Managed move

Ds can't express himself very well. He's keen to start new school but I'm not sure it's because he really doesn't want to attend old one iyswim?

All he says is it'll be good if they give him the help he needs because current school don't.

I'm very positive with him about school - was about old one even when things were dire. I never allowed him to know what was going on behind the scenes. He did eventually work out for himself I was advocating for him and nothing changed.

I'll keep being positive - and I'll keep him informed of everything that's going on (in a way he understands and with what he needs to know).

Sorry it seems to have pasted something I wrote earlier on another thread! I have no idea how or why 😂😂😂

Oh yeah I did that. But whenever I said DS feels, has said, can you..... They went on the defensive.

I mean this is the school that on the day DS got referred by Camhs to primary mental health service for CBT sat and told him he was happy in school, he needs to go to school and he needs to stop giving me a hard time about it. They wrote it down as rules.
Camhs wrote DS behaviour was all anxiety related due to school and his inability to manage education without significant support and reduction in demands.

Actually the more I What's his reasoning it's ok for your boys to share 24/7 and his DD not sharing for 24 hours?
Just that she struggles to settle? In that case it won't matter where she stays.

Personally id go with everyone having own space. If baby is a girl it makes sense her and DSD will share for the foreseeable. But if it's a boy then it may only work for a few years but then you can revisit the situation.

You can always give the baby and dad a bigger room and use ikea kallax units a s divide down the middle which doubles up as storage. Then eaach has a bed either side of the divide.rite the more I realise there actually can't be many schools about like this! They really were unique in their approach to caring for kids. Especially when they advertise their no 1 is 'kindness'

Sorry for massively long posts. But it's quite cathartic getting it all out

smer his current school don't want him there! There a whole backstory and that what left me anxious about new school.
There is a thread I linked to ^^. Basically DS was having trouble with another pupil. Was kind of 50:50 (both have besd type difficulties) and clashed shall we say! I ask d school to do something as lad kept being physical with DS, DS then kept punching him and both getting social social exclusion. Ds would turn up and other lad wouldn't. This distressed DS more although I did explain to him to concentrate on his own behaviour and not anyone else!
The result of me asking HoY to step in and do something about escalating situation to keep them both apart and safe from each other was for senco to suggest we have a meeting. I turned up to be faced with HT, senior, ass senior, head of SS and HOY who suggested a managed move as I didn't trust them . It was awful and I felt extremely intimidated.
I emailed HT to tell her so after and explain my concern really is both these boys.
A week later this boy pulled a knife on ds. HT refused to meet with me. DS refused to go to school. Eis said trying new school was an option. Current school emailed within 10 minutes of EIS getting off phone to them basically saying MM was what I'd said I'd wanted and we should meet to arrange this etc. Even when I kept saying I wasn't sure it was best option and needed time to consider it they badgered me saying inclusion service were adamant that's what i wanted and that's what they should do.

So yes, I was pushed into it but I do think ultimately it's the best option for DS. I just needed to get over the not letting current school win and actually doing what's best for ds even if it means the shit they've put us through gets brushed under the carpet.

I do want and think it will go well.

I 100% believe it would if current school weren't involved somehow.

That's a good idea re dictation. I could also ask about reading programmes. I'm happy to buy him headphones and also have been looking at reading pens as an option as my aunts school uses them. I'm happy to buy him one if needed as he'd use it at home as well.

Ok. I've made my decision. I'm going to provide them reports and ask reasonable questions about How support DS currently gets will look like in new setting. I'll then ask if his support will remain as it was in old setting of if it will becahsnged to reflect the most recent reports and recommendations.

Then I'll ask them questions about how they like to communicate with parents. I'll say they can email/call about anything at all they want to know/report so we can work together for ds.

I'll ask about homework and what's best for them re communicating this. They could always email DS or me (great idea) or write in a planner for him. Tbh I don't really care how it's done - just that it is done! Same with most things really. I don't mind how the support is set up because I acceot it has to fit the ethos of the school - I just ask that the support is provided and that when ds is struggling after school with self harm etc it's recognised it's because of school stress and that won't change without us all working as a team to support him.

It would far easier of da could communicate for himself! Id happily be left further out of the equation than I usually end up being

There aren't any behaviour issues with DS - not generally. He has anxiety which can cause him to lash out but it's when provoked (eg grabbed by another student etc).

Learning isn't an issue in that he works hard. It is an issue in the fact he needs someone to write homework down for him, needs support with reading and spelling and maya cognitive thinking. He's use of a laptop as can't write.

Attendance hopefully won't be an issue! He physically will not go into old school as a student pulled a knife on him. His anxiety has therefore increased.

So if new school says no would another MM move be arranged to try elsewhere? There aren't any options for in year transfers around here. I ve already checked that option out.

La aren't accepting request to assess for EHCP and tribunal is not until November. But if I lose or they assess and refuse to produce and then there's another tribunal followed by tribunal for named place it could be another 18 months until DS has a school to attend.

I'm quite frankly amazed at how little the la step in and up to support children in crisis. But apparently nationally mine is one of the worst.

I'm not angry (well not anymore!). I'm just sad. Feeling guilty that I chose a school for DS based on their advert that they are wonderful with children with ASD etc.
And I couldn't have been more wrong.

I'm worried about being out of school. We were at my cousins yesterday and her DS got a sharp knife to cut baguette. (It was a BBQ!) DS ran a mile worried about what he'd do with it. Cousins DS is the gentlest child you'd ever meet! He and DS are best of friends. It made me realise how much the whole incident has affected DS and makes me worry that if I say to people I'll get the same response as I did from old school.

It's really hard to describe what DS and I have been through but when k first asked to meet old school to say I was worried about DS as he exhibiting behaviours he'd exhibited before which show he's feeling overwhelmed I basically got the response "we are experts in ASD and you need to leave us to deal with DS and trust us".

Looking back ver all the paperwork and minutes of meetings there's a lot of we are experts and not a lot of we will do..... Or we will try......

In fact thinking about it it was always a sales technique - all words no action.

I don't believe new school will be like this. Just reading their Sen support stuff I believe they can meet DS needs better than current school as they have groups etc already set up to provide the support.
I didn't apply for DS to attend there in the first place as it's an over subscribed out of catchment school.

I have high hopes for the move. I am just wary about how they may perceive me (which sounds daft because I'm still the same person and his junior school always commented on how supportive I was of him and school and really knowledgable in ways to help him!)

I feel I've let DS down and really don't want to be responsible for doing it again through my actions.

Thanks. I'll ask them if they've seen his new ep report and give them a copy of the Camhs report. DS also has salt review next week so I'll give them a copy of that as well.

Report sounds a great idea. He was on report in current school at my suggestion when things start to go downhill and I'm fully supportive of that kind of thing. It certainly helped see some patterns.

I don't have any contact details for new school with regards who I email. Well, obviously I know it's senco but have been told they'll contact me to arrange him starting. I assume that as I've not heard anything it'll be the week before he starts or maybe once they return after summer?

I fully doubt new school knows all DS needs, old school doesn't recognise most of them. I'm currently waiting for tribunal for refusal to assess for EHCP and even the la said all DS needs are identified and most are accepted. mindyiu they've also said DS is doing really well in old school according to them and called the senco as a witness!

I feel so stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to be totally honest and open about how much support DS needs but having had that bite me on the arse and receive bullying I'm frightened to do it again for fear it'll mean MM fails and DS once again has no school to attend.

thread about current absense

Sorry for loads of links. They aren't long threads but you may find reading my OP and updates useful to get a better picture of situation.

However these threads don't include all the past history before that including the time I asked the senco to look at a price of paper - she had no idea what was on it - but just chucked it back at me and said she was under no obligation to look at anything I gave her

thread about knife incident

initial MM thread

This was after another incident where a student was physical and DS reacted back physically. I expressed concern this was happening repeatedly and asked to speak to HOY about keeping DS and otter student safe from each other. Ds and other student both received a social exclusion for incident but other student didn't turn up.

thread re writing