Choosing a secondary school Woldingham, Wycombe Abbey or Benendon?

My DD went to Benenden and is now at uni. She loved it there and did well academically and in sport. The facilities are great and there are so many opportunities as well in the arts and music. The girls are delightful and have a lovely manner, confident without being arrogant. I don't know about the new head but would suggest you go and have a look at the school and see how it feels to you. You'll know when you get there if it's right for your daughter.

The school is in the middle of the countryside but the girls are kept busy and the lower school has a very active weekend programme and there's easy transport back to London. The perceived isolation of the school was great as there were no distractions to DD's work as she got older!

From memory WA have weekly interhouse sport competitions which are a major part of school so sport participation is a big thing. Lacrosse is pretty dominant though and a sporty new comer at 13 who hadn't really played any lacrosse would risk never really catching up in the school's major team sport.
With any very academic school, those comfortably in the right ability zone usually find plenty of time for EC activities especially before sixth form. I think WA would certainly provide lots of ECs but sometimes the staff might need to help a girl not to take too much on.

Sport, at senior independent school IS all about winning - and I don't care what they tell parents. There is no fun in sport if it is a slog and it's win at all costs. If you are not team fodder or a brilliant individual it is hard to keep up an interest because the PE teachers invest their time in the teams. The fun people are invisible. There may be swim sessions and gym sessions available though. Sometimes non competitive badminton too.

In most schools it really is not the case that girls give up all their extra curricular and sport. A small minority may do. If your DD likes sport, then why would she not continue? I have never heard of a sport scholar not playing sport - where my DDs went to school some of the sport scholars had reduced lessons so they could practice more, especially the tennis scholars. My DDs were not sport mad, but used dance and singing as their main areas for stress release. Singing is very good for that.

As my DD discovered, 12 extra curricular is too much. Everyone asks a busy person to do more! Most pupils find a happy medium and find things they enjoy so it is not a slog on top of school work. Senior schools also introduce pupils to new opportunities. So expect to see some new hobbies. Boarding school should be about fun too.

I also thought the dorms were really cramped and run-down.

Being nosey here really. Did you get to look round all 3 types of house Rubens/Pitt the outhouses & the ones up the hill? A million years ago there was quite a variety in accommodation.

At the St Mary's open day they made if very clear that they are a CATHOLIC school so I was quite surprised to see Lady Louise Windsor sitting the assessment last year.

So perhaps it's a CATHOLIC school*

*unless you are a member of the royal family.....

She didn't go though.....

Great school nonetheless.

Woldingham is Catholic, but welcomes girls of other/no faith as long as they can support the general ethos of the school. My DD thinks that only half of her friends are actually Catholic.

Surely Woldingham is also Catholic? Though admitedly less so. St Mary's in our experience is quite strict on the religion. Indeed would not even send us a prospectus 8 years ago, despite cousins and others being there, as DD was not baptised.

Pity as it forms a reasonable alternative to WA for the bright but slightly less confident girl.

Another option, again Catholic but not demandingly so, is Mayfield. Perhaps more for the quieter girl, and they are getting increasing numbers of enquiries from London parents who feel the London day school thing is too much, but they get very good results particularly in STEM subjects despite a broad intake.

Are you taking your daughter with you to look around these schools loopygoose? My Year 7 DD did the rounds last year and it's a bit like buying a new house - you walk into one and it just feels "right".

A wise mum at St Mary's Ascot (who I didn't know) told me the decision had to come from my DD. If you send your child boarding at 11, they are likely to have a wobble at some point along the line. The last thing you want to hear during tearful phone conversations is "all my friends went to xyz" or "I never wanted to come to this school anyway".

My DD set her heart on Downe House (I wanted her to go to St Mary's Ascot as it's much closer). During the application process Downe House fell over themselves to make her feel welcome and she's absolutely loving the school. If your DD likes languages she'd love spending a term in Veyrines in year 8.....

My friend's Dd went to St Mary's - they are not Catholic. I agree it is not for everyone and that would have included us.

Before I saw your response about the girls leaving, I did know it was very popular with London parents. When a few girls start applying to other schools at 6th form it can have a snowball effect. Everyone starts doing it. My DDs went to girls' boarding schools and the girls do fear living in a school bubble for 7 years. Boys go at 13, girls often go at 11. After 5 years they want a change so change for 6th form. It is not necessarily a comment on the first school, more a grass is greener comment on the new school.

Regarding the ethos of the school, it really depends who shows you around. Not everyone will have a massive portfolio of extra curricular activities. My DD1 had a huge number of activities going into y11 which resulted in a meeting with her HM as to which ones to cut out. They cannot do everything and often activities clash so the young people have to prioritise. Eg school play or hockey team? When DD1 showed parents around, they must have thought she was queen of the extracurricular! When they are doing A levels and are working more independently, they often do not keep everything going and concentrate on exams. Of all the things your DD enjoys at the moment, I can guarantee that when exams kick in, there will be things that have to take a back seat. They are often replaced by school activities: going to the theatre, house activities, model United Nations, volunteering, D of E, Junior Enterprise, showing parents round etc. The list goes on and on.

Some schools have great boarding accommodation that has been modernised. Elsewhere it is somewhat older. CLC used to have beds separated by curtains. They are all different and some girls will tell you that if they have put up with boarding school dorms, nothing phases them. I would honestly be more interested in the quality of the house staff. Keep looking. Somewhere will gel.

All the girls I know from Wycombe Abbey found it quite tough on their confidence. The expectations are very high indeed.
DS2's school does a few extra curricular things with Benenden and he loves it there. Says it's really friendly and idyllic. (He even asked me if they take boys in 6th form!)

and Wycombe were Rathbones National School Lacrosse champions 2015! In a school as academic as Wycombe (in any school in fact, there will hopefully be girls with a huge cross section of interests - no school will be full of Sport Billies).

Sorry - I'm not from the Wycombe PR department! With DD having just gone through the 2016 application process, we've been attempting to ask every question & turn over every stone to find her ideal school...still are as decision date looms....

Hmmm, seasaltcaramel, I know what you mean - I've been trying to figure out how those numbers stack up too... Approaching now from the 11+ end and seeing how many London girls are super-prepped for super-selectives such as Wycombe, perhaps it is that there are just too many of the 'wrong kind of girl' making it through...

Apologies for off-piste musings Loopy! Good luck with the search.

I thought the houses at WA were great especially if compared to some boys' boarding houses!!

But if they are so happy at their school why look to move. I get that some might want to go coed ( KCS/Westminster etc) or to day school (SPGS) but it doesn't account for such a huge proportion of the year group. It was something we never felt we got a satisfactory answer to.......heard too many stories of "just wanting to get out of there"....... The competition and pressure is intense. For the right girl it's fine, but it's not for everyone.

seasaltcaramel - just a thought - but I wonder if it is partly because they are so successful in their applications to other schools? Wycombe girls are quite a commodity. It is quite normal for a girls at all girls' boarding schools to test the mixed 6th form water....The reasons for which they stay might not always be entirely positive, just as the reasons for which girls leave Wycombe might not all be entirely negative?

Investigate why so many leave WA after GCSE - 20-25%. It's much more than the other all girl
Boarding schools.

I can see the list of schools where Cottesmore pupils have been successful in obtaining academic scholarships. I would say that if your DD gets into the scholarship stream, then any of these girls' schools would be possible. Woldingham is not on the list for any scholarships so perhaps is not popular with Cottesmore parents. Close schools are not always the best schools.

I would be slightly wary of a wanting a child pushed all the time. In the end that can get very wearing and be no fun. I have seen it in Chinese children where it is all work and no play, unless it is a musical instrument. If she is one of the brightest she will get her chance of a scholarship and the school will advise you on where to look. I see Downe House is a destination and I would look at St Mary's, Ascot. Any of these schools would do well with a bright girl. CLC is the classic town school.

However, all these schools breathe rarified air. They are not full of ordinary types! If you want to stay grounded, going to an exclusive girls' boarding school just won't do it and being at somewhere like High Wycome won't help. The two are possibly incompatible. My DD went to Godstowe Prep where lots of girls went to WA. They were universally bright, but not necessarily gifted. They all had professional (city lawyers, surgeons, consultants, PR executive, business executives, accountants etc) or very rich (old money) parents. I would say being grounded was not a priority for any of them! The ones who were not so well off took the Bucks 11 plus and had a free grammar school education.

Look at the schools based on what they offer and whether you like the "feel" of them. Do you think your DD will thrive in their care? Do they offer the extra curricular you are looking for? You will definitely know which schools are more suitable nearer the time.

I can't provide much insight on how the most able at Woldingham are stretched - my daughter is in set 2 of 4 - but some of her friends in set 1 are given further extension activities in some subjects. Their results for the last couple of years are very strong, and they are clearly upping their game academically. More important to me personally is providing a broad and enriching all round education - it is very hard to be bored when there is so much opportunity there for the taking. The organisation of this has been superb, but I would expect this to be standard across all of schools you are considering OP.

I pulled DD out of Woldingham but it was a while back. It was very badly organised and quite frankly they could not cope with a bright child.