Yr7 new starters

Steppemum thanks for your lovely reassuring post.

Fern. I completely know what you mean. Lots of parents at dds old school going on about their kids having an amazing time. I'm just being honest - saying she's finding it v hard but doing well and I'm v proud of her. She was in tears at home this morning - really didn't want to go, but she said today was ok.

I am a wreck now though - had to have a nap today as feeling so drained.

Happy birthday to titsys dd!

Steppemum, you're so right. Thanks

lumberjack. - she chose this school for a reason, get past the first week or two and she will remember.

dds friends are allsettling in well to their lovely school too. except I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole!

I know it is hard, but my mum always says we try to protect our kids from difficulty and instead we prevent them from learning important life skills, like coping with a new situation, learning that you can make new friends and so on.

steppemum, thanks for your reassuring post.

Fern, my (normally very confident) dd is struggling a bit too. It's just shocked her I think, huge amount of children she doesn't know, whole new massive building, new subjects, new teachers. She as no-one really from primary. She's making tentative inroads with people but no 'great mates'.
My FB wall is full of ex-primary parents from her school declaring how AMAZING the new school is and how their kids are ADORING school. My dd chose to not go to the school with all of them and I feel I've just made it harder.

I'm glad the first week is over. I'm hoping next week will be a bit easier still....and so on. It's just hard to see my dd not quite being herself at the moment.

Happy Birthday to your DD Titsy, what have you got planned?

I doubt anyone is really enjoying it all and having fun yet though Fern no matter what they say. Your DD will be fine just give it time and lots of support and cuddles through this rough stage.

My DD was very nervous this morning as she is being tested for swimming (should be happening right now!) and she is scared of the deep end. I've done the lessons thing, swimming for fun thing and although she can swim she has never gotten over this fear. Hopefully she is ok and not panicking!

It's her birthday tomorrow so a fun weekend to look forward to :)

And I'm aware how childish my post sounds - like I'm throwing a strop. But I AM happy that not everyone is suffering like my daughter, but we all want our children to be happy don't we?

Can't help but feel a bit bitter that my lovely DD is struggling so much :( All of her old friends are loving their new secondaries, making lots of new friends, having fun. She's the total opposite and I am resenting the fact it's so so hard for her and her friends are breezing through it. Just seems unfair.

Hi again,
dd was in bed asleep by 8:30 last night! She is enjoying it, but the step up is huge!

I just want to reassure you all. I have al older ds who did this 2 years ago. The first week is the hardest and then they start to find their feet, especially with things like where their classes are etc. Most year 7 tutors and heads are really on the ball with those who are struggling, so do let them know. After 2-3 weeks, they are unrecognisabel as the primary kids they were a few weeks ago.

friendships - most who go up with friends from primary will not still be friends with them by Christmas, they completely change friendship groups and discover new people, so if you haven't got anyone from primary don't panic, there is lots of movement in friendship groups.

That movement goes on actually. Ds was close to a couple of boys in the first term, and then they drifted apart a bit as he found new friends and the boy he is closest to now he didn't really get to know until year 8, but he hasn't been friendless in between, just the ebb and flow of people and personalities.

I do remember 2 friends warning me though how tired they get in this term. By Christmas ds was on his knees, and he is quite a together kid, and I hadn't realised how hard he was finding it, so he was pretty far gone in terms of exhaustion before he sort of fell apart one morning.

November is the pits. Once they go back again after Christmas it is much much better, they go back to familiar school, familiar faces, shorter term and days getting longer.

Yes Simpson I would do that as this kind of support should always encouraged

When they stop getting lost!

I'm still feeling a bit like I have thrown dd in the deep end. I know they are all doing it and she is making friends OK but the change is more overwhelming than I thought. Maybe more for me than her! When does it begin to feel like the new normal for them all?

That's lovely, colouring. My DD said to me in a whisper 'mum, I might even be a bit popular!' She's a friendly soul.

After lots of worrying during the school hols about nor knowing anyone, this week seems to be going well and she is making friends.

That's better Simpson - good.

My dd had a better day too. Just welled up this morning - no tears and sounds like she took the day in her stride. I had emailed her form tutor yesterday as she'd been upset and he'd taken her out and chatted with her which had a big impact, so I wanted to let him know that. Anyhow got a really lovely email back around 8.30pm saying dd could talk to him any time, he really seems to have her sussed and was v positive about her thriving at the school. I let dd read it this morning and she beamed .

Hang in there everyone!

Well for the most part DS1 seems to be loving it apart from a bit of a wobble yesterday morning. He went to the feeder Junior School so there were 60 children from his school went up to High School but he is practically on his own and not with any of his friends which I thought he'd be upset about but has been ok. They teach maths/english in mixed ability sets and DS is a bit of a maths geek so came home most put out that they had been doing really basic stuff.

A little rock in stomach - that is such an apt description of how we feel as mothers...........My kids are grown and I have grandchildren but I still remember first days (and weeks) and I have a feeling that the "rock" never goes away, it might shrink a bit, or get softer but at the first sign of trouble for our kids, it's back - it's called caring I think! Sometimes I feel envious of my friends who don't have kids or don't worry over them like I do.

Oh and "letting go" Titsywoo tis so hard I know. but yes it has to happen. I remember my neighbour used to meet her (very over protected son) from secondary school and it's just not done is it......things were so much simpler when my kids were young because kids walked about freely on their own in the 70s and 80s and not the case now I know. I suppose one good thing is that there are lots of kids pouring out of the school and walking in the same direction or catching the same bus.

It's hard for kids adjusting from primary to secondary and it does take time but it will be ok in the end. I think the task for parents is to utilise some acting skills and don't let on you're feeling anxious about this change as that will only make the kids more anxious. (I know you already know that!) It's the "wheel of life" isn't it - just seen a thread about a mother sobbing after leaving a crying child in reception and later this month there will be threads about teenagers leaving home and going to Uni (not that IS a biggie) and so it goes on................sorry forgive me rambling.

Sorry to hear that some DCs are having teething troubles. Fern, I do think girls are much worse for this sort of thing (eg not wanting to sit next to someone or not wanting to pair up) but I am sure she will find someone like her. Simpson, they just want to blend in and become anonymous but I am sure once the others see your boy being sporty, they won't be so quick to make fun of him.

Anyone else already hate loathe and detest sticky back plastic? Why do teachers insist on giving homework that consists of sticking pictures of France/English quotes/ RS symbols etc onto an exercise book and then getting the parent to wrestle with sticky back plastic and blunt scissors while trying to cook dinner?!

Also a bit nervous this morning as she is supposed to text me when she gets to the gate to let me know she arrived all day and she clearly forgot. The school let you know if they aren't there by 9.30 so it should be fine but still made me a bit anxious. She's 12 in 2 days so I need to let go a bit really!

Ah bless her lumberjack. Dd also mentioned to me last night that being one of the younger kids in the school was making her nervous. I think it will take a good few weeks to settle in. Dd went off today a little less excited. I hope the lessons today are a bit more inspiring since she found yesterday a bit dull. She has maths, music, geography, reading (?!) and SRW (social and religious something I think!). Tomorrow is making her very anxious as she has a swimming test and she hates swimming. The first 3 games lessons are testing in some form which has annoyed me.

Can I join in?

My dd started Y7 on Monday. I know it's very early days but I still feel very anxious.

We chose a school where hardly any of her primary cohort went. There are literally 3 pupils she vaguely knew from primary. She was excited to go but has been feeling very anxious/low since she started. I think the problem is that she was very confident at her Primary school and also (sorry to sound boastful) but often in the top 2 or 3 in her class for academic results. She's (obviously) started a school knowing hardly anyone and she said she was a bit surprised to find how clever most other pupils were (had to stifle a little knowing chuckle to myself!). It's little fish in big pond syndrome I think.

She's only on day 4! But she walked in again with droopy shoulders. I think she's being hard on herself a bit.

She's joining Netball club today and looking into joining Drama club.

Who else has been through this and how long until things feel 'smoother'? I'm walking around with a small rock in my stomach.

Fern I would definitely speak to the tutor about the mean buddy. Keep the lines of communication open - they can't force people to become friends, but they should have strategies in place for people that aren't settling. They need to know that what they've suggested so far isn't working.

Do they have a Head of Year 7 or someone that's in charge of transition? They should also be able to help.

And maybe ask them to help her identify some clubs/activities that she would enjoy - a good place to find people that are on your wavelength.

Oh Fern so sorry for your DD and the buddy girl sounds a horror. There are going to be some girls who aren't bitchy and I'm sure your girl will find soon find a friend or two. Are there no girls from her primary in this school?

My DGD (now in Yr 12) has always talked to me about the friendship groups in her school and she seems to like/not like a particular girl and I was curious and she explained "it depends who she's with (the other girl) if she's with the popular group, she can be mean to me but when not with them she's fine" adding "she doesn't really fit with the popular group - she's just a hanger on really but she can't see that" ....I'm posting all this just to try to demonstrate that it can be quite complex this friends business.

Are these comps you are all talking about huge, with around 1,500 pupils?

Are there pastoral care teachers? If so could you talk to them, but at the risk of repeating myself it's very early days and they probably know that things will settle in the coming weeks.