Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Help me to get over the fact that year 11 dd is failing to put the work in at GCSE

82 replies

fidelix · 09/05/2016 22:10

I am v stressed at the moment as my year 11 dd is not bothering to put much effort in at GCSE.

She had history today and said it had lots of odd qus she wasn't expecting and couldn't possibly have revised for but these included topics that a) are in the syllabus, and b) were in past papers that I desperately tried to interest in her last night (she has not bothered to look at a single one, even though she plans to do history A Level and supposedly wants to do it for a degree!). I am getting so stressed, as dd refuses to plan her revision, I think still seems to imagine she can get by in most subjects with night-before revision, makes no efforts to look at anything beyond her (incomplete) school notes (even though I've bought revision guides) and didn't even know until yesterday there was more than 1 exam board! (Seriously - she looked most shocked when I told her!). She also seems to think predictions are gospel, and she is guaranteed the predicted grade even with minimum work.

Should add that she at an excellent selective school, where A* and As are common and she got in on exam, so is a bright girl - but her work ethic seems to have vanished.

I'm frustrated and disappointed - she won't let anyone help. I'm sad for her, because she assumes she will get into at least a Russell Group uni, like her dad, and doesn't seem to get that you actually need the grades to get there. She previously decided she didn't want to follow me to Oxbridge - now that dream (mine, not hers) seems laughably far away.

How do those of you who have bright but lazy children, who were high-achieving academically yourselves, cope emotionally with watching your dcs fail to put the effort in? I know she does want to go to a good university, but appears to have no idea they won't just 'know' she's deserving of a place. She just doesn't seem to get that you can't wing it at GCSE. That GCSEs measure work, not brilliance.

I know I need to get over my frustration because it's not helping anyone and that her grades are her business not mine, but I'm not dealing with this well.

Help, please!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
fidelix · 09/05/2016 22:36

noble, her mocks were 5 As, 2 Bs, 3 Cs - but I think they were easier than the real thing by a long way (eg not whole syllabuses, just parts of them). I think because she was very high-achieving in year 7/8, the school still sees her as bright and tends to put her in high groups, even if she has no idea what's going on - eg recently discovered that she knew no tenses (not even the present tense!) in French and didn't even know the French for thank you! (This is serious - me and my dh just gazed at each other in awe that anyone could learn a language for 5 years and not know that.)

She's quite bright so can probably pull off good grades in English - but that's not possible in all subjects.

OP posts:
blueemerald · 09/05/2016 22:34

Probably not what you want to hear but some students definitely can wing GCSEs. Getting good results (but not amazing) may be the kick she needs for A level too. It was for me!

Original poster
fidelix · 09/05/2016 22:28

Sorry, misread. No, agree, me getting emotional won't help at all. But I'm finding it hard not to be emotional about watching my pfb fail to get the grades she is capable of.

OP posts:
Rezolution123 · 09/05/2016 22:28

There is a lot about you here OP and not much positive info about your DD.
What does SHE want for herself in the future?

noblegiraffe · 09/05/2016 22:27

How were her mocks?

TBH if she's very bright and at an excellent selective school, she could probably do pretty well at GCSEs without doing much at home.

Original poster
fidelix · 09/05/2016 22:27

Won't help who? I'm trying not to be the mother-from-hell in terms of nagging dd, so in that sense it might help dd. It might also help me! As in stop me exploding!

I think the whole house might be happier if I could just disappear till after GCSEs were over! But I have 2 younger dcs, so not possible! I'm just finding watching her not work really hard to watch without comment!

OP posts:
goodbyestranger · 09/05/2016 22:20

I can't see that you getting emotional will help.