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Original poster

How do you decide if grammar schools are right for your child?

33 replies

KathyBeale · 07/09/2016 17:45

My son has just started y5. We live in an area where he could potentially take three different tests for grammar schools. He's at a good primary school and is doing well academically. He's also really good at a sport and trains several times a week.

We need to decide whether he is going to take the grammar tests fairly soonish and I just don't know how to make that choice. I think I'm projecting slightly (a lot) because I went to a grammar school and despite being in my 40s now, I think I've got a lot of issues STILL because of school. He's a bit of a worrier like I was, which makes me think it might not be the right choice for him. Also, I worry about him being judged solely on his academic ability on one day, when there's so much more to him.

In my day, you just rocked up on the day and took the test - no tuition or whatever. But if he's going to do these tests we're going to have to prepare and maybe get tuition or certainly do lots of extra work with him so we can't put off the decision until the last minute. I sort of feel like he may as well do the tests, but then it's a lot of work and pressure on him...

Can any of you who have decided one way or another lend me the benefit of your wisdom and experience?

OP posts:
Pradaqueen · 08/09/2016 06:32

All is not lost if you are going into y5. A year is plenty. Take the time to visit the grammars and the alternatives this term. Meanwhile arm yourself with cgp and bond books and do papers at home. That way you'll identify the knowledge gaps. Then you might only need a maths tutor not specifically 11+. Join the 11+ forums plenty of advice there for your area. Good luck! Just started y6 here so we are at the end of the process. Thank god.

Original poster
KathyBeale · 08/09/2016 06:22

Visiting the schools is very good advice. My concerns are that my son will feel like a failure if he doesn't get in. It seems to be a balancing act between assuring him it's okay if he doesn't but taking it all seriously enough to make him do the extra work required. I also work full time so I couldn't do anything with him after school. And I found out yesterday that most tutors are now booked up and most of the kids have been having tutoring for a year already. It's completely different from my day when it was more genuinely about helping clever kids no matter what background they came from, and it doesn't sit very well with me!

We are in Bromley, close to the border with Bexley and not a million miles from Kent.

OP posts:
228agreenend · 07/09/2016 22:04

The best advice I can give is to visit the schools and see whether you like the feel of them. When you visit, don't think of them as a 'grammar school', but as a potential 'school' ,for your child.

I agree with taking the tests as it keeps you options early.

I also agree with tutoring to make your dd prepared for the exams. You don't need to over-I tutor, an hour per week is standard. Some tutored kids are over-tutored, but most are tutored to,prepare them for the exams, and exam technique in general.

What are your concerns? My ds go to two different grammar schools which shut their personality. Ie. Academic gs for dc1, and move relaxed for dc2.

KayJBee · 07/09/2016 21:55

I'm in a similar situation. Though being on a county border, if we don't do the grammar school route, we have a good truly comp comprehensive, takes everyone as that county doesn't have grammars. We've decided to do the tutoring and put in for the 11+ so we can keep the option open, kind of just delaying the decision really. Will do the open days for both grammars and comps and see if that help the decision. I went to a grammar but dh went to a fairly rough secondary so I'm hoping he might be able to balance out my slight grammar bias when we look around.
I keep swinging 60/40 one way then back the other way. It is such a hard thing to decide.

bojorojo · 07/09/2016 20:04

I assume you are not Bucks, or your DS would be entered automatically and you would have to withdraw. Also, the Aylesbury Vale area of Bucks certainly does not get 25-30% into grammar schools. It is usually below 20%. However, you cannot say his experience will replicate your experience and only you can judge if the schools are likely to be a good fit by looking round them. I do not see how anyone here can possibly know. Most grammar schools I know educate the whole child and obviously have some range of ability unlike, say, Westminster School or St Pauls Girls. Go and have a look and meet the teachers.

user12785 · 07/09/2016 19:20

My DD goes to a grammar school. Our local comps are genuinely scary - onsite security, knife checks etc. She is bright and conscientious, and I couldn't bear her having to spend 5 years + pretending she isn't, like I had to at my comp. We didn't chose a super selective, we chose the one which talked about school life being more than just academic work and backs this up by offering masses of extra curricular activities.

For you I suppose it depends what the alternatives are like.

MaQueen · 07/09/2016 19:13

Both our DDs are at a girls' grammar.

We judged the GS was the right environment for them because they were both very academic (DD2 especially) and quite competitive.

Also, they both have plenty of self confidence, with 'rolls with the punches' type personalities. Neither of them are 'wallflowers' at all...

DH went to a grammar, too, and was similarly very academic with a robust personality.

I think being like this is a real benefit at a grammar where the atmosphere is quite competitive, and you are just expected 'to keep up'.

FlyingFortress · 07/09/2016 17:51

I think you have to take into account what the alternative schools are like. Some areas (eg Kent and Bucks) still have the grammar v Upper/High school approach, where 25-30% of the population will go to grammar school. In other places there are a small number of very selective grammar schools and comprehensives. Go look at the comps and see how they fare with high achievers. Some kids will do better by being towards the top of a wide ability range than being towards the bottom of a narrower high ability.