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Original poster

11yr old ds in tears over summer school.

81 replies

kissmethere · 22/07/2016 11:38

Ds's new secondary school have sent an email to invite him to 5 half days. He will be starting in September. This will take place in August.
He is flat out refusing and I do feel for him. They have liaised with his primary school and he has been part of groups throughout his primary school life for additional support which has done him the world of good.
I need to respond today to confirm his place but I feel like it's causing him so much upset at the thought of it I'm tempted to say no although I think he needs to do it. He's currently under cahms as last year he was so down about the pressure of year 6 he wasn't sleeping and was in tears every night.
It sounds very casual with activities revolving around maths and literacy. Lunch provided, no charge.
What do I do?

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hunibuni · 06/08/2016 18:06

I know it sounds daft coming from someone you don't know but well done to him for going in again. He should be very proud of himself!

404NotFound · 06/08/2016 17:52

Definitely feed that back to the school . The equivalent sessions at dd's school were called 'transition camp', run by a specialist provider, complete with special camp t-shirts and activities, and the kids def perceived it as fun. Summer School is a terrible name.

prettybird · 06/08/2016 14:06

Maybe feed that back to the school: that they'd get a better, more positive response if they called it something else. Otherwise it sounds like punishment rather than support Sad

Original poster
kissmethere · 06/08/2016 12:30

The summer school title did not help. Thankfully it's all done now. It's so beneficial especially for him and children like him. It was a huge commitment and I explained the teachers had given up some of their holidays as well.

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Leeds2 · 05/08/2016 22:55

I'm so glad, for you and him, that he went. Hope it has a positive impact when he starts properly in September.

prettybird · 05/08/2016 22:23

At ds' school, this sort of thing is called "Bridge the Gap" (and I think that's what the organisation that runs it is called) rather than Summer School. I can fully understand why your ds was put off by the name.

I once had difficulty in getting ds to go to "Ski school" for the same reason. The ski school company called it "The Fun Factory" - for similar reasons.

Original poster
kissmethere · 05/08/2016 10:40

PacificDogwod thank you so much. We all want our kids to be happy. That's all I want for him. To embrace new things also and be more optimistic. We do all we can don't we?

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PacificDogwod · 05/08/2016 09:53

kiss Thanks

This is so hard - knowing he's not in a happy place and being somewhat powerless to make it all go away.
You and him are doing so well Smile

I hope it will be a positive experience in the long term and he can see the benefits of it, even if it may only be in hindsight.

Original poster
kissmethere · 05/08/2016 09:43

So he's gone there this morning Smile he didn't go yesterday. I'm very proud of him and they were very pleased to see him. I hope he has a good day. They commended him for coming back. Of course I wish he had gone the whole week but at least he's given it another go. Thanks everyone for getting me through tho is with all your advice.
A doctor from cahms called yesterday to offer some parent sessions for just me as he wasn't engaging in the last sessions he was so I'm so grateful for that. Hopefully it will help me to help him.
Thanks so much again.

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Scarydinosaurs · 03/08/2016 16:56

mymouth the school have done it to help him make friends at his secondary school, something that is really important. Especially given the background at primary school. It isn't to make him do more work, but make him feel happier about starting in September.

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 03/08/2016 16:32

This is just my opinion here , hes only a kid once summer holidays are for fun i dont agree with kids doing 'schoolwork' during school holidays they learn more life lessons by playing and having time with their family , if he was my child i wouldnt make him go if he doesnt want to , just my opinion , only you can decide whats best for your child

Scarydinosaurs · 03/08/2016 16:22

Great news!

tribpot · 03/08/2016 11:29

Oh that's good news.

Original poster
kissmethere · 03/08/2016 10:50

News now is that he is considering going again tomorrow and Friday. Fingers crossed. I said I think that would be brilliant and would be good impression on him that he's reconsidered. Here's hoping.

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HSMMaCM · 03/08/2016 08:39

Congratulations to both of you for giving the first day a try. I know how difficult it is to get an anxious teen to try something new.

SilverDragonfly1 · 02/08/2016 10:42

It's really obvious that it wouldn't be your attitude to school in general so don't worry about that Flowers

If other people haven't showed, it's not going to be a huge surprise to the school and I'm sure it won't reflect on him or you- especially as he did try it and you have been so quick to contact and explain.

Don't feel terrible, neither of you have done anything remotely 'wrong' and wouldn't have even if you'd just cancelled at the outset.

Original poster
kissmethere · 02/08/2016 09:00

I've emailed and called this morning but can't get on of them but I'll try again. Thanks for all the support. It's the "summer school" that he is opposed to. I've asked them to call me to discuss it and told them I appreciate that he was give opportunity. This will not be my attitude to school in general of course. I feel terrible but I hope they understand.

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SilverDragonfly1 · 02/08/2016 06:40

I think you've made the right decision :) He deserves to have his opinion respected after holding up his end of the agreement and hopefully in the future when it's about voluntary revision sessions for exams or after school clubs he will feel able to be more open to giving it a try.

Original poster
kissmethere · 01/08/2016 23:14

No I don't think anyone was turned away. Ds said people were called in the register who weren't there, that didn't help. I will also express my appreciation to the head of year for putting this all in place.

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tribpot · 01/08/2016 18:25

I hope the summer school didn't have to turn someone else down so he could take the place - they may be somewhat reproachful if so. But I think you explained about his special needs and the social difficulties?

I agree with SilverDragonfly. You made a deal and he kept his end of it.

Original poster
kissmethere · 01/08/2016 18:19

True SilverDraonfly1. He says I'm making him feel bad but I said I understand and I don't want them to feel bad. I commended him for even going today and he stuck to his word of last week.

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SilverDragonfly1 · 01/08/2016 18:05

I think that he's tried it, so if he now wants to stop that's okay. If you keep trying to push him, he's going to stop believing you when you say he only has to try similar things in the future and be even more resistant to anything he perceives as extra school. If you say now 'Fair enough, it's great that you tried it before deciding it wasn't for you' then later on when it's something more important he'll be far more trusting of your advice to try/continue it.

Original poster
kissmethere · 01/08/2016 17:37

Thanks for all your messages.

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Original poster
kissmethere · 01/08/2016 17:36

I've considered bribery Blush he is adamant he's not going tomorrow. I'm keeping the conversation calm and he really doesn't want to go. DH just came in and said he wouldn't have given him the choice Angry So I told him he wasn't there with the tears and saw how upset he was and would he still really have forced him to go if he dealt with what I dealt with? It's summer holidays, I wish he would go, it's different to a normal school day etc but what can I do? I'll have to email them to explain that I'm sorry he won't be there Sad

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roundandroundthehouses · 01/08/2016 16:45

Well done that boy :) (I have a teenage dd with anxiety who would have been similar at that age.) I'm sure you're praising him to the skies. TBH I believe there are some circumstances where bribery can be very useful. Provided, of course, he isn't in a full-on panic attack at the thought of tomorrow, might he be receptive to that?

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