Any ideas for smart answers to nasty comments? Yr 7 Girls...sigh.

"If you spot it you've got it"

So true. My kids freak out if I use a word as rude as crap or piss. they honestly think my virgin lips have never uttered such things!!

"My DD isn't the sort to tell someone to F off. That just doesn't come naturally and if it did, I suspect we wouldn't have the issues we do!"

If she does manage to come out with a bit of bad language sparingly, the very fact that she is "not the type" will make it extremely effective against anyone who knows her.

My teenager used to get very annoyed that friends and relatives ignored her when she was getting angry. I advised her to drop in a quiet swear word when pushed to the brink. It works a treat, especially on her dad. She gets to let off steam, and he gets to see that he has gone too far.

IMO the main use of swear words is to get people's attention. If you're in the habit of talking that way all the time, nobody notices. If a swear word rarely passes your lips, people will sit up and take notice when it does.

Swamster that 'what I love most about you' line is brilliant. That's what I was aiming at but didn't get. It's perfect.

I know swamster and whereas. She's fine though. Once she got over the 'wow, and I thought she was my friend', moved swiftly to 'I'll show her, I'll get better'.

Didn't have the heart to tell her short of taking steroids, she's got no chance...but got to love her + attitude

Hope your DD cracked it today, wheresthebeach.

at the swimming, ealingwestmum.

I've always liked the response: "When I want your opinion I'll ask for it."

Or "What I love most about you is your kindness and supportiveness."

Dd. "Are you ok friend??" (Asked with genuinefake interest)
Friend. "Yeah, why??"
Did. "You've become a real bitch lately, and sudden changes in personality can mean trouble at home."

Then, any time friend gets nasty, did ramps up the caring questions about parents home life, does she want to talk to a teacher etc.

She sounds lovely whereas. They shouldn't have to change for other girls' insecurities. And I agree, most of these types normally grow up to have the same as issues as adults.

Mine was at a swim gala this weekend, recently joined a new swim club. Is behind the game, but trying hard to catch up. One girl in an event, who is also at her new school and year, turned to her and said "no offence, but it's an insult to my swimming to be heated alongside you". She's 5'7", amazonian build (at just turned 12) but this is besides the point

Can't tell you the dialogue in our car on way home, especially my husband's advice. But, 2 days gone at school, my DD has this girl running after her in the corridors saying 'what's wrong, what's wrong, why won't you talk to me?' when mine is ignoring her with head in the air with the odd 'nothing'. Less is more obviously works for her (on this occasion).

Good luck to your DD and her slapping down of her so called friend...whatever form that takes!

It was a bit of humour to diffuse what is actually a serious issue for Y7s and beyond. I hope most can see that?

Fair point, and if the OP's daughter finds that swearing is the only way to stop bullying then I certainly wouldn't discourage her!
I was just surprised that so many people seemed to jump into the "F* off" option right from the off.

How about: 'Can you hear yourself?'
Or 'What an ugly thing to say.' Use ugly. It's a powerful word against a yr7 bitchy girl.
Or 'You think your opinion matter to me because...?'

Or kill them with kindness. Smile sweetly and say: 'What a lovely thing to say.'
Or look a bit shocked and say, 'Oh, I used to think you were worth knowing.'
Or smile sweetly, look her in the eye and say: 'I'll remember you think that.'

Never look like their opinion matters at all. And build up her self esteem until it truly doesn't.

Inevitably, it is the Y7 girls who have the least going for them in the charm and looks department, and who are insecure about their academic (sporting/musical/artistic) performance, who are the bitchiest. That's the only way they can compete.

So, first of all, remind your DD of all her talents and skills and the reason why she hasn't developed nastiness (she hasn't needed to). She needs to look at bitchiness as a developed skill, one she needs to recognize and manage but not adopt herself. Gaining some perspective is super important at this age.

Saying that ... you want to hear parent encouraging kids to bully. Which is worse. They have to be able to stand up for themselves.
Some girls are witches. But DD being called fat ugly stupid is worse IMO

Junior kids were swearing round here. And not just singular words but full phases.
Theres no consequences as far as i can tell. You do hear it alot.

I guess it's a bit of a side issue but are people really encouraging their 11 and 12 year old daughters to swear in situations like this?
Despite my best efforts I still can't really accept the fact that I can no longer walk down the street or sit on a bus without having my ears assaulted by a constant stream of F-words. It may be a waste of time but I will at least not encourage my DD to join the crowd.

"It's Only really insecure girls who need to try and bring each other down - real women build each other up. Let me know when you are ready to grow up."

Then insert earphones and ignore.