Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

advice on changing schools after bullying and the after effects

30 replies

ihatethecold · 27/01/2017 12:46

My DD13 has been through a very serious case of bullying at her school. The police became involved and the bully, also 13 was given a community resolution order.

My dd mental health seems to be declining quite quickly.

She is anxious and crying most days and does not want to go to school.
The school have put counselling in place but its only 30 mins every 2 weeks.

The school are now badgering me about attendance because she was sent home this week unwell. I have tried to get her back and had to leave her shaking and crying this morning at the school after her GP appointment.

She has had a stomach problem this week that i think is caused by stress.

She was assessed by the adolescent mental health service for anxiety late last year but they said she isn't bad enough for them to help.

We are going to look at another school next week but i'm scared i'm not doing the right thing.

She has become quite isolated at school because of the bully.

I need advice.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Notenoughsleepmumof3 · 31/01/2017 21:16

Very positive and totally normal her to feel apprehensive. Good for her to know she has an option.

QGMum · 31/01/2017 20:44

That's good news. Sounds like she has an alternative to staying where she is and can make a choice with your help and support.

Original poster
ihatethecold · 31/01/2017 18:19

The visit was great. I'd move her there tomorrow.
I'm not sure what my dd thinks. She's been very quiet about it.
I'm going to leave talking about it for a few days and let her digest the visit.

OP posts:
QGMum · 31/01/2017 13:20

Hope the visit today goes well for you both.

Notenoughsleepmumof3 · 31/01/2017 12:11

It is a very difficult situation, but she can get through it with your love and support. I'm not surprised you have have a trapped nerve. The stress of it can be overwhelming. But, having come out the other side now, I can tell you, it's possible to turn it around. I hope she is ok.

Original poster
ihatethecold · 31/01/2017 11:31

Thank you notenoughsleep, I'm hoping she finds today's visit positive.
I'm worn out with it all. I've also trapped a nerve in my back which has made me feel rubbish today.Sad

OP posts:
Notenoughsleepmumof3 · 30/01/2017 22:17

I'm so sorry. It is devastating, having been through this with my DS. I can say I moved him and it was completely positive. There is an adjustment period and it took awhile for him to come out of his shell again. He's back to being the DS I had lost to grief, depression, and fear from his experience. His confidence was knocked and he was untrusting of teachers and social situations, but I was lucky with the move. The new school was brilliant and it has been nothing but positive. I think they sometimes need to start again without the victim stigma.

Bashstreetmum · 28/01/2017 17:34

That's a plus

Original poster
ihatethecold · 28/01/2017 14:04

The cbt centre specially caters for children and adolescents

OP posts:
Bashstreetmum · 28/01/2017 10:44

I feel for you both and glad you are going to get her some extra help. Making sure her therapist has plenty of experience working with adolescents would be optimum and an integrative therapist with cbt experience may serve her better so consider it. If you can do this you may avoid her 'taking her bullies with her' if she does move school.

Original poster
ihatethecold · 28/01/2017 08:24

The school are providing counselling for 30 mins every other week.
She also goes to a place in school called the hub.
She can talk to the lovely support worker in there and sometimes does work in there.
All her teachers are aware and will let her leave the class is she needs to.
The new school I believe has places and will accept her.
My friend works there and already told me this.
I'm going to see how she feels on Tuesday after the visit.
We are also going to get cbt privately for her to help her manage her anxiety.

OP posts:
FreddoFrog · 28/01/2017 07:41

Could you try and lean on school a little more? What suggestions do they have to support your daughter? Are they giving the students extra social skills training re bullying etc.? Could she change classes, spend some down time in the library? Continuity is important, so even if she just goes to school for mornings, you don't want her to start refusing to go to school altogether. Yes yes to counselling (does the school have a psychologist?) and also looking into a new school (is your daughter open to that?) Poor little thing.

farangatang · 28/01/2017 07:04

Agree with pp that your DD needs to be involved in any decision about moving, but I can guarantee that moving my DD from a school where she was bullied (low level) was the BEST thing we ever did for her.
I now have my confident, life-loving child back and she is thriving. If it ever happened again, I wouldn't hesitate to move her.

Fridayschild · 28/01/2017 06:53

DS had a number of years of low level bullying, which was awful but so much less than DD's experience. I really feel for you.

We moved him to another school - best thing ever. He was quiet and hung back for about half a term, but made friends and by the end of the first term had a good group of 5 or 6 friends, was always being asked to their birthday sleepovers and to play after school. When I got the report at the end of term one I actually wept with relief.

a younger sibling stayed at the first school. It was a pest having children at different schools but I was happy that each one was at the right school.

MsGameandWatch · 28/01/2017 06:49

I would remove her now. There's no way I would make her remain in that environment. Then look for schools with her at your leisure. Missing a couple of weeks/months is not a big deal and could really sort her out as the pressure will be lifted. Just the relief of never having to go back to that place again will work wonders.

QGMum · 28/01/2017 06:29

Hope the visit to the other school on Tuesday goes well. Do they have a place available immediately for her or would she need to go on their waiting list?

QGMum · 28/01/2017 06:29

Hope the visit to the other school on Tuesday goes well. Do they have a place available immediately for her or would she need to go on their waiting list?

DriftingDreamer · 27/01/2017 19:54

Well that could be seen as intimidation.
I would make sure the school know about that....

Original poster
ihatethecold · 27/01/2017 19:47

no she isnt but she stares at my dd all the time

OP posts:
DriftingDreamer · 27/01/2017 19:37

Awful for your dd.
The school should be doing more. Does the bully still bully her?

Original poster
ihatethecold · 27/01/2017 19:32

yes, the queen bee is still there, swanning about looking smug
The first incidence of bullying last december was dealt with by the school.

The rest happened over the xmas school holidays so the school said they wont intervene so we had to get the police involved.

the school actually said they wont punish the girl for the xmas incidents because it happened outside school time.

The xmas incidents were very abusive and sustained over social media which is why the police had no problem dealing with it straight away.

OP posts:
DriftingDreamer · 27/01/2017 19:27

Is the bully still at the school?
I am wondering why they have not been permanently excluded.
What measures did the school take to sort the situation out and keep your child safe?

Original poster
ihatethecold · 27/01/2017 19:10

we are going to visit another school on tuesday.
The school have been great but are now so focused on their attendance figures they are losing sight of the bigger picture which is my dd's mental health.

OP posts:
HSMMaCM · 27/01/2017 18:43

Giving my dd the choice made a massive difference. Home schooling was a third choice she was offered. She chose to stay put and managed to make it work, but the school were fantastic and very supportive.

QGMum · 27/01/2017 18:34

So sorry for you and your dd.

Can you take her to look at some other schools so that she knows has a choice of whether to move or stay at the same school? If she makes a positive choice to stay she may feel better about it. It sounds very bad at the moment.

Hope things get better for you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread