Last chance saloon - DS won't revise

BlueGazebo, could have written your post myself, except DS has Aspergers - seems really troubled about not having done the work he planned ( well, not done any at all !) over the past few days yet won't make a jot of difference to doing any today. He is year 10, just finished science gcse's and doesn't want me to help him organise his time, just wants me to leave him to it; but when it got to a few days before the exam asked me to go through revision guides with him - found myself reading key points out to him which felt ridiculous really but he felt it helped. Holidays are the worst as he just does nothing even when is really behind on assessed coursework. Currently am in a 'leaving him to it ' stage but just beyond frustrating. So , sorry no good advice except you are not alone! Suspect getting out of the way whilst making sure they are clear happy to help if asked may be the best, but hard to watch them dig s hole and jump in it.

You just want him to do his best - but he is doing his best. He doesn't know how to revise and he can't organise / motivate himself. Probably due to his ADHD / dyslexia.

What you really mean is you want him to reach his potential. Which he possibly won't do. But he is doing his best.

Also don't underestimate how much revision he's done in class. Nor how bright he is.

But ultimately he's 16 and it's his life. If he wants to redo his GCSEs later he can.

But right now he really is doing his best. This is his current best.

If the computing is ocr/Cambridge they have an online course with videos and other resources. Your DS could try that to fill in the gaps, much more interesting than trying to use notes or textbook. Mind you I tried encouraging my own DS to use it when he was complaining but not sure he has.

I was educated in the 80's and though my parents showed some interest it was nothing like parents do now. No idea what work I was doing, no help or nagging with revision...

blue I share your pain... Ds2 is mid-way through GCSEs and is doing diddly squat

He's still not up (just reading in bed) and has no drive to work at all

Encouraging, cajoling, nagging all have exactly the same effect - zilch

He's very bright though (his targets were all A/A*, not that he's going to get results like those now ...) so he's probably not in danger of failing anything completely. Dh and I have had to step back and let him get on with it, frustrating as that may be

Like you, however, I really worry about how he's going to cope with A-levels...

I'm interested how old you are, as I was having a conversation with a friend recently about parents lack of involvement with education and it seemed that was very much the norm (late 70s/early 80s - I left school at 16 in 1984 with one o level).

My mum was educated, one of very few in her area to get into a grammar school but she just didn't get involved in what me and my brother were up to at school.

It does seem a more recent development to be so involved as we all are (two DDs in year 10).

Also think it's two extremes and there's a balance somewhere.

Well done to your DS on getting to 335 I'm at 319 as I have not been playing Destiny for 2 months till this week as hooked on The Division. If you want to befuddle him ask him if he thinks the warlock storm caller should be nerfed.

I know many people are not poor through their own fault but I have always said to my DC education is the opportunity to actually improve your chances at earning a decent wage and its shit being poor.

My Family were both wealthy and poor, grand house and large income but alcoholic stepfather used to spend money like water and give money away! Mother spent her time fretting over her past glamorous life of being a professional dancer and model and we used to have a few showbiz types visiting the house. She really didn't care about education at all, was all about ensnaring a wealthy man.

My Mother thought it was more important to teach us how to walk properly with bloody books on our heads than actually read them.

I have been a hardcore gamer for 30 years though there have been times I have had to drop it.

In Destiny max level cap is 40 and Max light level is now 335. He will have wanted to play all the time this past week as its been Iron Banner a limited event with good loot. I stayed up till 3 am in an attempt to get all my bounties done. The event stopped running this morning.

I certainly did well at school but like your son have an amazing memory. When I was at University I was one of those annoying types that spent most of my time partying and just scribbling off an essay a couple of days before deadline and doing better than my poor mates who spent a week sweating over it. Hopefully he is like this. As an adult when doing all day in house training I would be done in an hour or two and then just sit and log my PC to an online game and play that if possible or just think about stuff while asking the odd question throughout the day so it appeared I was doing training.

Have I underachieved in life? I had a decent job in higher education and ran an academic library. I actually made my money through investing though and taught myself to do it as a teenager. Hell yeah I underachieved but I always wanted time to game and my most successful friends do crap like leave the house at 5am to commute in to the city and they will only have free time when their dead.

It's so difficult as all you want is for them to do their best and often see them 'throwing away' this chance. It's a fine line between encouraging and being too pushy. I do feel for kids and parents going through all this. If they don't do well it might give them the kick up the bum they need to put more effort in . My DD said she didn't care about her results but they do deep down.

Give them lots of love and maybe say you're happy to help with revision if they would like you to. They will get there .

BlueGazebo believe me I know from my DSs just how crucial these levels can be (PS not GCSE) :)

Don't blame your parents for not pushing g you when you were younger. You wouldn't have listened even if they did.

Well I would have listened and so would my OH. We both say the same. Had parents who just didn't engage with our education at all. Never even asked us if we had any homework. Never went to parent's evenings. In my case, my reports were sometimes so bad I never even showed them to my parents - they never even noticed they hadn't seen them. Just didn't give a shit about my education. If someone had shown some interest, then I'd have put more effort in, especially in the earlier years before the rot set in. I wasn't a rebellious child, never in trouble with anyone, but no-one around me (at home nor school) seemed to think education was important so I didn't either!

Don't blame your parents for not pushing g you when you were younger. You wouldn't have listened even if they did.

You cannot make someone achieve more than they want to at the time. There are always other ways to get where you want to be. I went to uni aged 39!

A levels only keep doors open if you succeed at them though.

If looking for a job at 18, then someone with a related BTEC might be far more employable than someone with poor A level grades.

I agree with Doinmummy. Nagging (apart from very, very occasional low level nagging type outbursts) must be extremely irritating for a DC taking exams. Seven of my DC have done GCSEs (I only say that so that you know this isn't just theory) and the half term break has always been fairly relaxed on the revision front. By then they really either know it or they don't. The one DS who needed prodding has an amazing memory like your DS and did absolutely fine, got his predictions etc. I genuinely believe that nagging can just cause stress, for everyone and that it ultimately does no good. To revise productively they need to feel like revising - or at least not feel like they really don't feel like revising. I'd follow your DHs suggestion, honestly I would.

The Khan Academy is good fir maths. It's online and free. He can replay the videos as man times as he needs. The local tuition outfit were great too. It caused too much angst and bad feeling to tutor our own kids even though I'm a teacher and DH is a massive science clever clogs. It was pricey but worth it. DS2 has ASD and quite a few of the difficulties and strengths
overlap with dyslexia.

Having been through hell with DD and school (expelled just before exams -don't ask) I have a different view now (hindsight and all that ).

Leave them to it, don't keep nagging about revision, they will do as well as they will do. There are loads of different options if they don't get the grades they need . I think there's way too much pressure on kids . Once GCSE's are over , they're forgotten and looking back all the grief and angst will seem daft. Trust me , things all work out in the end .