DC's and private school: do you explain to them about school fees?

"Still a bit upset today, frankly, about the "immature and a little thick" comment from yesterday (not you). People seem increasingly unable to have the imagination to see different viewpoints, motivations or situations other than their own."

Well,not is a bit tricky if psychic powers are expected! There was nothing in your post to suggest that your child needed to be considered differently.

He obviously isn't "immature and a bit thick" not to have realised by year 8, but I would certainly think my NT children were. And I would be questioning how I had brought them up.

Similarly RGS Guildford is super cheap but super selective! Obviously don't know which schools you looked up but those on my radar are mostly mixed day/boarding if not slightly more day pupils now (my DS school in latter category), not mostly boarding schools. But no matter -the point I was trying to make is that demand is very high still without great influxes of oligarchy classes

"Comparing notes on class size"
Maybe it's just my DC's but I just can't imagine mine in a million years sitting down with their mates comparing notes on class size. Maybe at 6th form but even then I can't see it. Secondly mine at their top boarding prep practiced cricket in track suits but played in whites, as does our local free junior cricket club, thirdly at the same prep they didn't wear knickerbockers and long socks but grey trousers and polo shirts.

Ralph.I also was referring to secondary school pupils.
I am in no way criticising You personally or your child or your way of bringing him up.Incidentally i also have a child with learning difficulties so please don't feel got-at.

home again I've randomly googled some Surrey independent schools not my area so I've only googled names I see on here, only two want 25k+ for day pupils again these are big name boarding schools with a few day pupils. I was frankly surprised at how cheap KGS was!

Actually, Bertrand, I don't believe I was suggesting it was usual, just responding, like most of the earlier posters, with a personal anecdote about when and why their child knew.

Still a bit upset today, frankly, about the "immature and a little thick" comment from yesterday (not you). People seem increasingly unable to have the imagination to see different viewpoints, motivations or situations other than their own.

I'd say the majority of London day schools are probably c£16-£19k before extras - ASL is exceptional, as are the pupils there whose parents pay the fees personally (rather than employer covering them)

"So, I'll deal with my child how I see fit and not be judged for it by anyone."

Of course. But you were suggesting it was usual for a year 8 not to be aware that he is at private school- not that it was appropriate for your particular child not to.

In general I would be horrified if somebody had reached year 8 with such a narrow view of the world that they didn't understand about private/state education, and about the differences between them- including the cost.

My own children were aware from a very early age (not helped, to be frank, by the local prep school's insistence on corduroy knickerbockers and long socks)- for lots of reasons. Different term times. Their friends having music lessons in school, not after school. Different subjects. Comparing notes on things like class size. Having to have cricket whites, rather than playing in track suits. Loads of little things. Of course children talk about school. And sometimes kids in both sectors say pretty horrible things to each other- please don't think that's a one way street!

Oh, and whoever said that the local state school parents wouldn't even be aware of the fact that they were using the private school swimming pool for free- of course they do. Private schools do not do these things out of the goodness of their hearts. I would imagine it's an utter pain in the neck they would rather not do. They do it to justify their charitable status. No point doing it if nobody knows about it!

dusquisitiones what professions pay salaries of that order except to a lucky few at the top of them? Uni professors, headteachers, salaried lawyers and accountants don't get paid as much as £100k. Not on my planet anyway.

Typical salaries for second school headteachers are 100k nowadays.

The median salary for a university professor is around 80k; earning 100k is on the top end but is certainly not unknown for world-leading academics (particularly in London). Academics are often married to each other and 2 x 80k = 160k.

Granolmucher seems to repeat this thread every few weeks and ignore comments from those of us who actually have children in private schools. Most of my DC's friends comes from families in which two parents work. Representative situations: both parents teachers, one in SMT; both parents senior professors (us); one parent an engineer, one works part-time in senior publishing role; one parent a partner in accountancy firm, one works part-time in a museum; one parent a hospital consultant, one works part-time as a GP; one parent a city lawyer, the other doesn't work; both parents run a business.

Schools where I am (Surrey) mostly mixed day/boarding are around 7-8k per term for day pupils so certainly above the 20k mark. More for boarding obvs. These are not top level "'name" schools and certainly don't feature in Tatler. Neither do they have hoards of Chinese pupils. All are oversubscribed and have had to introduce tougher pre testing to cope with applicant numbers and 2 are opening new intakes at 11.

Ah found it American School In London slightly different don't you think? So I've googled London day schools frequently mentioned on MN Westminster is just under 25K, SPS its also very expensive nearly 23k, Dulwich College, NLC, Latimer Upper and The Harrodian are all under 20k Trinty is under 16k. Epsom College a mix of boarding and day, their day fees under 25k, Kings Canterbury charge more than 25k but it's a full boarding school so a day pupil is doing everything but sleeping there.

American School in London

"ASL"?

Duck I'm struggling to find that many boarding schools charging their day pupils 25k+. From my quick reading of websites most well known London day schools seem to be coming in at just under 20k. Quite a few want just under 16k.

Duck I've never disputed that parents paying fees are not wealthy especially those paying boarding fees I'm very aware that boarding fees are often higher than most peoples salaries but I understand that it's the "mega wealthy" that are being discussed. My definition of mega wealthy are multi millionaires and ST rich listers etc.

Yes, plenty around £20k certainly Duck

Working where greenleave, top firms? So you were talking specifically about people's attitudes who are in v v highly paid jobs in London?

ASL is around £25k I believe, even at prep level...it can't be the only one.

yes, I guess they're boarding schools but that also have a high proportion of day students who pay £25k+. Are the london day-only ones £20k+?

London is well known because mostly of financial centre of the world and working in banking and financial sectors for years and in few firms and similar to my husband I could confident say only 10-20% people work here are London born

Duck I'm curious which SE day schools are charging 25k+ before extras? I've just googled a few big name London day schools and none are charging that. I accept that in some cases a day child at a predominately full boarding school may pay that but that's because bar actually sleeping at school they are there as much and doing the same things as a full boarder.

that's rubbish greenleave, people work in london because they grew up there, have family there. Yes that's where lots of jobs - at every salary - are, it doesn't mean people are "money driven"!

I find it odd when people paying fees argue they're not wealthy. To afford fees we are VERY wealthy relative to others and by analysts' definitions.

And nor are private schools "inclusive". Most private schools don't offer loads of bursaries etc since this wouldn't be financially viable: you can see this from their accounts, bursary costs are listed. Obviously some exceptions, eg the very wealthy old schools.

granola "snouts in City troughs" is a bit harsh. The people in senior legal and financial positions (in and out of the City by the way) are just ordinary graduates who have found themselves in an extraordinary industry in terms of income, at around the right time. That together with the ridiculous property market in recent decades have conspired to create a (yes, small) group of very well of people who are not necessarily "of money" in terms of background. Our children will I have no doubt will never be so well off even if they follow the same career path because things are different now.

I think London will be similar to many other big cities in the world (almost everything is money driven-we come to London to work anyway if they dont pay us well then we will leave). While other areas/cities are similar to many smaller european cities where more local born people live and still keep traditions

"If the parental survey says they'd like profiteroles as well as cake they'll get them and up go the fees and Tatlers will say the profiteroles were lovely."
Over the years I've met parents from all walks of live including ST richer listers royalty and Rusiian billionaires, I've sat on cricket pitches chatting and stood in marquees drinking tea, I've listened to happy parents and disgruntled ones, not one has ever complained about the lack of profiteroles because they're already being served or their equivalent. Obviously they do sometimes moan about trivial things but I suspect that's human nature but few if any would remove their child because of it or choose a school because of it. The vast majority of parents when the chips are down are mainly concerned about results, they pay the money and in return they expect the school to teach their children in such a way they achieve results, be it entry into the right senior school or A levels and a place at the right university, everything else comes second.
"It's a problem if there are dissatisfied masses are with their faces pressed to the glass watching you eat cake."
Sitting I'm not saying it's unfair that's a sepreate argument I just have never experienced the pandering to the super rich that granola describes.
"It's particularly bad for those in private education who are not actually protected by mega wealth"
Again only my own personal experience but more valid than many on here who have no actual personal experience! According to someone I met last year who's in the know DS2's school is known to have particularly wealthy parents and I've been to some of their homes I've no problem believing that and we definitely don't fall into that category. Very rarely has it ever been a problem for my DS in fact he'll tell you the very few who find it is a problem are generally disliked by all. We found the same thing at prep in fact the mega mega wealthy were often the most friendly and dare I say it normal it was the next lot down who were pretty ghastly. Maybe boarding is different there's nothing like living side by side with someone 24/7 to realise that it's not money that makes you special. As I said above the values of tolerance, community, and let's not leave of caring for each other are very much alive and kicking in most of the boarding schools I've had lots to do with.