AIBU to expect GCSE/A level aged DC to leave all phones/ tablets outside their rooms overnight?

I do this with year 8,9 and 12 children, but only for the last fe months

It serves the year 12 child right as he grassed up the year 8 child at a very inappropriate time

Just google "site blocker" and you should get quite a few hits, depending on the operating system, e.g. Android or iOS. There will be options where you can block sites completely, or between certain hours, or after X minutes use.

"My eldest DSD self regulated always and did brilliantly academically. It's so easy to become complacent when your have a child like that there's no need to get involved."

I'm glad you said that because I think that's the problem I have with some parents not understanding my problem. DD is not at all like your DSD, and it is a constant battle to get her to revise, let alone revise without her phone/iPad (which is hidden) and Macbook.

Unfortunately she listens to Spotify while she is revising (I don't have a problem with that as I used to work listening to music) and she uses BBC Bitesize so I can't entirely ban technology. Ideally I would love to just block social media, but don't know how to.

I've taken the approach of them having phones in their rooms but not in their beds, but if I find them with a phone in their bed then it gets taken out of their room to charge. This is working well with DS (y11) and younger DD.

It does not work for my DSC who used to stay at their mum's in the week and had no limits imposed there, so resent any intervention strongly. Much harder to introduce that kind of regulation than if you always have it in place.

My eldest DSD self regulated always and did brilliantly academically. It's so easy to become complacent when your have a child like that there's no need to get involved. My younger DSD (also Y11) is currently failing completely to self regulate phone use, has had loads of time off school for vague illnesses and grades are dropping right down :( But very hard to change phone rules when they're already used to no rules.

I don't think YABU with your Y11. But would prefer to reach an agreement with a sixth form age child that they put the phone on downtime but leave it in their room

Sorry Bunbaker I see your issue. I should have made clear that my comment was in answer to the OP.

But leaving DD to self regulate just doesn't work.

So what do you suggest?

I personally think your approach is significantly over the top, both for the Y11 and the Y13.

"GCSEs are the be all and end all for our DS right now. I'm not jeopardising that by letting him be on his phone all night, quite honestly. There is no need."

Same for DD. She has social anxiety and zero self confidence. The thought of having to go to the 6th form college in town terrifies her. She needs and wants to do 6th form at her school where there would be 150 in her year and not 1500, teachers that she already knows and a building she already knows her way around and is easy to get to.

Therefore I will support her to get the grades to achieve this. However, I will not be giving her this kind of support in two years time. I agree that at 18 DD will need the self sufficiency to help her cope with university.

"Stoneagemum" I suggest you read my post just above yours.

You understand wifi is there and our phones just hook into it.Leaving the phone outside your room doesn't help.Besides our phones are our alarms

Yep! Hence we turn the wifi off at night.

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You understand wifi is there and our phones just hook into it. Leaving the phone outside your room doesn't help.

Various things decrease with the square of the distance away. It is why people are advised that texting or using mobile on speaker is 'safer' than holding it to your ear.

Besides our phones are our alarms

Alarm clocks don't cost very much.

But yeah, my DS needs AAA*A and 2 x grade 1 at STEP.He has a gaming computer on his desk and always has FB or a game open whilst he is working which I am a bit about.I wish he would give his work his whole attention!

You understand wifi is there and our phones just hook into it.Leaving the phone outside your room doesn't help.Besides our phones are our alarms

We don't allow phones in rooms any night, including our own. We also turn our wifi off at night. It's for 2 reasons really. A) to give them a break from the Internet and keep their personal space safe and b) I cant believe it's actually good for our brains to sleep next to a cell phone. Same as having wifi always bouncing around.

There are 3 kids in my sons high school who are suffering from brain rumors/cancer, which I find both utterly sad and absolutely terrifying. I know scientists will say there's no link but I'm going to err on the side of caution.

GCSES are not the be all and end all

There's no way anyone would have convinced me of that at 16! I know it's true now, but I certainly didn't then!

I think there is a big difference between the 23 age groups.At GCSE then you can impose these rules .A Y13 is 18 or very nearly 18 and it feels wrong.

GCSEs are the be all and end all for our DS right now. I'm not jeopardising that by letting him be on his phone all night, quite honestly. There is no need.

They have to learn to self regulate sometime, GCSES are not the be all and end all its as good as time as any to learn that you get out what you put in

Sigh. It is clear that some parents on here just don't realise that some of our year 11s don't have the emotional maturity to self regulate. Or they have children who always do as they are told. Sadly DD does neither.

I agree with the poster who said regulate the year 11s and let the year 13s get on with it.

Meh they either do it or they don't. School puts the pressure on they
Need to be responsible for them selves , it's their life they are dealing with

They've complained that I'm the ONLY parent they know that does this.

All other parents also pay much more pocket money, allow all their friends to have TVs and full internet access, take alcohol to parties, wear unsuitable shoes, etc, etc, etc, and s'not fair!

It was ever thus.

I sometimes chose to read Terry Pratchett till the small hours, or write personal letters (showing my age) rather than translate some French or write an essay on Mary I and the Reformation. There are always ways to distract oneself. I'd be stricter with the younger one than the older, but I would have a discussion to point out that it's probably not wise to use electronic things in the hour before bed (which would be totally hypocritical, but I am not due to take exams*. And I'm the adult.) And I'd make it clear the decision is based on trust and can be rescinded at any point if it's not working.

• Not true. I have a techy exam in a month, which I am hoping will go away... it won't.

I would add that were you to post this on the Higher Education thread I am pretty sure it would prompt the regular refrain from the academics on there that too many students arrive at university without self discipline and self motivation and with a sense of entitlement to being mollycoddled. Many may go mad when they get there but they would see that as a manifestation of too much helicopter parenting which leaves these young people ill prepared to function effectively in a university environment.

We wouldnr let our 16 year old gcse year DS have his phone overnight, not a chance. Just Saturday nights; this easter holiday we are cracking down as well because of exams, normally we leave it to him.

Ds2, 17, about to sit Alevels, and we don't interfere anymore. He's close to being an adult.

YEAR 11 - then YANBU

YEAR 13 - YABU and controlling . You really need to be moving from treating them like kids to adults at this age. It's up to them to manage their studies at this age.

Totally reasonable to leave tech outside the bedroom overnight, as long as the same rule applies to everyone in the house. Make it a family habit and it will be good for everyone's health.