Detention for wrong book - long sorry

Same here pointy.

I would not send my child to a school where they are not allowed a single simple mistake.

Would be detention here. Not having the correct exercise book means they don't have what they need for that lesson and can cause problems if they are carrying on work from a previous day. Warnings are for forgotten equipment such as pens, rulers etc. But forgotten books, PE kit or planners is instan detention

When my DD started comp, it was pointed out to us we should respect the school's decision to issue detentions and support them. I feel that detentions were issued for smaller things in Year 7 that are overlooked in later years. Our school does three cautions over uniform, but issues detentions for one off reasons.

My DD had her first detention during the first term and was upset about it (never had one since). She was genuinely ill on the day of the detention and had to cope with lots of comments from others that she was skiving which didn't help. It ended up being delayed over Christmas and I noticed at that time she wasn't sleeping well. As soon as detention was done, she got back to normal. Her detention is forgotten about now and she holds a position in Year 10 similar to prefect, that is only awarded to a small number.

I think it's upsetting for a child who doesn't normally get into trouble to end up with a detention. I'm sure you've pointed out that she needs to try and learn from her mistake and try not to worry - nothing bad is going to happen to her. My DD enjoyed her detention in the end - she was asked to read which she loves and happened to have reading for English homework!

It's 25 minutes of her life. That's all.

It's good training for mindless bureaucracy later on eg being fined £60 for overstaying in a car park by 5 minutes.

My son's school gives out detentions for missing homework. Doesn't matter if they've forgotten, not done it or have the wrong book. And it can vary between 30 and 60 minutes at the teacher's discretion (how bad a mood they are in). I don't think it's fair but life isn't fair and unless it really causes an issue eg they can't get a bus home and you have to take a half day's leave from work to collect them instead just move on.

However, given your daughter's anxiety issues I don't think it would at all be unreasonable to ask for it to be done sooner rather than later. My son did something while on a school trip which ended in early half term and we had to wait the whole of half term so know what his punishment would be which I thought was unfair. If you are going to set a detention give the parents 24 hours notice and get on with it.

I'd have a big issue with the teacher not following the school's discipline policy. It sounds like she lashed out because she was stressed and picked the wrong 'victim' - the teacher should be tackling the disruptive kids, not giving your DD a harsher sanction because she was in a rotten mood - that is unprofessional behaviour.

I'd let the detention go, but have a word with the form tutor asking if the discipline policy has changed, since your DD manifestly did not get any warnings.

I can't understand why schools are so harsh unless there is a huge discipline issue generally.

At both Ds & Dd schools forgetting a book would not be a problem at all as the teachers understand that life can be hectic & mistakes happen. At ds school he may possibly get a minor misdemeanours mark (3 of those earns a detention) but what has happened in the past is that he did the work on paper & was expected to copy it up.

Both schools pride themselves on their standards of discipline but they seem to do so by gaining the respect of the students who know that the teachers are both fair but understanding.

Fear breeds resentment, it will not improve discipline standards.

It does depend on the school.
We sent dd1 to the school that is more relaxed (you get a chance every half term on such things, so first time forgetting means it's noted; second time lunch time detention; third time after school detention) because we knew that she'd worry about it.
But the school which is better rated by local custom, has a one strike and you're out. Second strike and you're sent home for the day. Great when my friend's ds who was a school refuser they got him with heaps of support and lots of effort into school to be sent home on the second lesson for not having a dictionary.

I don't like the second approach because it picks up those who are normally well behaved but have made a mistake. But also, actually those at the school treat detentions as one of those inconveniences that everyone has. They're so commonplace that getting one is no big deal.
Whereas giving a second chance means they know they have to be careful for the rest of that half term. But it picks up those who are trying it on.

However it does mean that the individual teachers can slightly change it round who the child is. So one like dd1 who rarely forgets anything and is generally good, it works well for as they will often give them the benefit of the doubt. However it does leave space for cries of favouritism, and means that it can seem sometimes not fair-I can imagine a child saying "I got an afterschool detention for not having my book, and 3 other people got nothing."

But she's not just "cheesed off"', which would be a fairly normal reaction; she's not sleeping and visibly distraught. That's a far bigger issue than the fairly pedestrian non event that is a detention, even an unfairly applied one.

At DD's secondary school forgetting a book would result in a caution. You need three cautions to "earn" a detention. So basically the same as your school's system, except in this case the teacher hasn't applied their own system.

If it was my daughter, I'd be tempted to email her form tutor (which is our official first point of contact) and query whether the sanctions system has changed. I wouldn't ask for the detention to be cancelled. But I'd want someone with pastoral responsibility for DD to know that she is (not unreasonably) cheesed off!

Tightening up on the rules would mean applying the school's discipline policy consistently and fairly though.Or a whole school change to the policy that pupils are aware of in advance. This sounds more like the teacher has lost control of classroom management or is overly stressed and has flipped.

I think that I would make her do the detention for now, just so she can see that it isn't a big deal or anything to be worried about. Obviously it would be better if the teacher reflected and rescinded the detention but I suspect it will be her that deals with the longer term consequences of that and not your dd.

If you 'miss' a detention where I teach it carries over....
The 'teachers up their own arses' comment is uncalled for. The member of staff may have time to reflect but also might have been told to tighten up on the rules. I wouldn't set a detention for a book missing but I don't allow them to go home....

I agree with the others who say that your DD's reaction is the issue, not the detention. And I speak as the mother of an anxious, over-conscientious DD

Ah, poor thing.
By the sounds of things, the teacher, and probably the school are trying to crack down on things. There are therefore probably a number of kids on detention every night. Why don't you email the teacher directly, mention that your child is anxious about the detention and ask if they can do it tomorrow night instead? It'll make no difference to the teacher....except that they'll subtly get the message that your child is particularly conscientious and has lovely, supportive parents. Sometimes the nice, quiet kids can get overlooked in difficult classes, and it can be really positive to get to know that they matter too. I can't imagine that your child's teacher wants them to sweat...and probably regrets giving the detention to them anyway.

It may be worth sending an email to her form tutor saying you support the detention but your DD is very worried and upset about it. A quiet word from the form tutor and some assurance that things will be fine may help her stop dwelling on it. When I was a tutor it would be the sort of thing I would want to know to help support.

In my school no equipment or book = detention. How can they peer assess each other's work if the book isn't there etc.

When my son started secondary school I bought a zip up bag for each subject. www.amazon.co.uk/Tiger-tuff-foolscap-size-single/dp/B004ZFD08K/ref=sr_1_1?s=kitchen&ie=UTF8&qid=1449002039&sr=1-1&keywords=Tiger+tuff+bag+foolscap+A4%2B+size+single+bag+-+assorted+colours

No mixing up of exercise books. It makes packing his bag for school easier, as he just grabs the subject folder. It also means handouts and worksheets don't end up at the bottom of his bag.

Yeh probably is but schools and teachers really need to apply guidelines and rules properly if they make them

If it should be a warning then that detention isn't fair and some teachers are so far up there own backside that they won't listen to reason and admit they are wrong after they have made a decision which is over the top by there own guidelines

Nobody will call her a "mummies girl" forever... other kids will not know that you have phoned school about a detention.

Just let her do the detention OP, hopefully it'll ease her anxiety about having them for future, no need to worry herself sick.

Zombies, that is the most counterproductive solution I've ever read!

I don't think getting her let off the detention is a good idea-the thing that needs sorting is that she thinks the teacher will be picking on her on the future. That could be sorted by a grown up chat with the teacher.

If I had a pound for every time I told kids in detention they were there because I cared about them not because I didn't like them then I wouldn't have to go to work this week!

My DS got a detention once for running in the corridor. he told me he hadn't run in the corridor. Then he said well, sometimes he did, without being caught,and he probably got the right amount of detentions overall!

Sometimes you have to suck things up, even if they're unfair. It really isn't a big deal - you and your ds need to do some serious work on putting things in perspective. She will encounter far far far more in the way of stress over the next few years and beyond.

DS did one detention.