HELP! Worried about DS14 in Year 10

I have to say that it would do no harm to have him tested for dyslexia. Having dyslexia does not necessarily present itself with reading problems, My DD1 has dyslexic traits which affects things like spelling, how she processes information and presents information but her reading was fine. She uses a laptop in classes now which has helped and as is rather stereotypical is very creative but I have a feeling this was partly down to the fact a lot of unhelpful teaches wrote her off in earlier years in subjects that were word heavy. Ironically English is one of her best subjects now.

Hi Andie,

My ds is a lot younger but I can relate as I had a late diagnosis of dyspraxia. When I say late I mean very late, it was after I started work as a press officer for a learning differences charity and my boss suggested I get an assessment because I kept getting lost on the way to meetings (!) I'd always struggled with organisation, presentation and anything requiring co-ordination but worked my arse off plus it was the 80's so no-one noticed!!

I do hope you get an Ed Psych to see your ds - it sounds very much like he has difficulties which he's covering up with a 'can't be bothered' persona. I couldn't catch a ball to save my life so convinced the world and myself that I thought team sports were for morons. It was only in adulthood I came to terms with the fact that it was just the humiliation of being last picked that had made me adopt that attitude.

How did the meeting go Andie?

I don't see complaining just discussion, and concern, and teamwork with school.

I'm sorry but your posts come across as serial complaining. The school is intervening, arranging meetings and offering for your ds to be there, offering to set extra work and you are complaining about all of it.

Did you not realise, in all these years, that your ds wasn't using capital letters and was rushing things?

What would you like them to do?

I would have ds in the meeting as he is the one who knows what he feels/how he copes/strategies he uses etc.

I'd never heard of it either Mouse until DS2 was diagnosed. He teachers can see there is so much going on in that head of his but that it just doesn't come out on paper. He is more than happy to share ideas verbally (try stopping him) but if he has to handwrite it takes so long to put down the world has moved on before he's got the first sentence out. We've found he's quite good with a keyboard although he's resisting any suggestion of learning to type properly. Let him use a laptop and out it all pours. Do you think that might work for your DD.

Just looked up stealth dyslexia and it describes dd1s difficulties. Reading age well be above average(13.6+ when leaving primary) but struggles with writing spelling and grammar. Had a grat discussion with her about the Treaty of Versailles while she was doing her history homework but her written work was barely legible.

I should have mentioned that my brother is an excellent auto mechanic, and can repair almost anything. He was a semiprofessional race car driver, and made a few commercials for Nissan. However, he has lots of trouble finishing things.

My DD, DS and DH are all dyslexic, and DS is also dyspraxic.
I was a bit about your DS until you mentioned that if you ask him to do 3 things, he can only cope with one. That is so totally my DS. Think - does he have good co-ordination, balance, fine motor skills at speed? My DS was fine if he was concentrating on one thing at a time - can windsurf, do calligraphy, drive, etc, but goes all to pieces if trying to multitask.
Make a list of points you want to bring up, and give the list to the teacher, so she has that, even if you don't get through the list with her.

That's a really short time Andie. I would try to work out what exactly you want to achieve and treat it as a springboard for your (school, parents and DS together) next steps.

Now you have an email address, I suggest you try to put down in writing the things you are concerned about with short examples of where it's going wrong for your DS both in terms of school type activities and with anything outside that. Perhaps ask him for examples as a start to him understanding you can work together to sort things out. You say he struggles to follow instructions for three things and needs reminding after one. Perhaps use one of these occasions.

Then, mention the things that you have been worrying about as a reason for his difficulties like dyslexia (typical or atypical), or maybe ADD or ASD or whatever else may have gone through your mind.

The good news is that school seem to be enthusiastic to engage with you. The English teacher listened and reflected her experience, promised to talk to the the learning support person and has done so quickly, and you now have a meeting.

The difficult bit is what you want out of the meeting. If you can lay out before it in email to the school people who will be there your concerns and worries with examples that will save time.

I'd wait until the meeting to put forward what you want to happen next so that you don't get a written response regarding that before you have had time to start to form a relationship with the school people and discuss the issues.

What do you want them to do? Do you know what might be possible or do you want to learn that as an outcome of the meeting? Is there a first step, e.g. Dyslexia testing, which you want to set up to start the ball rolling. Is there support pastorally in school for DS because he sounds upset and disheartened? Can he be given permission to use methods other than handwriting to present his work? Would that even help?

Lots of questions but I think this is the time for them. The more questions without preconceived answers the better. Then they can be prioritised and responded to either with support, or testing, or trying new ways of going about things.

It's not a brick wall but possibly a long road. for you whilst you start to get your thoughts in order.

Your son sounds a bit like my brother, who was diagnosed with dyslexia at 7, and received excellent private remediation. However, he can get lost very easily, is terrible with paperwork, and has a short memory for tasks. He's never been diagnosed with poor executive functioning skills, but definitely has them. We are in America, and I have the disorder formerly known as Aspergers. No one regrets seeking help for a struggling chikd too soon.

My DD has an unusual presentation of Dyslexia. Dyslexia is far broader and more complicated than I realised before she was tested. If you push hard, you should be able to get the school to test your DS. Best of luck

Is it exclusively work and organisational issues - any issues with social relationships or communication? Good luck with school.

It's been left that she will talk to the learning support officer and instigate a meeting

Was there a timescale suggested? Can you find out who the learning support officer is? Perhaps it'll be on the school website.

Then we agree Longlost. I was just confused because it was me you quoted.

Thats good homebird, my post was for the op, though

I don't need to do anything Longlost. The reports are now accepted by both DSs schools and they are more than adequately supported. Glad you were able to find out what you needed to about your DSs so that you have a measure of certainty about their abilities and needs. Me too.

I reference DS2's earlier teacher refusing to acknowledge his specialist ed psych report

If it is private, schools are not supposed to accept it. We can't take on board every private assessment done on every child, that is sent in. Some privte practitioners are ok, but many are either unethical, wildly inaccurate, or just plain woo. I have one pupil who has arrived with at least 10 private assessments just for her alone, some are dozens of pages long.....

Have you thought about screen time/ word processing etc, the type of difficulties you are describing are sometimes the result of over use of IT. It can be very obstructive to the development of judgement and organisation, as well as hindering handwriting development.

Otherwise, push for the school to screen. It doesn't take much to run a basic screening programme, and is better than paying £££££ to get a private report of dubious quality the school could well ignore. I arranged for this for my sons, who had no symptoms at all, but as I am severely dyslexic, and know it can be inherited, I wanted to be sure. They were both weak spellers, and weak at organisation, because I had not been able to support them with this, but the screening came back as clearly non dyslexic.

So DS has been using punctuation sometimes? Have you tried writing without it when you are used to doing it? I would think it's quite hard. It strikes me that the occasions he uses capital letters etc. he has probably put extra effort in to remember everything. Good on you for refusing extra work for him. The point is that he's not coping with what he has.

Don't worry about needing to do do more for him even if school aren't supportive. Teachers are specialists in their own field. Their field is not psychology. I reference DS2's earlier teacher refusing to acknowledge his specialist ed psych report. There are plenty of good ones though who are happy to work as part of a team to get the best for a child. (Like the one DS2 has now.) Let's hope the situation turns out to be like that for your DS now you are working with school for him.

Actually Andie it sounds more like my other DS. He had a head injury a few years ago and massively reduced his processing speed (part of the IQ measurement). He still was very able in visual and spacial processing and working memory but the processing speed had been badly affected. Think three things in the 90s for centile, and the processing speed under 10.

There can be quite a discrepancy even for people who haven't had an injury like DS1's. Maybe processing speed could be your DSs issue? Or there are plenty of other things that could make his brain seem to work fast and yet he doesn't appear to achieve what he and you might hope for.

I cannot give more than one instruction to DS1 and even then if he is tired or 'in his head' he might not carry it out. It isn't wilful. It isn't disinterest. It isn't disengagement.

The way we found out about the issues of both of our boys was to get a neuropsych check done. This took the best part of a day in each case and was expensive. It was so worth it though. Now we can parent, we can support school (or correct them), and our boys have the best chance of following their dreams.

I would talk to school about whether he could be seen by an ed. psych. through them. Or consider whether you can manage to afford a private neuro/ed psych assessment. Ask school for recommendations. There could easily be more than one thing going on and they may be neither of the issues we deal with.

Keep up the talking with him. Let him feel he has a voice in this. Together you can find a new way.

I would definitely get him tested for dyslexia; even if it is just to discard it; can the school do it ?

Have just crossed posts with your last post and it could be my son....the frustration, everything. Get him tested. My DS would read the first bit of a question and race to the end without reading properly. The diagnosis won't fix him but you may get tools to help. He may get extra exam time or breaks. And it will help you help him....