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Original poster

ds (16) wants to drop out of school

32 replies

ErnesttheBavarian · 23/07/2016 22:18

He has 2 years left, about to start the German equivalent of A Levels. Says he finds studying hard, though he is very bright but he cannot concentrate and he is bored by school.

He wants to be off, out there, travelling, running his own business. sigh. I think his fantasies and reality are so far apart. He seems to think he can do ad hoc translating work which will find his lifestyle.

He is incredibly stubborn and determined and really digs his heals in. he has always been like this. if you tell him to do something he will totally rebel. Definitely need to convince him subtly of what to do before he'll do it.

So, Tuesday, all set for the big talk. In a way, I think it might be the wake up call he needs, and a way for him to see for himself. on the other hand, what the hell will he do, where will he go, etc I feel ill at the thought of it. He has started drinking a lot. after big incident a couple of weeks ago he said he would stop drinking, but says he has been drinking because he is so bored and fed up with school.

Both dh and I would love all the dc to go to university, not just for the higher education, but also the amazing life experience. I could accept though if they said they didn't want to go to uni, but not doing A levels seems utterly disastrous. He has no plan other than doing translating work, seeing up his own business and travelling.

what do we say on Tuesday? Apart from telling him he's deluded and we won't be buying him ice creams and paying his mobile phone bill, he chooses to be an adult, then the world of paying your way beckons. Sad

OP posts:
PettsWoodParadise · 23/07/2016 23:34

Can you come to some compromise and ask if he can prove he can achieve his goal even to a particular degree during the summer holidays then he has his option as a choice. Make clear boundaries about how much rent might cost etc explaining that covering costs and to have a lifestyle worthy of his hardwork will equal X amount. You don't expect full business potential from the outset but need to see evidence of his commitment to work towards it, say a very small 20% of full business projections as a startup which is going on an upward trajectory. You may need to agree a funding arrangement to support this if you can afford it such as equipment or online tools which may or may not have to be paid back depending on your agreement.

antimatter · 23/07/2016 22:41

What is the legal requirement for kids in Germany? Do they have to stay in education until they are 18?

If he is alowed to I would also call his bluff and expect him to find a job.

chocolateworshipper · 23/07/2016 22:36

Is there a German equivalent of BTEC (i.e. more vocational than A levels) - if so, would that feel less like a continuation of school for him? Otherwise - as the others have said - make sure he realises that he needs to pay his way

EveryoneElsesMumSaidYes · 23/07/2016 22:34

A Levels aren't for everyone would he be more suited to an apprenticeship of vocational course?
Don't go too hard on him, listen to his side too. His plan my seem a bit pie in the sky, but there may be the seeds of a real career opportunity if given the right direction.
Let him know his happiness and success are important to you but that this is the start of a big change in his life he needs to reign in the drinking and thinking about how he will be funding his proposed lifestyle.
My DS is at exactly the same stage as yours so I know what you're going through

Clutteredmess · 23/07/2016 22:30

I would agree and hope he changes his mind over the summer. My DS has come up with lots of hair-brained schemes over the last couple of years. I learnt not to react and to say the choice was his. IME this seems to be a tricky age for boys - fed up with studying and wanting to be independent. Even if he has a year or so out, he can go back

JennyOnAPlate · 23/07/2016 22:28

What laurie said.

Call his bluff. Tell him to feel free to leave school but that you won't be funding him if he does, so he will need to get a full time job and pay X amount of rent to live in your house.

LaurieFairyCake · 23/07/2016 22:22

If he's allowed to in Germany let him.

Stop funding his drinking (obviously) and tell him you fully support him finding a job.

Don't give him any more money. After the holidays there's more chance of him going back to school if you've said yes since you say he's a contrary little sod.