Teacher's commet

Dorothy You could suggest to your DD that she takes it in stages.

1. Jot down thoughts that she would like to contribute in a "journal" temporarily.

1. Write things that she would like to contribute in brief paragraphs and give to the teacher after class for feedback (after speaking to the teacher about this, of course, and asking him to be supportive).

Then once she has some positive feedback, she may feel more confident to try expressing those thoughts in class.

Alternatively, if she is more comfortable discussing things in smaller groups, ask the teacher if it is possible to try breaking the class down into smaller groups to discuss things occasionally, so that she can participate more fully and build up some confidence in class.

Why not leave it then if that's what your daughter wants and in the parents evening say that she finds it desperately hard to contribute and that she has tried extra hard in recent weeks / has he noticed?

What instruments does she play? Is she ok at performing those in public? Can she use that experience to help her with speaking to an audience?

If you reach a point where you do send an email, I wouldn't use the words "wake up call" at all. They imply that his comment spurred her on to improve, which may set the tone for future comments to her from him. You've given a real mixed message that she was upset but that it helped her. I think if you discuss it with the teacher, you should be clear that the comment was not necessary and that openly making comments that put her down in class are not acceptable. Then discuss ways that he can encourage her in a more positive manner.

I would also respect her wish not to contact him.

She sounds like she would be more mortified by that, than by what he said.

What I would do, at the parents evening, very matter of factly, say "OK, we know you aren't happy with the level of dd's participation in your lessons, what can I do, as a parent, to encourage her to speak out more."

Then you ask him if he wouldn't mind nominating her to speak, as others upthread have said.

Does she do a speaking test? She'll need to pipe up for that

He was pointing out (OK, publicly, but again, she's year 10, she's not 3) that she doesn't make enough contribution in class. English is a subject (and no, I'm not an English teacher) where critical thinking, analysis and comparing opinions vocally is vital. If she just sits there, then I can see his frustration.

You say yourself she wants to prove him wrong. Let her.

Kids need to cope with being upset. Cloleague of mine had parental complaint as shed dared to suggest to a previous flower she could do the washing up like everyone else was. You should see the twatty complaints we get. Children are swearing on the bus. Kid had to wait in rs prion for TEN MINUTES etc.

Agree with later.

Honestly?

I think he'll roll his eyes, especially given her age.

OK, she's shy. He upset her. You say it's given her a wake up call....really? If it has, then that's what everyone has been trying to achieve for her for years. If not, then to say so would make you look daft.

What is she like in other subjects? With non-sarcastic teachers?

As kindly and supportively as possible, you need to start letting her fight her own battles. And tbh, the comment, whilst harsh, sounds as if she doesn't pull her weight during the English lesson. English at that age is a subject where maybe a music lesson should take second place anyway, so if I had a kid who went to music classes instead of being in mine, I'd feel irritated too. (I appreciate the music lesson is organized by the school, not by you, but if this happens regularly, that she misses a lesson that she doesn't particularly shine at for music, I'd look to asking the school to schedule her music lesson at another time)

I think you're enabling her. Make her do something. What happens in the sixth form? Will she still call on mummy?

I was your DD at school. The sarcastic teachers were the very ones whose subjects I would be worse in. Why? Because who wants to encourage such a response? Isn't it actually sensible to not put your hand up and ask a question if all you are going to get is a barbed answer? If the teacher isn't polite then why get involved, by choice?

Lots of posts whilst I was slowly putting mine together. Very glad to see that you will be raising it at parents' evening.

You are going out of your way to spare the teachers feelings in that email, and fabricating quite a bit with the 'wake up call' comment. I wouldn't send that especially as the teacher wasn't especially concerned about your daughter's feelings with the comment he made and it does put your daughter in the wrong when actually his comment was, at best, thoughtless and certainly counter productive.

I would bring it up at parents' evening with your daughter there. Something along the lines of "as you know, dd finds it a challenge to contribute in class. You probably didnt realise but she was mortified about the comment you made when she put her hand up to go to music but it did lead to a discussion at home on how she might contribute more. What can she do to improve on this?"

You need to demonstrate to her that's it's ok to have an open discussion about this and to challenge him a bit. She isn't doing anything wrong by being the quiet one. We can't all be at the front of the queue and if he was a good teacher he would know how to get the best out of her and make the most of the good ideas that she undoubtedly has.

He sounds a bit of a knob to be honest. Is that word allowed here? I usually hang out on AIBU where prettyuch anything goes

I politely challenged an unutterably smug history teacher at my dds pre GCSE choices parents evening when he was being critical of her for not contributing and saying she was clearly never going to succeed at history and shouldn't take GCSE. He was really the most uninspiring man you could imagine.

She went on to a achieve an A after being taught by one of his colleagues

Good, Dorothy you go girl!

Dorothy the email is fine except the wake up call bit, it's not a wake up call, it's a rude sarcastic comment from a person in a position of trust who should know better.

If you dd does not want you to email, I would not email. But I would say that if there are discussions between you and this teacher that you may wish to bring this up.

I find the idea that your daughter 'has to' contribute and must speak up etc all very troubling, has the teacher no other way of knowing if his imput is going in without her being willing to say something in class. Does he not understand how shyness works?

Clearly this teacher is not making the classroom environment feel like the kind of place your dd feels able to speak up in. Her being in year 10 is not much to do with it, I know plenty of gobby kids in year one and shy adults.

The most important thing is for your dd to begin to feel confident in herself, so in your shoes I would do whatever you feel is necessary to help her to do that, and I would gleefully hope this teacher will bring it up at the parent teacher consultation because I would be ready to fight your dd's corner!!

I don't think you should say anything. Make d say something. She's year ten. Come on

How would she feel if she were picked to answer a question without having to put her hand up? Instead of forcing your dd to push herself forward when that's not her personality, could the teacher be inviting her opinions instead?

Like "how does Lady Macbeth blah blah....? DorothyDD what do you think?"

Would that be better or worse?

I wouldn't say the bit about the wake up call. The teacher needs to accept that some kids are just quiet. As long as she's learning and contributing through effort e.g. in her written work then that's fine and she doesn't need to 'wake up' .