Teacher's commet

The comment was incredibly unhelpful! It is possible, though, that the teacher isn't aware that she is always shy and thinks she isn't trying in English. I have taught English in various settings and you will find people who struggle to be able to contribute verbally, especially when other students are very vocal.
I'd bring it up at parents evening rather than sending an email. One thing you can try at home is talking to dd about anticipating questions. For example, some questions are recaps of the previous lesson, which are much easier to answer than on-the-spot questions. She could practise a possible answer and if she puts her hand up, it is an effort to contribute, even if she isn't picked. Another way in is to volunteer to read something out. Once she's heard her voice in the room, she will get more confident. It took one of my undergraduate students a year, but they got there in the end!

First, I am sure that one can live a good life avoiding all forms of public speaking.

But why would you? It is not a skill on par with brain surgery . And indeed not having that skill can hold you back in any field.

One of my roles is an author ( one if the jobs mentioned above) and believe me I am regularly called upon to speak in front of large groups.

So how to help children who are not naturally vocal in groups.
I would say a two pronged attack is best. A parental / school partnership.

Parents who do not seek to protect their DC from the discomfort of speaking in public and in fact insist they do ( gently at first). Schools who include all DC in class discussions ( no option given to stay quiet) and regularly have DC speaking aloud in groups ( presentations, poetry recitals, productions, guiding prospective parents etc etc).

It's absolutely appropriate to criticise a teacher where criticism is due Bobo. This child isn't 'at fault'. She's just not shouty and loud and some of the shouty and loud kids can go on to be far less 'successful' that the more reticent ones. Shouty and loud doesn't guarantee success; it's how you're thinking that matters, not how loudly you think it. A teacher has a duty to encourage all pupils to contribute and learn, not to ignore and leave behind the passive ones. It's a real indictment of the teacher.

That said, a bit more confidence sounds as though it would be no bad thing but that may well come in time - particularly if the teacher steps up to the plate and does his job properly, rather than being funny at a shy youngster's expense.

I agree with LuluJakey. Finding one's own voice is a KSF in the modern world, in so many dimensions (not just work). The issue here is to address the developmental needs of Dorothy's DD, not blame the teacher.

Lulu for an English teacher - or any teacher - to accept that 'children are ignored and left behind' is pretty bad. No decent teacher should think that acceptable and no decent teacher should allow it to happen.

LuluJakey1 I do think you are making a lot of assumptions about things to do with a child not wanting to talk a lot. A follower not a leader, limited in relationships. Those are big assumptions to make. There seems to be an assumption about what constitutes success. It may be because we (as a society very influenced by the USA) have very closely defined views about what success looks like that people are too easily pigeon-holed as failing or succeeding. A lot of it is cultural too.

I can see how she would cope with SALT work. I thought you meant she was generally quiet and preferred not to speak and join in but be given things to do which she just got on with. Sorry.

I think the teacher is awful. I didn't think they were allowed to be this negative in this day and age

I do understand that teacherwith2kids . I am an English teacher by trade. However, this is someone who orefers not to speak in class situations and whose throat tightens up at the thought of doing so. 'Not an ideas person' in her own words. It will hold her back in life, it is just a fact. It is probably how she has become 'Not an ideas person'.

Nothing wrong with being given a task and executing it diligently and well but that is a follower, not a leader. Nothing wrong with it at all but it is likely to limit her in life and possibly in relationships. Communication is, imho, the most key of skills. Creativity and flexibility will be demanded for future careers - people will create and develop roles as they arrive the world changes so fast. Jobs become obsolete and people create new roles as the world moves on. But even outside of new technologies, look at more traditional roles: Dr, teacher, nurse, carer, receptionist- communication is key.

As it is your d is just depending on others to have ideas. And express them

But there are other ways of asking for a contribution - share an idea with a partner before telling the rest of the class, whole class write a quick note on a whiteboard, then holding it up, teacher selects some children to expand, giving the child notice that they will be asked to contribute soon, using the child's written work (read out) as a contribution rather than asking for a verbal one, using prepared speeches rather than allowing 'free for all', choosing speakers at random rather than accepting 'hands up', providing questions in advance so that everyone has time to think through an answer etc etc etc.

(I have taught a couple of selective mutes, as well as HEing DS who was at that point a selective mute - enabling a selective mute to make progress academically and to contribute to the class is entirely possible, so it should be possible to manage for the merely shy!)

The teacher should not have been sacastic.

However, he/she can't win in the classroom. If they allow her to not contribute it really isn't good for her. Part of how we develop ideas is in discussing them, re-shaping them , turning them into words. However, if they ask her she will feel uncomfortable, there is likely to be a long pause which will make her feel worse, other children become impatient and the lesson will lose pace and impetus. That is how children become ignored and left behind.

DD is a dancer, and performs regularly on stage in solos and in groups. She's no shrinking violet. But specific circumstances - and a consciousness that she knows the answers more often than others do, and this is not necessarily a nice thing to make public - have meant that she doesn't show this in class. So 'not contributing in class' does not necessarily indicate a big problem for her future life - just a specific glitch in her current behaviour.

DD gets the 'should contribute more verbally' a lot [was in a not-great tutor group last year, where it wasn't that pleasant to be a girl who knew the answers]. She is performing exceptionally highly in all subjects, but she finds it more comfortable / socially acceptable / less exposing to show this in written work.

In the parents' evening this year, I simply asked every teacher who mentioned it how they were helping DD to do this. The good ones had a plan ready, or could give examples of what they were already doing to overcome a difficulty that the school itself, by making that tutor group, created. The less good ones had no clue - they simply wanted DD to suddenly become (show-offly, as she would see it) voluble spontaneously.

BoboChic there are a whole tun of professions where one does not need to speak out in front of 30 people!

Musician, researcher, journalist, investigator, author, dancer, jewellery maker, doctor, nurse, artist, landscape gardener.... I could go on.

Dorothy if you dd wants to change how she interacts with the world there are ways, some people have already mentioned some. Loads of things can build confidence and self esteem and help with shyness.... one things surely doesn't and that is being belittled, especially by someone in a position of authority.

Some pretty harsh comments here about a shy 13/14 year old. I think the teacher was pretty nasty, actually. I teach at a university and we still have students who find it really hard to contribute to class discussion - that doesn't mean at all that they 'don't pull their weight' - how ridiculous. They often contribute to a lovely, positive atmosphere by showing engaged interest when other students speak (as opposed to some of the more cocky, vocal ones who might exchange sarky glances or enjoy looking unimpressed). If they have made a clever comment or observation in a written assignment I'll say so, and attribute it to them. There are loads of ways in which a quiet person can contribute, and can be enabled to contribute, without being penalised for their personality. And often our quieter students have gained more confidence by the end of their degree - I don't imagine this would happen easily if they were being mocked or belittled though.

I hated speaking up in class and am a shy introvert. I'm a teacher. The classroom is a particularly artificial situation and how you behave in one isn't going to define you for life.

I think the teacher was out of order and you're well within your rights to mention it to her. She may not know how hard it is for a child to speak in class, how it might take years for them to feel confident to contribute, or to express themselves. For some people, it's just not in their ability to do this freely. She needs to understand it's not unwillingness on your daughter's part.

DS is the same, year 7, and I had similar comments from his form teacher recently. I replied with something like: he is fine, well behaved, diligent and making good grades, so he doesn't need to change. He has always been this way, it's simply his personality. I added that it would be great if school could encourage him, as a shy child, to feel comfortable enough to actively participate in class, and we will also encourage him.