National Offer Day- From a Child's Perspective

I for one have sympathy for the OP's daughter. My DD knew all about which schools were good and which ones were bad, not from me but from her friends at school! They do talk, girls especially, and people who end up in schools considered "bad" are pitied and ostracised. DD was on the phone with her friends last night, one poor girl was turned down for her top five choices and ended up in a local school that has a very bad reputation, she was in tears on the phone and all of the others on the line were commiserating and sympathising and secretly glad that their applications turned out OK. Don't be so quick to blame the parents!

It sounds rebeccapm as though the stress your DD has felt has come from both you and your husband not knowing the system and not putting in sufficient work to find out.

Yes, it is stressful as others on MN will testify, but you have been offered your nearest school. You can't start pinning blame on the Local Authority for that. You have then been given dud advice by your current headmaster - again you can't blame the Local Authority. The LA sound as though they have done a reasonable job.

If you are really upset and private schooling/home educating isn't an option then you need to get on waiting lists and start preparing appeals for the school you would like. Remember you are appealing for a school not telling the appeal panel why you don't like the school you have been allocated.

Has your Headmistress really advised not to accept the offer? In Herts, if you decline the school offered, the LA is under no further obligation to help you find a school and appeals panels take a very dim view. In other words, accept the place and continue with waiting lists.

And you haven't been let down by the LA, you've been allocated a school.

"Most of DD's friends got their first choice."

... so the "system" works pretty well for most people? I'm sorry that your DD is going to a school that she doesn't know (but can surely get to know it?) but it sounds like her list of preferences just wasn't realistic.
Also, what happened to the school you moved into catchment for? If you've missed out by (say) miniscule distance you probably have a good chance of getting in off the waiting list.

Just for comparison, my DD lives in London and has only applied for state schools. She has done one borough test which was done during school time and we didn't do any any practice for. She hasn't had any other tests and because I haven't stressed to her about it, she didn't even know it was offer day when she woke up yesterday.

Your story sounds very familiar with families going down the private school route though.

I hope your DD gets a place with which she is happy. There is a lot of movement between now and September on the waiting lists so don't give up hope yet.

Did you actually put all selectives on the form? Is that possible?
I know some people get none of their choices, but did you have an 'insurance' school that you included?

I agree - very poor advice indeed from your headteacher.

You should have been advised to accept and then get on waiting lists and/or prepare an appeal. The local authority has fulfilled its obligations to offer you a school and does not have to find you an alternative.

There is lots of threads running now , with great advice and guidance on how to maximise any opportunities to secure an alternative place at a preferred school, so I won't repeat here.

But genuinely sorry for your dd, that she is so disproportionately upset. I hope it works out for her, either by discovering that the local school is not as you fear or that you find a place for her in a school that you are all happier with. Good luck.

a failing school in special measures will get a lot of resources. go see it. strange you didnt know of its existence...

but reality is a lot of movement between now and september and even in in first or second term. get her on wait lists for preferred choices.

if the school allocated is not working out she can stay on wait lists and move later. but you going to have to be positive about the school and how it is improving etc and has maybe great dance facilities or some such

stop talking about moving to the suburbs you will end up in same position and no friends nearby!

and work to build her resilience, she should not have been so anxious between October and M arch

It started last fall, when I had to take a bunch of entrance exams. Months of studying, doing extra practice exams, weekends spend taking tests and visiting schools, trying to do my best on each exam, although they were all so different. I worked hard, and am at the top of my class. We even moved houses a while ago, to be in the catchment of the school that I really wanted to go to.

Phew. Was this meant to be a lesson in how to stress your dc out about the application process?

I'd be interested to know what part of London you're in, as London secondary schools in general are mostly on the up now. I also agree with a previous poster who said that sometimes this 'failing school' business can be hearsay from a while ago. There was a school like this near me, nobody wanted to send their kids there and I was distraught when my DDs were originally allocated it and relieved when they moved up the waiting list and got into our first choice. However, roll on 4 years and everyone is choosing the other school!

Weird advice from your DDs Head! Don't turn down the school you've been given, you must accept it and then appeal/go on waiting lists etc for the others or you could end up with a school even worse on the other side of London.

I agree it sounds like you've been over-sharing this secondary school business with your DD, but you can't 'undo' that now, so just concentrate on boosting the school you've got, visiting it, and reassure her that everything will turn out ok. It usually does!

Unless you can explain how your daughter knows that a school (of which she has never heard of) is 'failing', I think you will face some quite justified criticism on here, as the assumption will be she has heard it from yourself. You are now, still, heaping on the pressure with a proposed move away from friends/her home.

Your job was to ensure your DD did not feel the pressure of the system and prepare her for any outcome. If you had carefully looked at the admissions criteria for the 6 schools you chose (I'm assuming some of these were Grammars as she did exams and therefore you had a good idea of her chances BEFORE you put them on the form) you would have had a good idea that she might not be be accepted?

As posted on here numerous times. Always accept the place you have been given unless you have a private option or are going to home school. The Local Authority has done its job and found you a school place and it doesn't legally have to do any more. Turning down the place isn't going to get you up the waiting lists any faster or help with any appeals. I think prh and tiggytape say that turning down a place can even hinder an appeal.

It is also worth looking up any other school near you that you are happy to get to and seeing if they have places left. If they have you can accept a place there and still remain on waiting lists/appeal for your choices.
If you search on here there is some excellent advice on appealing. There is also lots of poor advice so be careful who you listen to.

The problem is your address, the choices you put on her form and your dd's 11+ score not being high enough. I sympathise that it's very expensive to move close to outstanding schools in London and that even if your dd is bright it's hard tutoring your child harder than other bright children to get that extra mark.

You've been allocated a local school. Even if it's failing, that is better than some children got yesterday. I'm surprised that you would move to an address where the nearest school is failing and not realise that there was a very high chance of being allocated it.

The head's advice is terrible. Accept the failing school and go on the waiting lists of any other acceptable schools. If you reject the place and don't get a waiting list place then you could end up sending her to a school that's even worse and very far away.

You should accept the offered school unless you will definitely home-school for years should a better place not come up.

From what I have read on here, declining the school will not help any appeal, and may even put the panel's back up.

I think I and other responders, have no issue with your DD having a view. However as a parent you maybe had a duty to protect her more from the process and to be positive about all options.

Letter reads to me as if it has been co-written by an adult. If the child is so stressed by the process, you as a parent need to take responsibility for that. Encouraging this kind of letter to the local press will exacerbate rather than alleviate the problem.

Did your DD get offers from the private/selective schools you applied to? If not perhaps you were aiming for the wrong schools. Or do you have a private banked that you intended to use if you did not get a top state?

Like other posters, I find it bizarre (and contradictory) that you have never heard of your closest school but know that it is a "failing school". IME ALL London parents are very aware of the "swervable schools" in their vicinity - that is how they avoid putting them on their application form.

You should be telling you DD there is a lot of movement on lists between now and September. Put her on the waiting lists for the schools you prefer - taking account of the admissions criteria. The strong likelihood is she will get one of her preferred schools by September. In the meantime, talk up the school she has been allocated. The very few failing secondaries in London receive a massive resource boost and are turned around very quickly.

You are making it much worse by catastrophising in this way. STOP.

How do you know it's a 'failing school' rebeccaapm, if you didn't know of its existence? Don't be persuaded by OFSTED or local reputation, go and see what you think of it yourself, and then make a judgement.

As for entrance exams: I am not in a grammar area, but e.g. Kent or Bucks which are, just have the one 11+ exam per county for the children wanting to go to grammar school, not an 11+ for each school.

It's mostly those children applying for independent schools which do loads of exams, and how many they take is definitely to do with how many their parents have entered them for.

Sorry, OP, but I don't think this one is going to go viral.

I think often parents don't even realise the stress they are putting their own children under regarding school selection. It's very sad.

Also- I think the advice is to always accept the place, but get onto the wait lists for all the other schools you'd prefer. There's a MNer that knows the ins and outs, prhbridge? She'll be around in education

Last year we moved back to the uk from abroad. My youngest dd, who is nine, was out of school for nearly three months as there were no places anywhere.

She knew she wasn't in school, like her sister and the other children in the area. But we just told her that the schools were a bit full and we were looking for the right one. We didn't tell her about the appeals and the absolute terror we had that she was going to end up in a terrible school on the other side of the county. Or at no school at all. She has no idea I had to go and sit in front of a panel of people and talk about her.

If you moved 'into catchment', may I ask what happened there? Has the catchment changed, or is it one based on distance?

Your child shouldn't be stressing about this - that is unfair pressure for a parent to put on a kid. Your child shouldn't know that a school is 'failing' (what does that actually mean? Is it in Special Measures?). Your child should know where her nearest school is, I am surprised she doesn't.

Your post is extremely emotive and I'm afraid I don't believe that your daughter wrote it herself. Helping her to write that has just put more pressure on her, pressure a 10 year old doesn't need.

FWIW, we have visited all schools available to us, as a family, discussed their positives, any drawbacks etc, chosen the ones we want to put down. End of conversation. No pressure.