Why are Public schools so confusing?!!

IME some male teachers at prep are convinced that boarding will bring boys out of their shells.

Which they see as A Good Thing.

Personally I find it illogical at best, sexist at best ( in that boys should not be allowed to be quiet with the underlying belief also thT they need to be removed from their mothers' influence).

However, my observation is that boarding did not change anyone's inherent personality. It just made some ill suited boys unhappy.

From what you say make sure you look at day schools too - not just St Pauls. It sounds as though you aren't necessarily sold on the boarding aspect.

I think I am in some part at least agreeing with Gruach albeit x post.

You have not so far mentioned how your DS himself feels about it all. To be honest I wonder if, with older step siblings apparently thriving at their schools, he'll find it extremely hard to voice any misgivings he might have. (If he does.) Obviously he may not be familiar with all the schools mentioned - but he'll know which of his classmates is destined for which school and they'll all have formed a picture of who fits where. So he will know if he's being encouraged into the "wrong" list.

That's a cumbersome way of saying that he probably won't be a completely different person in five years - just perhaps a more concrete version of the 8 year old.

Take him to look at the schools - see which one makes his eyes light up. Competition for places at such well known schools is becoming more and more fierce, he will have to want to get there for himself - so trust him to guide you to the right choice!

Monroe, the schools are a lot less confusing if you visit them with your son rather than listening to other people's opinions based on what they did.

So your prep school have advised against Eton and Harrow based on experience. SPS and Winchester are great schools also but you say the prep school has little experience of sending boys to these schools, at which point I would be asking how are they so confident they could get him a place. Go and visit them with your son.

Winchester are on record (also , on website ) as saying they encourage "an unaffected modesty of manner." This is not the same as being quiet as a mouse.

My advice would be to get into proportion other people's opinions based on where they went. Try to understand where your HM's expertise lies. And then research and visit for yourself. If you prefer day school, look at a number of them not just SPS - great as it is.

You will get some great advice from all over once you try to see the wood for the trees.

Good Luck .

Why would you ever choose boarding if you have a chance of a really good day option? Especially if your son appears temperamentally less suited to boarding.

Monroe any reason why not Westminster if he is academically up to SPS but more of an introvert at this stage? It sounds as though his prep school are advising against the schools which prefer the multi-talented enthusiastic joiners-in. If that is not your DS then listen to them and your own instincts. You could keep the boarding option open by registering with Winchester but unless he changes by year 6 I think he is unlikely to relish the idea of boarding.

I'm surprised that SPS was suggested I live with an Old Pauline and know quite a few, they are all remarkably similar personalities. I can think of lots of words to describe them but "quiet like a mouse" and not speaking up is definitely not words I would ever think of in a million years! I also understand its exceedingly difficult to get a place, we turned down the place that DS2 was offered he's pretty confident and articulate but reserved through choice and not someone who chooses to push himself forward and we felt it was not what we wanted or suitable and we knew the school well and was impressed with it.
DS2 is at Winchester they restrict the number of applicants to about 2.5 per place, DS is very happy there and the environment has really suited him. All the Wykamists I've met are definitely not brash, many seem reserved when you first meet them but they are very articulate and are certainly not afraid to speak up if necessary. It is a caring school, generally the boys look after each other and physical aggression amongst themselves is very frowned upon by the boys although there is a significant amount of banter. But although I accept your DS is still very young I personally do not see a "quiet as a mouse" afraid to even ask for the loo child, prefers individual activities to massive groups activities surviving let alone thriving in a full boarding environment. Boarding is about communal living, even if your DS doesn't do team sports there are plenty of group activities, house completions etc and there is little or no privacy. DS2 (whos boarded for over 11 years) said to board you have to be emotionally pretty strong and resilient, and you do have to be a self starter, obviously in the beginning you get support from those around you with day to day living but your quickly expected to shift for yourself or if you can't actively seek help.

Well ... the advice doesn't sound confusing but you don't seem entirely clear about how much you trust your HM. You say the school knows your DS inside out - but at the same time you're considering sidestepping their opinion.

Remember the trust has to go both ways. How are you going to get your DS into Harrow with a less than enthusiastic Head's Report? And how is the prep going to feel over the next few years if they believe you're setting your child up to fail (and make them look bad at the same time)?

From observation and experience I'd say E and H would both be miserable places for a quiet child who dislikes group activity. It's a lot of years to spend feeling that you're constantly underperforming in areas that the rest of the group value. (This is not to say that he wouldn't be given every opportunity to excel at the things he's good at, but the prevailing ethos would be a poor fit.)

But you do still have a little time for him to grow into himself. Once you've visited the recommended schools you'll be better able to assess whether you may need your HM to suggest some other options.