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Original poster

dd seems to be going down the drain

30 replies

RhodaBull · 30/06/2016 09:42

End of year 8.

Dd is (like all MN dcs, of course) a clever person. I am now becoming rather concerned about her. She has always been very reserved, but now has hardly any friends. Her peer group is unfortunately not the best. Ds, who went to same school, had lovely friends but it appears to be hunt the brain cell in dd's tutor group, particularly amongst the girls (they all went on from primary school, so I do have some knowledge).

She has had detention three times this week - "deteriorating attitude" was twice and now she has confessed that she has been marked late five times. She always leaves the house in good time. I am not looking forward to the school report...

She just can't seem to be bothered with work, and puts in minimal effort for homework/assessments. Every day she comes home and says the lessons were dull. Such a depressing attitude.

What can I do? (And before anyone suggests it, no, too poor for private school and too rich for bursary.)

OP posts:
SilverDragonfly1 · 30/06/2016 10:03

Would another state school be an option? I don't really agree with Mrsjayy, having been that girl myself I know you're not going to be able to discipline her into being happy! If she hardly has any friends, I don't see how she can be rebelling to fit in with them either.

If another school isn't possible, would a change of tutor group help? I'd also be making sure she had enjoyable, confidence building activities to look forward to out of school time and which will also be dependent on being on time and not being rude to teachers.

The first 3 years of secondary school are awful for some pupils, being forced to learn subjects they're not interested in and treated as less important than the students doing exam courses. Year 8 is the worst, because you're not a new pupil who can expect support and a bit of leniency or a year 9 deciding which GCSEs to do and having extra staff support in that. So next year may be a bit better for her in any case.

That said, if she's spent the last year feeling lonely, depressed and demotivated it's really important not to have another year of that because she's not going to snap back into 'top student' mode on the first day of year 10. The habits of not working, resenting teachers and seeing it all as pointless will be too deeply ingrained. It's really important to find out what she thinks will help her and to take action to try and make that happen.

Excuse the essay, obviously a sore point for me ;) But please don't punish your unhappy girl.

Original poster
RhodaBull · 30/06/2016 09:58

I don't really think she is trying to fit in with her pals, as she doesn't have any! She seems to have a few acquaintances, but no one she sees out of school. She had a "best friend" for a while but this girl appears to have moved on.

She just seems to have ground to a halt. She did say yesterday that she can't wait for the term to be over. So sad to wish your life away.

OP posts:
Horehound · 30/06/2016 09:54

Oh yeh, don't compare them!

My brother had loads of friends and i hung around with a couple of nerds. I have plenty now, totally came out of my shell when i left school.

Horehound · 30/06/2016 09:51

Sorry not sure how old she is regarding years etc I dont have kids...

I went to private secondary and was still exactly the same as your daughter. I even his in the toilets and went to the nurse pretty much everyday because i hated school so much.

To be honest I am not sure what you can do. My parents moved me to an academy for 5th year and I did enjoy that a lot more so maybe ask her if she wants to move schools? Is she being bullied? Does she feel like she can't keep up in class so instead of seek help she just pans the whole thing?

I was allowed to take a couple of intermediate 2 exams but the rest are mediocre standard grades, not interested in going to uni so I arsed around at college for a bit then had to get a job. Built myself up from using agencies and getting a good CV built up.

It depends what she wants to do with her life really.
It's not the end of the world to get crap grades but I do regret not trying harder. I see a lot of my uni friends making a lot more money than me. At the same time I see them being made redundant a lot more than me too (all oil and gas in Aberdeen, so far I have hung on!)

But the worst thing I feel my parents did was to go ballistic at me. Never let me go out because they gave me extra homework from school. I hated it, I hated school. Ask her why she isn't trying?

MrsJayy · 30/06/2016 09:50

Year 8 is 13 yes? She is rebelling and fitting in with her pals do you have sanctions for school behaviour at home if she has detention i would ground her also contact school before they contact you say you want to work with school about her behaviour she sounds hard work dont compare her to her brother or her friends she is responsible for her own behaviour speak to her year group head before the end of term

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