in her whole school career).

Did I let that come across in the telephone call? Of course not. I apologised on dd's behalf and told her I would speak to her about it and that it would not happen again.

Dd huffed and puffed a bit, I told her to get over it. She sharpened up her act and by the end of the year she and the teacher were the best of friends and were raving about each other! She also got a bloody good grade when she took her A level in that subject the following year so all's well that ends well.

I am thinking of going in and speaking to the Deputy Head (she is the pastoral lead) and - in a non confrontational and neutral way - asking her to walk me through what the issues are

That sounds very sensible.

and to ask that if dd is on probation in this role for half a term that she gets weekly review meetings (with another teacher present - not just the Form teacher) to give immediate feedback on whether she has transgressed that week.

Huge ask to do formal weekly meetings, so much just for your DD. Not reasonable, imho.

I am always surprised by people who refuse to see teachers don't like all pupils equally. Good teachers don't let it show.

From the fact that there are teachers in schools which are in special measures I think we all know that not every teacher is a good teacher.

There was a recent case of a teacher sanctioned for unprofessional behaviour - will link in a moment.

Honestly OP I think you might be the reason for this.

She was sent outside and went to the library. She was meant to do what she was asked. You're excusing it.

If she was a prefect they would be asked to do things. She would not be reliable if she just went somewhere else because of this.

You have it in your head that the form tutor has it in for her. This means that you will have agreed with her that she is the poor victim while the form tutor is picking on her. Even if you've not used those words, you have definitely given that impression. This creates a rift between home and school: far from actually supporting your daughter you are creating more tension and anxiety. She is now not sure whether or not to comply with the form tutor or to (much more attractive option) do her own thing, knowing mum has her back.

Your best bet would be to have a far more casual and relaxed approach to this, rather than helicoptering and meddling and making out that situations you only know of through the eyes of an irritated teen are unfair. Say instead: "well that sounds like a bummer. Why not ask your tutor if you can discuss it, say you are really keen for the job and can he let you know when your behaviour isn't reaching the correct standard and when it is. I'm confident that you can resolve this yourself. You could say 'hi sir, could I have a little meeting with you at some point today or tomorrow?' - teachers will respect someone trying to sort out the issue themselves. Let me know how you get on"

Give her a pointer and leave the ball in her court. When you say you might have a "non-confrontational" discussion - why? Give her the tools to do it herself.

Yes I think she or you should speak to the pupil support teacher your Dd is obviously struggiling and wants to fit in so maybe find out from a neutral teacher what is going on. Anxiety in teenagers sometimes make small problems catastrophic for them.

She ought to ask him to guide and support her during the probationary period I think that's an excellent idea.

If you speak to the form teacher - it's likely if she's being in any way unfair to your dd, she will be aware of it. Describing the way your dd is feeling and asking for solutions could work - calling out a relationship problem is often enough to solve it.

Is her form teacher her guidance /pupil support teacher ?

Hmm. A normal response to the teacher's 'glare' would have been a neutral look or a quick acknowledgement if they weren't doing anything wrong. Scuttling into a changing room (and probably giggling!) just doesn't show maturity for a prefect you have to admit!

You might be absolutely right that the Head teacher might be unfair, but the problem is that everything is subjective. He must have HIS valid reasons for not liking your DD and thinking that she is not ready to be a prefix. The fact that your DD, and you by proxi don't agree doesn't mean that he is wrong.

Maybe all the girls roll their skirts, but maybe they stopped doing that many weeks before your DD did. Maybe when they were asked to do so, they stopped and didn't wait to be around the corner to put it back up, and then seen by another teacher who reported her to the Head. Or maybe when they did, they responded very politely whereas your daughter put it down with attitude with her body language.

What your DD and you need to accept is that fairness is often subjective and you can't do much about it in hierarchical structure unless you can prove discrimination, which is very difficult to do anyway.

Your DD needs to learn from it. As it's been said, she will face people who take a dislike in you for what seems to be unfair reasons and you will need to manage it. The director of my department took a dislike of me after a couple of month in my role. He was being unfair in his assessment, but instead of trying to fight a battle, I changed my way to prove him that what he thought I was doing wrong, I was actually very good at. 2 years later and I am being promoted.

Hope it all works out. I'd have loved to have been a prefect at school; my mother still believes that I would have been appointed except for one senior teacher vetoing it. There's enough reason that she could be right.

Apparently they are not complying with school rules ... She and every other girl who has been selected as Prefects all [roll their skirts too high] - including the head girl, and dd is adamant she is no worse than anyone else

So it isn't just skirt rolling that is the problem, there are other things - like going to the Library when she was expressly told to go outside.

I think that you and the school need to handle this carefully. At the moment she is on a "behave or else" threat. The trouble with issuing ultimatums is that you have to follow through: if she doesn't get to be a prefect then she may go off the rails and be even worse next year. It's in everyone's interests (that includes you) that she behaves and is accepted.
She also needs to grow a backbone and realise that she is in charge of her future. Stop trying to blame other people (eg teacher) for her downfall. Tell her to be more proactive with the Form Teacher: speak to her like a human being, tell her what efforts have been made that week and ask for feedback i.e. make sure the teacher 'catches her being good'. Don't wait for contact (which always seems to be a telling off).