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Original poster

Is this punishment 'fair enough' and normal practice?

135 replies

youarenotkiddingme · 04/02/2017 10:07

So a child in yr 7 is walking through school with friends.

See's older pupils wearing something non uniform policy. It's very obviously not in keeping with the school. The school have a massive image complex and drum it into the pupils.

Pupils makes a comment to friends about how come they get away with it, they don't like the image and then says it makes them look like (but not racist/ disablist or anything)

Teacher overheard the comment (or rather the context of conversation) and pupil out on harshest detention they dish out for using an unkind word.

I'm being vague as don't want to be outed.

But I'm wondering if it's normal to punish children so harshly for a comment made in passing to friends in a corridor?
(Teacher admits they didn't actually hear word first time and only know exactly what was said as pupil asked and she told her)

OP posts:
Orangetoffee · 04/02/2017 13:22

So she said the other girl looked really tarty because of the rolled up skirt, well deserved punishment then, that kind of attitude needs to be confronted and changed.

pizzatray · 04/02/2017 13:22

Sounds like a perfectly reasonable punishment to me.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/02/2017 13:20

Tart / tarty is a horrible misogynistic phrase. If I were a teacher I'd come down in it like a ton of bricks.

And why wouldn't we assume it was your child? You are terribly clever catching us out like that aren't you? Hmm

Original poster
youarenotkiddingme · 04/02/2017 13:04

Well no - the parent thinks it's harsh!

I listened and I'm very much there are consequences to actions type person. My own DS gets short shrift for complaining about getting caught out!

However, I surprised myself on this occasion by actually seeing where the parent was coming from.

School is spending inordinate amounts of time and energy in teaching these yr7 that they need to wear a certain length skirt, inappropriateness of short skirts etc etc. Harsh punishments for uniform infringements and in one case (another parent I know) DC was given a baby wipe to remove a bad if concealer she'd put on a spot because 'make up isn't allowed'. It had been discovered by make up inspection by HOY.
Yet the upper years are allowed to wear old style which they can and do roll up! (Some shorter than their blazers!)

So this girl has really taken on board the views the school have given. She's actually not a bad kid - I've known her for a long long time. She's actually quite quiet but obviously hears all the discussion in school about the unfairness between the upper/lower etc.

Her friend commented on the length of skirts and that you couldn't even tell one pupil was wearing a skirt.

The girl then said she knows and doesn't like the look anyway as it looks really tarty.

The teacher heard and asked what she said and then have the 1 hour HT detention.

The girl is mortified. She's not a bad kid. She didn't mean to cause offence.

So whilst I can see why the school felt it necessary to intervene to teach her appropriate use of language and effects of language in public I found myself agreeing it seemed harsh.

But then I know then very well and wondered if perhaps my emotions were getting in the way too!

Fwiw my friend didn't complain to school or refuse the DT. She didn't discuss it being harsh in front of her DD. It was a convo we had alone over coffee.

OP posts:
Merlin40 · 04/02/2017 12:58

I have year 7 - they are really impressionable and I think we have a duty to make expectations clear early on. It is hard to judge the circumstance without details, but I'd trust their judgement.

ReginaGeorgeinSheepsClothing · 04/02/2017 12:51

Echoing molly what was the word if it was 'factual' does the child and their parent believe this word which was bad enough for a detention?

Floggingmolly · 04/02/2017 12:47

Also; the child wasn't just stating a fact. They look like xxxx, is not a "fact". It's an unsolicited and very rude opinion.

Floggingmolly · 04/02/2017 12:45

But the child was punished for name calling, not a uniform infringement? It's a completely different issue Confused

Original poster
youarenotkiddingme · 04/02/2017 12:28

I love the fact some people assume that a) the child is mine and b) i think it's a harsh punishment.

I am being vague because it's not my child. I had another parent tell me the story and said they felt it harsh as child was just stating a fact to her friend. Not actually calling pupils name to their face. I would consider the term used as possibly derogatory but nothing I haven't heard used by other parents to describe their own kids when dressed the same!

I was actually unsure as could see both schools POV and that of parent. The reason I see the parents POV is that the school seems extremely harsh on yr 7 about things they aren't enforcing in upper years. I assume it's start on them in yr 7 and pick your battles with the ones leaving in next 18 months so they slowly enforce the new level of strictness until it's embedded?

It's causing a lot of friction between pupils though.

OP posts:
Bensyster · 04/02/2017 12:22

It's interesting how you mention the strictness of the school uniform as if that's an excuse for unpleasant behaviour. It's good to see that the school seem to care about manners as well as their image.

hareagain · 04/02/2017 11:06

DS, year 8, called someone fat at school and the other person punched him in the face. Teachers didn't hear or see any of it. School punished them equally.
The year 7 in question should certainly be punished. Name calling/using offensive language aimed at another person is not acceptable.

Merlin40 · 04/02/2017 11:02

Was the word gay?

And what's the harshest detention.

I would judge on the circumstance, but have given anything from lunchtime detention to day in isolation for unkind single words this week.

ChocoChou · 04/02/2017 10:55

Sounds like a perfectly acceptable punishment.
Also sounds like you're one of the parents that will forever excuse your child's poor behaviour Hmm

WomanWithAltitude · 04/02/2017 10:54

Which derogatory words would be ok, rollon? Are there any?

VintagePerfumista · 04/02/2017 10:53

Sounds good to me.

WomanWithAltitude · 04/02/2017 10:52

I would expect using derogatory terms to warrant a harsh punishment as standard. Any school that didn't do that would be doing its job.

Uniform infringements are petty in comparison, and would deserve a lighter punishment.

rollonthesummer · 04/02/2017 10:51

Depends on the word.

Somerville · 04/02/2017 10:47

The same schools that have high expectations/strict enforcement on uniform often also have high expectations/strict enforcement on behaviour. And good for that school.

KateDaniels2 · 04/02/2017 10:41

So the child got detention for using a derogatory word about another pupil?

And you think thats harsh?

I think its perfectly acceptable.

PolterGoose · 04/02/2017 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Laniakea · 04/02/2017 10:33

did the year 7 child call the older pupils sluts?

user1484226561 · 04/02/2017 10:30

What an awful thing to do.Your DD was bullying. There is no justification for loud spiteful comments in public about another individual. Very nasty behaviour indeed.

I'm surprised you are not dishing out your "harshest" sanction at home too. What are you doing do teach your child that their behaviour is unacceptable, ( and that she is absolutely in no position to judge someone else who's situation she knows nothing about either)

Eolian · 04/02/2017 10:28

First, it's impossible to say whether it's fair without knowing what the word is. Second, how harsh can a detention actually be unless you're at Hogwarts?

BitOutOfPractice · 04/02/2017 10:25

I notice you didn't say the word wasn't misogynistic op. Was it?

Floggingmolly · 04/02/2017 10:23

It doesn't depend at all. If the school pride themselves in having such a massive image complex, then 1). It's plainly not working for all the pupils, and 2). They can police it themselves, unless they've made your dd some sort of ambassador, op?
Your op really makes it sound like her behaviour was justified by the ethos of the school. It wasn't.

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