Feeling fantastic about OUR choice of school

Good news that your son is a lot happier now op. My dd is a lot happier at secondary too. I'll cut and paste my post from another recent thread.

"I was worried about dd starting at the local comp as she can be a bit eccentric/geeky and is a bit defenceless against mean kids. In primary school she had a small group of friends but the big gang of cool/mean kids were quite disdainful towards her. She seems much happier at secondary though. She's made friends with a really nice bunch of likeminded kids across the year group that she's met in her sets/clubs and she's no longer stuck with a claustrophobic group of thirty kids like at primary, but gets to mix across the year and has had no bother from any mean kids. Her tutor group seem better. She seems really happy and comes home full of beans as she likes the teachers/lessons/different classes/clubs. She was in good spirits about going back to school after Christmas. I'm really pleased for her. Secondary is really suiting her."

I get you, voddie,
My ds did not fit in at primary, I heard some children say 'don't play with him, he's weird...' when he was about 10. (that's how to break a mothers heart, by the way) but since finding 'his people' at secondary, he's thrived and flourished socially. His dyspraxia means that he finds sport difficult, and therefore has no interest in it, which can be socially isolating for many boys.
He now has a close circle of friends who have stuck together through to sixth form and working hard is normal, as well as playing dungeons and dragons hard.

How lovely to have a happy boy again.

Voddie, I feel really happy for you and your son. I too have a high achiever who hates football and he started at a very selective school last year where he fits in much better than he did at primary school.
It's nice to hear of children like your son (disabled parent and paret carer getting into a grammar school - well done to your boy for bucking the trend.
My son got offered a grammar place but it was too far to travel so he is at a selective indie on 100% bursary.

I think it's amazing that your Dc has found a perfect fit for him. My DS has also thrived since leaving primary - I think they really outgrow it. I find it amazing the bitterness on issues like this on this website - why is everyone so jealous of some people getting a good result ! Be happy for them it's better one person is happy than two being unhappy isn't it? There's some serious chips on shoulders on this thread for sure!

I too am puzzled about the accusations of hypocrisy concerning "brilliant comprehensive" schools. Being lucky enough to have a DD attending one why would I not want our other local comps to be just as good - it would not make the one she's at any less brilliant!

By the way. I am not bitter! Far from it. My children have had a briliant education but I would not be so dismissive of the other children you have left behind. Your family has special needs and maybe some of these children do too. You seem to suggest that none of the children your DS was at primary school with were worth very much. Also, all non sporty children are ostracised. I had years of it! You just grow a thick skin and get on with what you are good at.

What I do take issue about is the fact that somehow that your choice flew in the face of all wisdom and expectations when it clearly does not. "OUR choice of school". You are indeed in a fortunate position to have a choice. I could have written the same post, but I did not because so many people are far less fortunate for their DC and it is not a crime to say this. Even some of the children you have so fortunately left behind will be decent children and become decent adults. They may also have parents with difficulties.

I guess I am just a bit averse to heading up a thread with a boast, however well meaning it is. I am sure if I did it about my DDs achievements, I would get flamed!

Similar story to our DS.

We thought he'd prematurely gone all uncommunicative teenager on us at primary school. When asked "What did you do today?" we either got a "nothing", "dunno" or a tale of someone or other fighting/getting into trouble etc...

Year 7 and we don't even have to ask. He's bursting with stuff to tell us about.

That was my experience teacherwith2kids, the huge (comprehensive) secondary has suited my son who is a maths/computer geek with ASD and a physical disability and my daughter who is a strong all-rounder including sport but would rather curl up with a book. It is the number of students that makes it likely they will find others to share interests and the range of resources a big school brings.

This thread should bring hope to anyone whose child didn't have a great time in primary school and for whom secondary seems daunting, they can all flourish.

And tbf there are quite a lot of children who finds secondaries - of all kinds - much more congenial than primaries, partly because of their size and the sheer variety of people they can make friends with but also because e.g. they get to have specialist teachers for the subjects that they may be interested in.

The one your DS is at is a grammar, and happens to 'get;' him and so he is happy there. It could be any type of school and he would be just as happy. What is good is that he is happy.

Voddie,

I know what you mean about how the right school can completely change a child. My DS went from being a very isolated selective mute (through anxiety) to a very happy, well-integrated, [football playing!] high achiever as a result of a school move.

Tbh I think the grammar thing is a red herring - DS moved from State Primary A to State Primary B. The change happened because School B just fitted him better, and was a better school in terms of meeting his specific needs, than School A, and the same has happened for your son. His current school could be grammar, comprehensive, or private - the thing that matters and should be celebrated is that he has 'found his place' and is happy.

"it will attract some negative comments about the 11+, some of whom won't recognise the hypocrisy of the fact they are equally happy because they have brilliant comprehensives"

Eh? Why is that hypocritical? People's beef about grammar schools is because of how they select and their impact on other local schools. And you'll find that if people care about unfairness in relation to grammar schools they also care about inequality of provision in relation to comprehensives too.

I totally get what you mean, op. My DS is 8 and I can't say he has ever really enjoyed school that much we are moving soon and the DCs will be changing schools and I am hoping the new one will suit him much more. Our situation is a little different as we are not in the UK but the yearning to find the 'right' school is the same.

by the way, ds loves football, plays and talks football with the best of them. The boys from his grammar school spend a LOT of time talking about/playing football.

Trouble is, that is only one part of who he is.
He also likes to discuss current affairs and read books beyond his age range.

He couldn't talk about those things with the other boys at primary, because they didn't get it, so he was always being squashed into a box.
that isn't snobbery, that is just how it is.

I fucking hate this football snobbery. It seems to go hand in hand with snidey comments about boys who aren't academic.

We had a great arf at the rather misguided rugby mum who thought it might be a good idea to comment on 'how the council estate kids are always so good at football' during a match a while back. She hasn't been seen since. I'm not even sure she made it off the pitch.

OP - I am so pleased for you.

You sound like me last year. Ds is now year 8 and continues thrive.

He has to travel to next town for his grammar school, and NO-ONE here in our town got it. He struggled to fit in at primary, and now he has lots of friends.
He thrives in the academic environment, and loves the fact it is cool to be clever.

I struggled so hard with the choice to take the 11+, to chose the out of town school/travelling etc. Ds himself didn't really get it.

He walked in at the end of his first day with a huge grin on his face and said his school was brilliant and I cried!

Socially was way more important for me. I did well enough academically to do everything I wanted to, but I left with self belief and tons of friends, which was the total opposite of primary school (school refusal, panic attacks, no actually bullying because I gave myself enough of a hard time). I was honestly a bit of a rubbish student but did fine and genuinely loved school. My school friends are still amongst my best friends (and I'm pretty old!).

How nice that you had a choice of school Op.

I'm pleased your Son has found his place after a tough time. That's everything I can hope for for mine in the future really, where ever that is, that he will be in the right place for him and to be able to be himself.
I know first from my own school days how important that is.

I was your son. I hated primary school so much. Had medical reasons for being terrible at sport, and felt like such a weirdo for doing well academically. My grammar school changed my life in more ways than I can say.

I know it's controversial but I'm so pleased for your son. FWIW the other schools I could have gone to with no 11+ are very far from underperforming, it's just that I would have continued to feel like a total misfit. I would have got better grades but been totally miserable. At my grammar school I was normal and that was great.