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Original poster

Boarding school - will I regret it?

294 replies

BuffysMum · 25/02/2007 14:11

dd1 wants to go to boarding school (will cost us around £3k per year max), of course is is competitive entry so she may not get in.

BUT if she does I send her what are the down sides that I haven't thought of. BTW she is very academically able and the school she will attend other wise has been bottom/near bottom of the league tables for years despite huge amount of investment after it failed.

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 25/02/2007 14:57

When greeny and cod agree, I would listen.

Original poster
BuffysMum · 25/02/2007 14:57

I've encouraged my dd to be idependent - she makes her own packed lunch (she hates that), walks to and from school herself (loves that) but I try to be there for her but its hard! I'm certainly not sending her to boarding school for her to gain independence, its because the alternative is crappy!

OP posts:
Original poster
BuffysMum · 25/02/2007 14:54

I have my fears

I WANT to have a "good" relationship with her - doesn't mean I will I haven't exactly been taught the skills to have them!

The point I was making that greeny/cod seem to think boarding school was hell - my life at home was hell, boarding school would have been much better for me I think ie to not live at home!

It is very useful to hear that it changes your relationship with your parents hugely, I know people who had a fab time at boarding school and loved it and others who didn't like it but these are adults in their 50's and I thought times have perhaps moved on....in terms of pastoral care?

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 25/02/2007 14:51

pmsl daisy1999

FluffyMummy123 · 25/02/2007 14:51

Message withdrawn

Greensleeves · 25/02/2007 14:50

Hmm, maybe the kind of parents who are happy sending their children away and are obsessed with making them 'independent' before they reach their twelfth birthday aren't the sort of parents who prioritise a close, loving relationship with their children? I don't want my children to be independent, they are children!

Just a thought.

FluffyMummy123 · 25/02/2007 14:50

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daisy1999 · 25/02/2007 14:50

for those considering boarding school but finding the costs too high have you thought about adoption

zippitippitoes · 25/02/2007 14:49

it sounds a rare and curious school

i'm intrigued

but if it is for children in need then I doubt anyone here can advise as it sounds unique

FluffyMummy123 · 25/02/2007 14:49

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Tamum · 25/02/2007 14:49

Hi cod

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 25/02/2007 14:48

but I think cod that there's a difference between being independent because've been brought up to be, and being independent because you have to be, because there's no-one you can depend on at boarding school iyswim.

FluffyMummy123 · 25/02/2007 14:48

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Tamum · 25/02/2007 14:47

I would have thought a mixed day/boarding school was worse really- my friends who boarded hated that the rest of us buggered off home to our parents, especially at weekends. It meant we didn't mix as much as all that, because boarders needed to make friends with other boarders so they wouldn't feel isolated at weekends and evenings. I'm sure it's school dependent, but I wouldn't say any of my friends who boarded had a particularly healthy relationship with their parents.

Original poster
BuffysMum · 25/02/2007 14:47

This school exists for children in social need to go - she will be mixing with children who have far less than us, as much as children that do have more.

She has visited the school, she wants to go.

I mentioned money because whilst I can't afford to send her to private day school this is within our financial reach - it could actually be less than £2k and free music lessons so after not paying for food, her music lessons etc the financial costs it minimal.

If we had a local school that had a classful of academically able children then I doubt I would let hr go to boarding school but we don't!

I came asking for points to consider - if she doesn't get in I will not be devestated but the reality is that she will be going to a c**p school where no-one wants to send their child.

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 25/02/2007 14:47

I meant buffys reasons are getting worse by the way

I think the independence thing is drviel

children become independent after you've shuffled off these days

foxinsocks · 25/02/2007 14:46

yes but you have a good relationship with her buffy

both dh (boarded whole of secondary school) and I agree that your relationship with your parents is just never the same again once you've boarded.

FluffyMummy123 · 25/02/2007 14:45

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FluffyMummy123 · 25/02/2007 14:45

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WanderingTrolley · 25/02/2007 14:44

you people are murdering my malory towers/st clare's illusions you know.

Should we write a follow up, where the twins are crack whores and that Billy with the horse is dribbling and mumbling into her, er, supermarket trolley?

Sorry for being flippant - clearly boarding school can be v grim.

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 25/02/2007 14:44

and I was actually happy at boarding school.

I made lasting friends, friends who I am still friends with today despite them living halfway around the world.

I learned to be independent

I wasn't bullied

wasn't depressed

didn't do drugs or alcohol

but the effect on my relationship with my parents is irreverseable.

I would never send my child. he is a child. as a parent it is my job to bring him up, to nurture him. not to send him away to be brought up by someone else.

zippitippitoes · 25/02/2007 14:43

your reasons are getting worse tbh

too much reflection on you put on her

I feel doesn't sound like a good match to me yet

FluffyMummy123 · 25/02/2007 14:43

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RustyBear · 25/02/2007 14:42

My BIL is a diplomat, so he & my sister had the choice between boarding school & changing schools every three years.

Both my DNs went to exactly the same boarding schools, from the age of 8 but have turned out totally differently - one is very independent & organises himself efficiently, the other has the organisational skills of a starfish.

Both of them are very close to both their parents though.

Not sure what (if anything) this shows - but I do know I'd never have sent my two to boarding school.

FluffyMummy123 · 25/02/2007 14:42

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