problems with daughter and teachers.. help/advice please

It's more the treat of having mom or dad in class

I can see both sides of this - I hated school, and being regimented. Some children feel really trapped by school and play up in accumulating minor ways to show their unhappiness - because, be clear, she is unhappy. She is unhappy because she is spending every day doing something and being somewhere that she does not want. How many of us adults could stand that every day? All day.

But it is equally clear that her behaviour cannot be tolerated because it is not just her own education which is at stake, but all the others in the class.

The feeling of being picked on arises from the fact that the teachers are aware of how she behaves and quite reasonably come down on it at the first sign of trouble.

I guess you will find that she will do much better in college - it may suit her style better. She will still have to pipe down in class, but there are fewer small rules (I hesitate to say petty) that are such an irritant to teenagers and detract from the important rules about having concern and respect for others. Whilst the school is troubling itself with uniform issues, they often fail to notice that this pupil is kind and popular. I firmly believe that if they bunk off PE it is because the lesson is crap - if they were to do dance - street dance or line dancing - the students would be queuing up to do it. And it would give them just as much exercise. If someone was forcing me to go to the gym I might cut up a bit!

It is interesting that she is doing OK in her GCSEs, so you need to hang on to that positive element.

When I was obviously bored in lessons my A level French teacher gave me the syllabus and told me to get on with it in my own time and my own way - which I did. He could see that the school setting was not my kind of thing and responded accordingly - I did fine in my A-level by the way.

I think that the school need to meet her half way - they need to acknowledge that she is doing fine in her work, and to listen to what it is about school that she finds so hard to deal with. If the school listens to her, she is more likely to listen to them. I think your position needs to be that you understand that there is something about school that does not suit her, praise her for her good work, but also be clear that she cannot disrupt others' learning.

I have always felt that herding young people together with lots of their same age group en masse is not a good way to proceed.

Rather than exclusion perhaps you could spend a few days in school with her to see for yourself and correct her behaviour?

Is that an actual serious suggestion? There is absolutely no way that will either help or happen. Can you imagine how disruptive it would be to have random parents sitting in lessons? It sends the message that either the teacher is not believed or capable of managing her behaviour without the help of mum and if the girl has any sense she won't step out of line. Really bad idea.

Or rather you could believe the teachers when they say she is misbehaving in lessons and deal with it appropriately.

Rather than exclusion perhaps you could spend a few days in school with her to see for yourself and correct her behaviour? - I imagine this would be difficult for safeguarding reasons

Rather than exclusion perhaps you could spend a few days in school with her to see for yourself and correct her behaviour?

I would like to see this as a school policy - having had one daughter change schools for this reason - one disruptive child - no learning - one frustrated DD.

Totally agree that low level disruption has a massive impact on the learning of the rest of the class. At the school I teach at we have zero tolerance for stuff like that, and at 55 behaviour points is say she's had more than enough "chances/warnings". I don't think exclusion is over the top at all. Constant disruption of the lessons is, in my opinion, just as bad as kicking off type behaviour. Often children displaying aggressive/violent behaviour have reasons behind this that need dealing with/support offering, but low level disruption just shows a lack of respect for staff and other pupils.

Is it an internal exclusion?
Sounds like they have tried the softer penalties & now they have to go for a hard one. What do you think they should do instead to get her attention? They have very few options, really.

I'm really sorry but at 15 she should know the rules. I agree with others that low-level disruption has a massive impact on other children who are trying to learn. I'm glad that your daughter is doing ok with her GCSE's, but there will be others in her classes who are struggling and desperately need the time from teachers that your daughter's behaviour is probably demanding.

As a parent I'm sure you are alarmed. Having said that, it isn't just a couple of things she's got wrong over her time in the school and it needs nipping in the bud now.

My niece was always being late for school and this has carried on into her first job. She's upset that everyone else who started around the same time has trained up for other jobs within the organization, but those jobs are front of house where they need people there on time!

Disruption is distracting for other pupils who are trying to do their best and as others have said time consuming for teachers. If she's excluded for two days, hopefully she will learn her lesson and become more focussed.

If a teacher has a lesson of 45 minutes of 30 kids that is 1 and a half minutes of teacher time per student. If they are spending 10 minutes of each lesson dealing with your daughters behaviour which 7 kids should have their education impaired?

Persistant low level poor behaviour disadvantages other students education. It will usually be the ones who get on with their work - but could do with help from the teacher to help them reach their full potential. Unfortunately because of your daughter's behaviour they will have to do with a substandard education and this will have long term implications for them.

Leave it. Carry on acting as though she's doing nothing wrong and when she's on her 15th job or sitting on your couch after being sacked for the umpteenth time you'll look back and wish you took this seriously.

There are rules, you have superiors, there are consequences.

Best you back up those superiors now and get her to start following the rules and showing some respect.

I guess the negative behaviour points eventually have a penalty and exclusion is the next step.55 points?? She has had opportunities to stop the escalation but chooses not too.

I don't think she is being picked on but she has obviously developed a reputation and that is hard to shake off.I bet teachers have discussed how disruptive she is in class and trying to take a uniform approach.

Her behaviour will be disrupting others and I bet other parents will relived that she is being dealt with.Why should children who turn up on time, with the right uniform and attitude have to have disruption whilst your DD decides she doesn't have to do those things?

Btw, I was a disruptive teen, it was caused by a difficult homelife and subsequently I have realised I may have been depressed (rebellion is often depression in teens).

Does she have any difficulties with learning?

If not for your dd's sake she needs to start taking some responsibility as it will impact her in later life.Does she have any career aspirations?
It's completely fair for the school to expect her to turn up on time with right materials..Is this an area you and her could focus on? Have a checklist each night to pack what's needed?

And teachers don't wind students up-you may get the odd teacher that does do this but you can complain about those with concrete evidence. The vast majority of teachers simply don't do this.

Truanting pe? Being late etc? Your dd sounds a pain-in my school only the real naughties truant pe. Back the school and be glad they are taking it seriously.

Has she actually been given the exclusion or have you been told she is 'at risk of exclusion' (threatened)?

You have my sympathies BUT... Two things:
Firstly- has the school been communicating with you about this and already given lunch time or afternoon detentions? If they have and she hasn't changed her behaviour then the sanctions do have to escalate.
Secondly - having 'low level' persistent behaviour issues is incredibly disruptive to the other pupils and is really unfair.

In my opinion you need to go in to the meeting and be supportive of the school who are trying to get on top of your daughters behaviour and look after the rest of her class mates. She may have a reputation and feel she's 'picked on' as a result but needs to show that she's willing to turn over a new leaf and needs your backing of the school to make her realise how important behaving herself is. She needs to show that she's learnt from her mistakes- not keep repeating them.
Teenagers are so hard!

Sorry but also a teacher and agree with the others. Low level disruption is a nightmare and it sounds as if she is constantly testing the teacher's boundaries.

Sorry but I'm pretty zero tolerance too. Low level disruption is still disruption - she's affecting other pupils' opportunities to learn, and at least some of them will hate her for it. She needs to sort herself out - exclusion is harsh, but it might be what's needed to get that message home.

Yep - may seem "low level" to most people - but when teachers have spent hours or parting lessons and one kid mucks about - the lesson doesn't get taught -

Frustrating to the teacher and 29 other students

Do you shout out in meetings?
Can't find a pen?
Forget your notes?
Need the loo?

20 times in a hour?

She deserves to be excluded - sorry

Unfortunately the low level disruptive students can really cause big problems to the learning of others. Students who are violent generally have real 'issues' and support can be put in place. Unfortunately schools do not have the resources to support students who are 'trying it on'. Sorry to be blunt.

Your DD sounds like a pain in the arse. Good thing that the school are giving her a kick up the backside, please support them and tell her to sort her shit out. GCSEs are too important for her to piss about in lessons, wasting her teacher's time and affecting the learning of others.

Forgetting rules? So breaking them?
Swearing?
Truanting?
Messing about in class and stopping others learning?
And you think this is harsh?
Wind her up? By doing their jobs?
Go overboard? By sanctioning her shitty behaviour and attitude?
You need to back the school on this one and ensure she knows she needs to behave differently.