Can I ask how you manage after school care for Y7...

Thanks squeegle.

Can you or your DH work earlier so you can leave earlier to reduce the time your DD is alone, if it is worrying you?
When my DC were younger, I'd work 9-6 and he'd work 7-4, so I'd drop off at school and he'd get back a little after they did in the afternoons.
That meant we could leave them from about age 8 or 9, knowing it was never for long.

Holstein, I pay him £5 an hour. It's easy money for him, and while my son doesn't think he needs looking after (he doesn't really), it is money I'm happy to pay. That way, I can then relax and get onwork and not be worried that hordes of 11 year olds are round at my house etc etc! He does have a bit of a history of experimentation so as I say it's a deterrent really!

DS went to three after school clubs in year seven, the STEM club, homework club and football so all free. We live only 3 to 4 minutes from the school. He would get home for 4.30pm I had arranged to start work at 8 am and also worked compressed hours.

I would not leave a year 5 child alone after school regardless of how mature they were.

Squeegle- when I first started reading that I thought you meant the 6th former came to your house to be 'looked after' !!!
(Was glad to realise that wasn't the case as I read on).

The 'kids not getting on' is a particular problem, they might be fine home alone but add another into to mix and it's a different story.

Squeegle- could you say how much you pay for that please?

I'd also say that there is a difference between 'coping' and being 'happy'. Do what's right for yourselves.

Ds is in year 7. He has ASD.

It would have been a cold day in hell before I would have left him alone in the house when he was in year 5 two years ago.

Now he is absolutely fine.

He doesn't actually go home after school because the journey is a very complicated chsnge buses journey that takes forever as there is no direct route.

So he either stays in school inthe library or student cafe which both open until 5.30pm or he walks into town & kills time in Costa, Macdonalds or the public library.

My DS (yr 7) has been allowed to be at home alone since around his 9th birthday, gradually increasing time and isvery happy and responsible when doing so. However it has always been when I'm in town and able to get back within 5 mins or so. If I'm at work though, I'm a minimum of 20 mins drive away which can be 45 mins in the rush hour, DH is similar and I'm not happy with him being home alone with us so far away, so that's the deciding factor for us. His school has after school clubs till 5.30 every night, so he can use those if I'm not home.

I also worried about this as both my husband and I worked in London - it would have only been two afternoons a week as we were home the other three (I worked at home one day a week and DH did two half days). But as things turned out, I changed jobs so now I work from home most days and my hours are such that even when I go into the office I can be home around the same time as ds.

He is now in year 8. I would not be comfortable with leaving him until 6pm every day, on occasion is ok. Each child is different and even though people say children mature, they do so at different rates. My ds does not hang around with friends after school although he occasionally walks home with a friend who collects a younger cousin from their old junior school. There is homework club only one day a week and the library is only open until 4pm (public library is open until 6pm though and isn't that far away so could be an option if I were really late). He goes to two after-school activities so is home an hour later on those days. He has a key and lets himself in and is generally on his own for no more than 30-60 minutes, although on one occasion I really had to leave him until 6pm. But that was once and unavoidable circumstances (husband had to give presentation at work, and I was at hospital appointment with my mother). I think it's also different in the winter when it's dark by about 4pm.

My problem is more the start of the day because I don't want to leave my son to go out to school at the right time, and more to the point, remember to lock the door!

I am glad that my job situation changed. It may do for you as well. Or maybe you can look into more flexible hours or reduced hours. I earn quite a bit less now but we still manage. If you had said I could manage on my current salary I would have laughed but it's been fine.

All kids mature at different rates. The beginning of Yr 7 is a lot of change and a lot of new stresses. My DD would not be happy letting herself into an empty house. She's happy to go to the shops, happy to be left for an hour while I do the shopping but coming home in the dark and letting herself into a dark house? Nope. Not yet.

Everyone's got to judge the situation for themselves, not all kids are the same. If you can find an older teenager to be in the house for an hour that would work great.

I have a 6th former who comes and does his homework at our house. I have a DD in year 9, she is very sensible. I have a DS in year 7, he is not. They don't really get on too well, so that's not great. The sixth former basically is there as a deterrent. It keeps me happy to know they're both home, not fighting or not burning house down.

I think you need to let her grow up a bit. She will cope better than you imagine, if you let her. Pop to the shops. Let her get used to it.

My DC were fine alone in the house (1 started leaving them home alone in year6), but letting themselves in to an empty house is a step beyond that, as is trusting them with keys. My youngest is scatty, and simply isn't ready for that responsibility.

I think you're right to look in to a range of options, 2andout

But holidays will also be a heck of a lot easier if she can let herself in. Because then you can use things like sports based camps - which may finish well before the end of the working day, but keep her safely occupied for most of it.

Everything AuntieStella said in the first reply.

Plus, you have well over 18months to let her practice taking initially small, and then increasing amounts of responsibility. Just saying that she can't do it / won't be able to, seems rather defeatest. When do you think she will be able to ? How do you expect her to get to that level if you don't help her move towards that level of maturity?

There are some differences between kids levels of maturity naturally - some do just seem to grasp it with both hands, and others are more nervous. But it's also a lot down to expectations and practice. Unless she's got some sort of SEN, your DD, age 9/10 should be OK to be left home alone for short periods. It might be worth thinking through what your worries would be in doing so, and what hers would be, and how to address then so that you can increase her levels of self-sufficiency between now and the start of secondary school.

Yes agree with others, no need for an 11yo to have after-school care, unless of course they are not happy or maybe if you and DP both work very late.

DH and I have always worked full time and have not sued after-school care since DS2 was in yr 5 (2 older siblings). But I do/can get home by 4.30 easily, 4.15 sometimes, 4pm in a real emergency. Sometimes that sees me being first home as DS2 does a lot of sport after school and DD often has band practice/play rehearsal.

I think you need to wait and see OP - it's a way off yet and things will change.

Lol at fish. Blooming autocorrect

My year 7 ds had the choice of staying at school in the library or coming home to an empty house two nights a week. At fish he thought he'd stay at school, but soon decided to come home. It really doesn't take them long to gain that confidence once they go to secondary

Dc1 is in Y7. He comes home on his own and stays on his own until DH comes home, at about 6.00pm.
That looks like the norm around here fur parents who are working.

What I wouldn't be doing is leaving him all day on his own during the hols. Thanks god for grand parents on that one!

Year 7 she may well be fine to be left. After all I presume she'll get herself there and back?

They have to fend for themselves at that age. Try to encourage after school clubs a few days a week to reduce the time alone, if you're worried.