are you told your child is quiet in class?

I was always told in an accusatory tone that I was 'quiet'. Every darned school report said a variation of "quiet/day-dreamer/shy" in a negative way. I hated it. I couldn't help the way I was but they spoke as if I could. As if it was a fault.

I would guess its introversion as others have said up thread. I have only just discovered this is me recently but wonder if I'm an Ambivert as I really enjoyed drama/performing too.

The book 'Quiet' by Susan Cain was revelation to me. She also did a short TEDTalk on it. Think it's on youtube.

Really nothing to worry about.

When dc1 got that sort of comments in secondary, it's because he wasn't participating or involving himself in class.
It was very much an issue with his attitude to learning rather than anxiety or being an introvert iyswim.

Dc2 had that sort of comments A LOT in primary. He had very good reasons for that incl some language issues etc... I don't think I've ever related that to him. In that case, it was very much a live and live situation.
I did mean that he was always forgotten though, the quiet child that doesn't create problems and is doing OK ish (or so we think...). Lets focus on someone else.

I get very frustrated that quietness is seen so negatively. The world seems geared towards loud people.

I was a quiet child and I am constantly being told about how quiet both DDS are. So? They are hard working and well-behaved so why does it matter if they're quiet?

I'm now a teacher and have no problem with quiet children in my class.

We've been told for years she's quiet, they want to hear more from her. She's now in Year 11 so they're now concentrating on the next step. She's done a mock interview at school and was told there was absolutely nothing she could improve on - others were told they needed to make eye contact, smile a bit more, prepare better. She's applied to two other schools for sixth form that give parents feed back, both of which say they were very impressed and offered her places. Even if she's quiet, she's obviously managing to put herself across in the right way with the right level of confidence!

Another aspect is that some kids "overthink" and won't say/write what they think is the bleeding obvious, expecting a more complicated/astute answer instead.

I'd only just noticed this trait in my son a few months, as we've been going through practice exam papers together. Some we do verbally to cover more subject matter more quickly. I asked him to tell me the answer to, say, a simple Physics question and he sits there dumb and I have to really press him for an answer. Yet, when I show him a really complex question he just says the answer in full technical terms. Only by reading the answers/examiners notes have I managed to persuade him that if a question looks simple, it probably is simple and only needs a very basic "noddy" answer.

DS was always described as the quiet one, pleasant and no trouble. Unfortunately in a class where low level disruption was normal DS slipped under the radar. He isnt academic and in classes where the disruptive students were pulling attention to themselves DS didnt get the support he needed (mild dyslexia).

He is now at college doing a subject he enjoys but also having to resit his English GCSE to get a pass grade which he needs for his hoped for career.

My daughter used to be like this,she went from very quiet to starting to join in, to contributing nicely to an active participant by the time she left. The teachers themselves managed it and they saw it as a positive progression, but it was a small all girls school so they were able to draw her out.

She had and still has an unusual ethos though. She discussed and got involved only if it interested her, she's never contributed for the sake of it. If it didn't interest her she totally ignored it and got on with something else. Used to annoy her if she though the lesson was being way laid by excessive discussion on something she felt was irrelevant.🙄

She's now 19 and in her second year of a law degree and I'd say she's exactly the same. She contributes but only when she has something to say on the matter, past that she ignores it and feels irritated. She's naturally quite shy and can lack confidence in her interactions so speaks up only when she has something she feels strongly she wishes to say or argue.

They are who they are. Unless you think he's lacking in confidence, I wouldn't worry.

Teachers prefer chatty children because it's easier for them to assess them.
I think that the only time that it's a negative trait is when a child doesn't ask for help when they need it.
I was a quiet kid and so are mine. I was raised to be respectful and listen to the teacher and felt irritated by the kids who shouted out or wasted the teacher's time with low level disruption. (Before anyone screams Special Needs, I know children with Special Needs who know how to behave in class and believe that many kids who misbehave are neurotypical)

I have 2 quiet children
I can see that it may be really frustrating for a teacher when you probably know that a student could contribute something really good in class.
But..at the same time kids wo talk all the time are really irritating to everyone apart from their own parents so I'm kind of glad my 2 are quiet

Often children who are quiet get marked down in a variety of areas. Quiet DD did a written book review. She hadn't found the book scintillating so described it and explained why she hadn't liked it.
The very socially adept child next to her copied all The superlatives the teacher had put on the board to guide them and called the book an excellent read.
Teacher marked work and called the loud girl's review excellent and DD's accurate.
It's difficult because you want them to be their own person, but being ingratiating and vocal takes you a long way.

I have two DSs 16 and 15. One is quiet at home and the other isn't.

Both are always described as "quiet" in class and have been since they started school. The one that is always quiet is quite socially anxious but is doing well in school and has a nice group of friends who are similar to him. The noisy one does contribute in class more (has to really given the subjects he's chosen tend to spark more debate), he is doing less well academically and i think the people he hangs about with at school (i wouldn't really call them friends at this point) drag him down a bit as he is easily led and if I'm honest isn't as focussed and is a bit lazy. There is nothing wrong with the boys he hangs about with, they are just less academically able than DS and I don't count them as friends as he doesn't socialise or have anything to do with them out of school.

Every parents evening I make a bet with DD about how many of her teachers will say that she's quiet/needs to speak up more in class - I think it peaked at about 8/10 teachers in year 8.

She's now year 9, and although they still say similar things, this year several teachers said that although she doesn't exactly push herself forward, she does contribute well in small group discussions and other ways (and her marks are excellent in written work), so they are happy with her. She is highly academic, but I think slightly lacking in confidence when there are other bright but more outgoing children in class.

Yes my dd. She also gets marked down for being quiet. Her termly report yesterday gives her a flurry of expected grade 8's at gcse but her class effort is low for every subject. She just wont join in due to anxiety. She keeps herself to herself and she hates the drama of teenagers. Shes a school librarian specifically to stay out the way of the louder children.
Im not worried she's doing well and has lots of extracurricular hobbies including kickboxing which the staff always raise an eyebrow to when they find out because she doesn't seem the sort

I used to get this at school a few decades ago. It just made be worse and increased my anxiety levels to the extent that I started spending the entire lesson just worrying about being asked questions and it got so bad, I'd stay numb and not say anything even if a teacher asked a question I knew the answer to.

In the first year parents' at secondary, a few teachers mentioned it about my son, despite getting top marks in tests and for homework etc. I turned it back to them and asked them if they were happy with progress - they all said yes, so I said "well what's the problem then" - they couldn't answer! It seems they just like gobby kids who contribute more. He's now in year 10 and still getting top marks, so it's done him no harm by not making a big deal of it, and over the years, he has started to contribute more.

So, don't stress about it and don't make a big deal of it. Some kids are naturally quiet. The more you make an issue of it, you risk them becoming more anxious and worsening the situation.

Both my girls are quiet in class and every parents evening the only criticism they had was that they didn't contribute much. They always have top grades and their contribution was said (by the teachers) to be more for the benefit of others. My eldest used to say, if I know the answer, why do I need to tell everyone I know the answer? My youngest is more reluctant due to slight anxiety, but neither liked children they saw as showing off and neither liked drama. It has not affected either of their progress. I wouldn't worry about it.

This is my dd too. Just had Y9 parents evening. She's inwardly confident and extremely vocal when engrissed in team sports so I'm not worried. Class dynamics seem to make a big difference to her so there are some classes she'll contribute in more comfortably than others.

This was me at school. My mum always said to me the teachers said I was too quiet and didn't say anything. This was said every single school year.

I still am quiet at work now. I got good exam results though and have a good job!

Get this every year but this time dd had contributed more in French, discovered a joy in debating in RE and been described as a quiet leader in PE.....Ds still reluctant to participate in class but apparently knows the answer when asked.

Went to parents evening. Pretty much everyone was saying DS was quiet in class. When we got to geog teacher he ssid - well what do you think I am going to ssy about DS? I said tgat he is quiet. He laughed and said ' oh no DS has plenty to say in geography and some of it is even about geography!!' 😂😂

Yes my eldest is I. Yr 9 and I had lots of this and in the end at parents evening I said to her " ok what do you feel about this ?" She said she just doesn't do all the drama and would rather read. So that's what I told them, I've since had calls saying kids have told teachers they think she's suicidal and anxious, speaking to my daughter this is because the girls reporting it were trying to draw her into their drama ( pick sides) so she said " for gods sake, I hate my life"
She is happy, she is mature she doesn't speak up because of all the hormonal drama at school, I told the school I'm glad they take this seriously but that she is happier with her books and a couple of casual mates, we aren't all social butterflies. Hth

If I say this its just information and context, so you have a picture of them in class during the day. I don't think it's a point to improve, a problem or something that needs changing. Some really confident kids are that quietly, some just (very charmingly) shy, some like listening. You always get the best little nuggets of insight into what kids think from watching 'the quiet' one - they are often the most insightful as they take everything in, without directly influencing it