Teacher's commet

I don't know what interesting profession that would be, Dorothy. If your DD is clever she really needs to overcome her inhibitions sooner rather than later, or else many doors will close.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark not meaning to be mean but I honestly can't quite fathom what you mean doesn't pull her weight during the English lesson.... what is that supposed to mean! All children are different, they all have different abilities. Maybe she won't do well in English, maybe she could do better, but she isn't pulling her weight on behalf of anyone else in the class surely.

And English at that age is a subject where maybe a music lesson should take second place anyway I would imagine the child has been given permission to go for music lesson during English lesson, so someone else had made the call on this. What makes English so much more important than music? I am guessing it is English literature, an art, what makes that overtake music (an art). And even if it were language, a talent like music could be very useful in the world outside school and the kids do lots and lots (all or almost all) of their classes in the English language.

Dorothy re Why can't some teachers just accept that some students are quiet? She answers when asked, she produces good class and homework, whymake her feel bad? I do wonder if it is because the system sets out a certain pattern for successes and expects children to attain in a certain way. This is all very sad and unproductive for kids.

Just for the record I was very shy and dyslexic at school and I struggled immensely at school. I now do loads and loads of things I never imagined possible but the desire to change came from me and had I wanted to remain quieter, that would have been fine too. One thing that never ever helped me was teachers embarrassing me, and 35 years later I can still remember the teacher who embarrassed me in geography by holding up my crappy exercise book where I had got very far behind!

In life, no-one waits for anyone to speak up. Best to learn to do so while you are at school.

DorothyL re But it's not like she could happily join in the discussion but refuses to do so out of naughtiness/disinterest - she is genuinely listening and taking it in but her throat tightens at even the thought of putting her hand up, and by the time she's plucked up the courage things have moved on. It sounds like she has things she wants to say but takes time to think them through. I think GingerIvy has excellent advice.

And Boxdweller excellent advice.

It's important for kids to know there are many ways to join in and contribute, if the teacher is only providing the 'speak up in class' bullshit, the teacher (or system) is failing.

Yes you need to work on yourDD's confidence to speak up but also highlight with the teacher that sarcasm isn't productive or appropriate

I think that you should work on ways to increase your DD's confidence speaking up in front of the class rather than blame the teacher. In the long run, the real, deep issue is how your DD can find that confidence.

My yr10 DD is like this (has been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder). She can talk to some teachers, but others, the ones that make comments like this teacher, she can't talk to. Not all yr10s are the same emotionally and confidence wise. If one of her teachers had talked to her like this I would be speaking to them. Yes, children need to learn to fight their own battles, but that's hard when the battle 'attacks' come from a teacher in a position with more power.

I think education is a three-way thing between the teacher,parents & pupils - it's always being rammed down our throats how much we as parents must support our child's education. If it's a three-way thing why must the onus only be on the pupil and parents to speak up? As a parent, I'm not even in the classroom. It's up to the teacher to make the classroom a space where all pupils feel comfortable to be able to voice their opinions. Being sarcastic is not going to do that.

We always get 'DD is very quiet in the classroom and needs to participate more in discussion' from certain teacher's at parents' evenings and I always reply 'If DD is not speaking she's obviously not comfortable voicing her thoughts in your class, can you think of any strategies to get her more integrated into the classroom? Mr Bloggs says she always contributes, perhaps you could speak to him for some tips.' .

Some teachers are bullies. Some people justify this endlessly and get into a real huff when others don't agree that teachers being rude, sarcastic, mocking etc is fine and dandy. If he thinks that sort of snide unpleasantness is going to encourage a very shy teen to contribute to class discussions he must be rather stupid.

Putting aside the fact that your DD was upset, why doesn't this teacher ensure that all pupils take part in class discussions?

A decent teacher should ensure that the more vocal pupils STFU and that quieter pupils are simply put on the spot. 'X what do you think?'

I wouldn't send it because your dds has asked you not to.

Does she do drama at all, it is fantastic for supporting and encouraging nervous speakers. A girl at our drama group is an elective mute but will now sing and speak in stage in front of lots of people obviously been a gradual transition over time but it could help her confidence.

It was an off hand comment made to a year 10 child who doesn't contribute enough in class. I understand that you're upset at how it made her feel, but you won't be doing her any favours by wading in and fighting her battles.

My DS is in year 3 and feels that his teacher sometimes treats him unfairly. I can see that she's actually trying to get him to achieve more, because she knows he's capable of it, but she doesn't have the softly softly approach that he's been used to with previous teachers. I've explained this to him, told him that sometimes he's going to have teachers whose ways he doesn't like so much, and said that he needs to give his best effort.

Dear Mr X

My daughter was upset today because of an apparent comment you made to her when she asked permission to leave for her music lesson. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss this with you further as it has left her feeling rather singled out during a lesson in which she already feels a certain amount of anxiety.

I would prefer that my daughter not be told of this mail and look forward to hearing from you about the way forward.

+++++++++++++++

But I still would urge you not to do it.

Kind regards would do, no need to thank him! I personally prefer that one Dorothy and we're not on a word count so I guess your style is just a bit fuller than mine! Press send! I'd be interested in his reaction and I hope he apologizes - these sarcastic teachers are all very well and funny to others but sometimes they like themselves just a little too much. Your DD doesn't sound fair game.

I'd make it a three or four liner: she's naturally shy, he shot her down, she's upset, please can he encourage not discourage.

Brenda that's a bit wordy sounding for a monosyllabic kid. Next time he should just call the Fifth .

Surely there's a danger that your DD will say 'It's ok mum leave it' at the parents' meeting? That would leave you in a lose/ lose situation.

I'd e-mail prior to the meeting with the written caveat that your DD doesn't know you've e-mailed and wouldn't want you to but even so. I'd also make the e-mail shorter and more direct but well short being rude.

I'm surprised at the teacher. They're supposed to be able to judge the pupils as well as drawing out contributions from the passive learners. I'm especially surprised at an English teacher actually - where's all that empathy gone?

Exercising their right to silence?

i had a first the other week when I asked a monosyllabic kid something and they said " i prefer not to answer'

He could also ease her into class contributions by asking her either/or questions to bring her into the discussion, rather than open ended questions or expecting her to speak up of her own accord - for example "there's two schools of thought on this... 1. xxxx and 2. yyyyy. Dorothy's dd, which do you think applies here? xxxxx or yyyyy?" Then she's just making a choice and he can then encourage her to give a few reasons why she made that choice (if she is comfortable with that) and give her positive feedback on that contribution.