My Daughter phoned me at lunchtime to tell me she has been given detention for burping in the canteen at school

I walked in to a belching competition a couple of weeks age.

It was heard on another table so loud, and the detention seems to be for not saying 'excuse me' ie not apologizing not for the belch itself.

Also she shouldn't be phoning you, even if it is lunch time.

When I burp, I say pardon. But I'm
33 and I can say what the fuck I want, really. What I want to be able to say is "fucks sake, I hate burping - it's properly embarrassing and loud and I CAN'T HELP IT"

Can you help your wee's and poo's?? No. Course you can't. And I can't help burping!!

Cross posted with a few people. My personal opinion is that yes, it is bad manners if you don't say excuse me but that sometimes people are embarrassed and do the wrong thing. I would view that as a separate issue to doing it for comedy effect.

If you reward her for getting a detention you are creating a monster.
Regardless of how she reacted, it is your job to talk it through and reassure, that is all.
Shopping and staying up late cos the nasty teacher punished her? For fucks sake! It's one detention. Do it and move on.

In work unfair things happen and you move on. You need to grow up too no teach your child the world isn't fair.

No, I admit I typed that badly. I meant to write that being embarassed may have been the reason she didn't say excuse me, as in she froze and couldn't say anything. Not sure if that makes any more sense or not!

Also fair point about whether bodily functions are rude or not. I'm not sure of he answer to this one! I might have a fairly skewed view as a HCP on this one.

I agree taking her shopping and letting her stay up late to watch films to help her get over the trauma of having a detention is total madness, regardless of how big or small the burp was.

A good teacher would have taken her to one side and kindly educated her on manners, not made her feel horrible/self-conscious about having let out a burp in public and not knowing how to handle it. Kids can be pretty mean, and given that in our society we have created such a taboo around burping/farting, I can see she would have been embarrassed to have let one slip amongst her peers.
Sorry but that to me doesn't make sense either. Surely at that age, a child should know that burping is bad manner as would the other kid. It's the fact that it is bad manner that makes the kids do it. If kids were likely to tease for such behaviour, they wouldn't do it in the first place.

Kids are not embarrassed when they burp/fart, they love the attention they get from others' reaction.

The OP has already clarified that the teacher has backed up her DD's version of events. She got detention for not saying "pardon me". Totally over the top.
Unless there was more to the reason given, but the more to it was left out as it is often the case when people want to prove a point.

Even if OP's daughter was pissing around, it's the message it sends to other kids that if they have a quiet burp etc they will be disciplined! Of course they should say excuse me. If she may have been embarassed. Different of course if loud comedy belch but it sounds as if even the teacher is not saying that happened.
That doesn't make sense. Either burping and farting is acceptable and not bad manners, in which case you have no reasons to say 'excuse me', or it is bad manners and that's the reason why you apologise.

I am in the 'bad manner' clan. Burps are either unpleasantly noisy, or worse, smelly! What I think bothers me most about people who burp is the attention they expect from it. It almost systematically follows with a laugh and I just don't see what is funny about it. Same with farting really. If it is so normal, why laughing?

And teachers, more than most other professions, should absolutely be held to account for making children embarrassed of their bodily functions. I'd be very ashamed of myself if I'd called a young girl out for burping. You'd take her to one side and politely explain that it's good manners to say "pardon me".

This with bells on.

The OP has already clarified that the teacher has backed up her DD's version of events. She got detention for not saying "pardon me". Totally over the top.

I image all PP's saying how rude it is to burp/fart obviously don't have normal bodily functions, or if they do they are silent and smell of roses

A good teacher would have taken her to one side and kindly educated her on manners, not made her feel horrible/self-conscious about having let out a burp in public and not knowing how to handle it. Kids can be pretty mean, and given that in our society we have created such a taboo around burping/farting, I can see she would have been embarrassed to have let one slip amongst her peers.

No wonder people are so unbelievably self conscious in today's world.

Yes but they would go down fighting, sticking it to da man, etc etc.

I honestly just think a detention for a burp is dreadful for a child. I got in trouble for a leaking period at school. Never ever forgot it and how cruel the teacher was - this was in the 90's - telling me, in front of 2 other people that I should be better equipped to deal with periods than lettin myself leak. I was 12. Being told off for burping isn't as bad as that I know but a detention for it is ridiculous.

if anyone told me off for burping or farting I'd simply explain that they were a moron, regardless of seniority or occupation.

If you were the OPs DC then that would have got you a detention even if the burp hadn't

Hear hear, toostressy.

piglet I said "you all". Not me. if anyone told me off for burping or farting I'd simply explain that they were a moron, regardless of seniority or occupation.

I'm really not sure if you're all being sarcastic bloody hope so but I burp and fart and shit and so do you all. If you got into trouble for burping at work and had to go home late or miss your lunch, you'd all be calling a human rights lawyer quicker than I could say pardon me!

Human rights lawyer..... and you say a detention is ott

Totally agree with above PP. It's not the missing lunch that is the upsetting thing, it's the embarrassment of it all. Bodily functions (which can't always be controlled) are labelled very early on as something to hide and be embarrassed about. So then later on people don't visit their GP with embarrassing issues, don't ask for reasonable adjustments at work etc etc. That seems really melodramatic but it all starts with not normalising this kind of thing.

I'm in a job where I am often held to account for what I do and where I also see the end results of people being embarassed about bodily functions. It starts with health promotion in school.

Even if OP's daughter was pissing around, it's the message it sends to other kids that if they have a quiet burp etc they will be disciplined! Of course they should say excuse me. If she may have been embarassed. Different of course if loud comedy belch but it sounds as if even the teacher is not saying that happened.

As I have said, I would publicly support the teacher, I did suggest a hug for the poor girl but otherwise she should suck up the detention.

I'm really not sure if you're all being sarcastic bloody hope so but I burp and fart and shit and so do you all. If you got into trouble for burping at work and had to go home late or miss your lunch, you'd all be calling a human rights lawyer quicker than I could say pardon me!

And teachers, more than most other professions, should absolutely be held to account for making children embarrassed of their bodily functions. I'd be very ashamed of myself if I'd called a young girl out for burping. You'd take her to one side and politely explain that it's good manners to say "pardon me".

Cannot believe the sucking up some people do to teachers on here. And before you ask - I know a lot of teachers, very well, and some are wonderful people. And some are vile and in the profession to get a power kick. Detention for burping. Ok then

Get detention then get rewarded and treats at home.

I am always amazed how parents always assume that their well behaved child (in most circumstances) couldn't possibly have had a bit of an attitude when challenged about a certain behaviour.

My kids are good kids, well behaved, always commended for their manners and attitude at school, each teachers commenting about what a delight they are on each report.

However, if my DD had called me telling she got detention for burping, my immediate response would have been that she must have either been much louder than she thought, or acted silly afterwards laughing loudly or disturbingly, or more likely, responded with a bit of that typical teenage attitude when challenged, attitude that she probably wouldn't have been aware of, attitude she occasionally has with me and again, she doesn't realise it and I have to remind her of her tone of voice.

Why would a teacher decide to give a detention just over a 'little burp, which is so little would have been unlikely to be heard in the first place.

That was exactly what I was thinking, Floggin.

Tell her to grow up and not whine to her Mum every time she's told off by a teacher.

If she has a problem, she should approach the teacher and have a mature chat about it. She's secondary school age, ffs!

She'll engineer another detention if she feels another shopping trip is due.
Why wouldn't she?

Shopping? 'Harsh punishment'....visit the grip store OP.

My DD would be upset if she got detention, esp if she didn't feel it was fair (how many kids do?). But you are making a drama out of this.

This weekend I have decided to take her shopping take her mind off it she was a bit down last night especially after missing most of her lunch break yesterday

Ha, ha, oh yes it was so tragic missing some of her lunch, she needed a big treat in case she got too upset

I wonder in which other professions, your every move is questioned and challenged in the same way teachers are

In the NHS perhaps. The point is, teachers have control over our kids' lives in a way that other professions do not.

This does seem a bit over the top for a burp - and if the other kids laughed, shouldn't they have had a detention too?

You can't always control the noises your body makes - actually I very rarely burp either and it usually comes as an extra-loud hiccup. But I remember the thread on here about farting on the bus, and how many people said that was disgusting. I couldn't believe that so many people thought you can always hold it in. You can't.

Anyway your DD has learnt a lesson - don't make bodily function noises within earshot of a teacher. And more to the point. school teaches us to put up with petty officialdom - eg getting a parking ticket for being 5 minutes over your time. It's best to just accept detentions. I know when you start secondary school you want to avoid them, but it's no good getting all upset about them, the school doesn't care about burps in year 7 when they are writing references for sixth form colleges or universities.