Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Moving daughter from state to secondary in year 10

27 replies

Halloween73 · 05/06/2016 09:28

Just a warning this is a long post alert! Im in a real dilemma, my eldest DD is in year 9 at a good state school. Originally we wanted her to go to a private girls school in Newbury but we were unsure of affording the school fees for her and her younger sister. So we opted for the very good state school. The state school is not our catchment (30 mins away) and we were lucky to get her in (low birth rate year). However it's not been an easy ride with friendships. This time last year some friends fell out with her over something really silly. There was a particular unpleasant girl who was known for being a bi## and unfortunately most of the girls followed and chose to not speak to my daughter. She had one friend (not in her classes or her tutor) who stuck by her. It was a very miserable time and she hated school and was desperate to leave and was adamant she was not going back in Sept. Last July I spoke to the private school again about her starting year 9 in as I was seriously considering moving her. I never proceeded as it was just such bad timing. By July a month on the friendship issue had not got any better, but by then the private school had broken up. We were also due to go on holiday, and part of me didn't want to rush in just moving her to see if it could be resolved in Sept. The summer hols went buy and she saw not one school friend. To speed this up she went back to her state school in Sept and eventually maybe a month in the issues were resolved. However her best friend (who stuck by her) moved overseas and although she has friends they are not deep rooted friendships. I worry if there was a falling out again she could be in a similar position. She doesn't see friends from school very often outside of school. Luckily she has old primary school friends and friends from her dance school that she sees. That's the background, part of me has always regretted not getting her to sit the entrance exams last summer hols for the private school. My youngest daughter is in year 5 we are now in the position that we could afford to send both of them to the private school. I have to apply in Oct for secondary school for her. We will have the sibling rule in our favour but won't be guaranteed to get her in. However I feel it's not fair to send my youngest when my eldest didn't have that opportunity at the beginning. Plus my eldest has already started some GCSE work and she doesn't seem keen on moving but also doesn't want her sister to go to the private school as its not fair as she wasn't given the same opportunity which I completely understand. Has anyone had a similar situation eg moving a child from state to private to start in year 10? I'm gutted that we are in a position to do it but feel I can't send either as moving eldest could back fire re making new friendships, GCSE's etc! Any experience advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Original poster
Halloween73 · 05/06/2016 10:32

bojorojo thank you so much for your reply and sound advice! Yes I was very indecisive over DD1's secondary school!! Our catchment secondary is not great and we were only able to get her into the school that she's at due to an unusual low birth rate year. It was tough for her at the start she knew no one all local children generally live in Newbury so already knew each other. She also went to a very small primary school (Ofsted outstanding) one class let year. She found some of the girls (bitchy behaviour) quite difficult at first, she'd not experienced it at primary. Now I know some if that is growing up and experiencing the real world, and it certainly opened her eyes up to how nasty girls can be! The private school would have been a much closer match in terms of its size, small classes etc. Academically she's doing well although maths isn't her strongest and she's always had to work harder at this. As she's moved up in the years science is getting harder for her (although she's in top set but thinks she will drop to top middle in year 10) I do feel these two subjects she would have done better at at the private school with smaller classes and more individual attention. Yes that's what I have thought as well about sending her there for A levels. Although I worry with her finding maths and science quite hard and the new harder GCSE's she may not get the required grades to get in. I hope you don't mind me asking did your children have the choice to go state/private? I still worry about sending DD2 and DD1 resenting this as not bring given the same opportunity! 😩

OP posts:
bojorojo · 05/06/2016 10:02

I can appreciate this difficult situation. I have not faced the exact dilemma myself but I have had children in a mix of state and independent education.

Firstly, do not let your younger DD's views cloud your judgement. She could start at the independent school at 11 and I would do it. If you are some distance from the state school, the pupils are dependent upon parents to organise social events. Not all parents can and will do this. This can lead to a degree of isolation. Girls can also be difficult at this age and there is no guarantee there will not be falling out at the independent school and these pupils will also come from all over. On balance though, why send another DD to a school you are not happy with?

I think you have been very indecisive over DD1. She could leave now and you would need to speak to the independent school about the syllabus for her subjects. It may be they have not stated GCSEs so she has not missed anything, but if she now does not want to go, then this could be counter productive. I would probably let her stay where she is. My DD found that silly girls do grow up when GCSEs kick in and y10 is the start of this. They also find like minded people in their GCSE lessons and friendships change. Why not move her to the independent school for 6th form? This is a more natural time to move. The only way I would move now is if I thought her happiness and exam results would be seriously compromised by staying. However, you need to be decisive and do what you, as parents, believe to be the best thing. Money spent is down to you.