Why are Public schools so confusing?!!

Good luck in finding the right school. It was such a long process for us, agonising almost :(

May I dare suggest City of London? Amazing school that really embraces diversity, I don't think there is a typical City boy, apart that they all seem sensitive and open minded, might suit your DS better?

If every parent took Clobbered's approach, it would be impossible for prep schools to recruit any staff, let alone heads. Teachers deserve so much more respect.

It would be hard to think of worse advice than that given by Clobbered

You are paying a prep school to educate your child and to give you good advice about the next stage. It sounds as if the prep have done this, which is why OP is reexamining her origional assumption that he would follow his brother to Harrow.

You are paying them to help your son get into the senior school of YOUR choice ...

No. This is not what prep schools are for.

I don't understand why you are allowing the Prep School to have such a big influence on YOUR choice as a parent. You are paying them to help your son get into the senior school of YOUR choice. For goodness sake, forget what they have said for now, go and look at schools that seem suitable, make a decision based on YOUR information and preferences, and then instruct the school to do the best they can to help your DS get a place. You are the customer here!! And if you don't like their (prep school) attitude, then get him out of there and send him somewhere that will do what YOU want, not coerce you into doing what they think is right.

Regular but namechanged so I can be a bit more open

DS1 yr8 is in a London prep and has a 13+ offer for Merchant Taylors. Some of his classmates have offers from St Pauls. Often a couple of boys go to Harrow or more occasionally Eton.

I wouldn't say the boys going for SPS are pushy (one is DS1's best friend) but they are very academic and intellectually confident. They have no hesitation about pitching into a conversation and holding their own. They aren't show offs or boasters but they are sparky.

DS1 is a bit less confident but is a joiner in. I have to order him not to take on more activities otherwise he would completely overcommit himself. We prefered MT because it just seemed to suit him more. Lots of different activities and a friendly feel. I felt DS1 would find his niche there and wouldn't be playing catch up with the very academic boys at SPS (DS1 has a mild SpLD). DS1 is also keen on sport and there is more opportunity at MT than somewhere like Westminster partly because the facilities are better.

I know someone whose son did well at Harrow even though he wasn't the most outgoing. However, he was quite sporty. My view would be to consider registering your DS for Harrow but explain to the Head you will only pursue it if you feel your DS is maturing into the sort of boy that would enjoy the school. At least that way you can keep your options open.

It's difficult, doing the 'dating dance' but you have plenty of time ahead of you to work out which are likely to be the better fits for your DS. What he is like at 8 may not be what he is like at 11, where you're still rather guessing what the teen years will be like but better informed and more likely to be right at each stage.

So I think you need to look at a lot of schools now. Visit lots of possibles, possibly more than once. Stick in a registration for Harrow if your DS is being talked into it by DSS; you don't have to follow it up, but it does sound as if it'll ease the family politics if you do.

Given what you say about your DS now, and the HT's confidence that applications to the most academic schools are not a waste, then I'd definitely put KCS Wimbledon on your list. And look at Dulwich too - it's much more rounded than people sometimes think, and their top sets are highly academic these days.

Do you definitely want single sex?

Just go and see them before forming any firm views. Its like choosing a house. Quite a lot is about what feels right.

Also be guided by your son. DS loved Westminster. His eyes completely lit up. I think he saw it as a more academic Hogwarts. SPS had nothing like the same appeal, whilst other boys loved the space and green of SPS and disliked Westminster's very urban setting. That feeling of being somewhere magical never left him, and it is fair to say he enjoyed every minute.

"This famed Barnes institution offers 45 acres of opportunities for boys who are intelligent enough, organised enough and motivated enough to grab it with both hands"
I would have thought that a child who is currently too shy to put his hand up to ask to go to the loo is unlikely to be motivated enough enough to garb with both hands the myriad opportunities that St Pauls offers. Secondly he will have to complete for those opportunities with many who are exceedingly confident and motivated.
The head at Win Coll once told us that Win Coll is not a school for "tramplers" my DH knows SPS very well however great he feels it is there are a lot of "tramplers" there.

What about that St Paul's review suggests it's not suitable for a quieter boy? You'd clearly need to be very intelligent, hardworking and genuinely devoted to learning, but none of those are incompatible with being quiet. Obviously a child who struggles to speak up at all is going to have trouble at any school, and whilst I agree with the basic "accept your child for who he is" point, everyone has to acquire enough minimum confidence to put their hands up in class etc. But brilliant but shy should be compatible with a school that's all about the academics.

OTOH, assuming that the DS is brilliant, he might find that being at a school where he's clearly amongst the brightest might give him more confidence, rather than going to a school where everybody is at his level and he's nothing special.

Has your HM suggested any co-ed schools OP? (Is the prep mixed or single sex?) It's possible your DS might suit a less macho culture.

Move to Manchester and go for the best and best value boys grammar school!

I agree (again) with above posters. It is about opportunities but not forced opportunities (although persuasion by school and peers helps in teenage years) and compulsory group living. I think full boarding environments when it goes against personality means that some boys create a 'shell' and 'falseness' that continues in later life.
I have a DC at a full boarding and one at a day school both equally confident near the end of their school careers and availing themselves of the opportunities that they are drawn to. They are very happy at their respective schools and neither would want to switch.

I think it's silly thinking a particular 'type' or 'character' suits a particular school. Go and visit them and make your own mind up. Not every child in Harrow will be wildly outgoing.

This is Tatlers reveiw of SPS reading the opening two sentences it conforms my experience that it's not a school for a boy whos "quiet like a mouse"

Absolutely Shesgot OP don't try and change your DS's personality to fit the schools you like, try and find a school that will fit him.

happy I often say that the very best thing my parents gave me was their acceptance.

They just kinda liked me as I was and didn't try to fundamentally change me. Even the bad bits .

I'm rather surprised that your prep school is "pretty confident" that it could get your DS a place at SPS especially with very little experience of doing this. IME of prep heads advising about school which admittedly 7 years out of date (I understand from MN that competition for places is even stronger now) that for very over subscribed schools like SPS Harrow Eton most heads at best say things like "strong candidate" but also strongly advise parent not to pin all their hopes on getting a place and suggest at least one other less oversubscribed back up.
As said above you do need to go and look at them although IMO it's very difficult to work out what they're really all about on guided tours/open days. I guess when it comes to the actual interview as they've so many strong candidates to choose from then if they feel your DS isn't suitable because he won't thrive then he won't be successful. I certainly got the impression when I was looking round boarding schools that along with academic ability, an enthusiasm for and the right sort of personality for boarding was very essential for success.
I work with children and always slightly wince when I here comments like taking steps to bring a child out of his shell. I don't believe or see any evidence that you can change a persons fundamental personality a huge amount, and I regularly see parents trying to do this. We as parents have to accept that our children are what they are, to try and make them into something they're not because this can cause them a huge amount of stress and unhappiness. Your DS is only 8 leave him alone and let him mature and change on his own, if he's going to become more confident and out going it will happen on its own if he's in an environment where he feels supported and cared for.

I don't have any experience of the schools you mention, but I've been where you are with my DS. DH was very keen to send him to Charterhouse, and we went through all the motions, visiting, putting down deposits etc etc. DS seemed to like it, but was in awe of the place generally.

I felt that it wasn't the school for him. I've always believed that happy children lean... And that unhappy children don't. I worried that DS wasn't academic enough and would really struggle at Charterhouse.

I started to explore other options, that had good track records of pastoral care, and a good mix of children. He's now a weekly boarder at Cranleigh, and is loving every minute of it.

The bottom line is that your DS needs to be comfortable and happy wherever he is. That's the best starting point, and go from there...

Good luck. It's a stressful time.

Agree with the others, visit those and some other day options and take into account that your DS may want to please or be influenced by ' playground 'discussions and kudos of certain schools but actually when he visits be drawn to other ones. As he is an only DC the future option of weekly boarding schools or flexible boarding might also be worth considering even if full boarding is n't for him.
For the record I don't think it is just a matter of confidence. Boarding schools like Eton, Harrow allow little time for quiet contemplation and are best suited to a boy who wants to be very busy doing a variety of extracurricular activities especially in the early years of senior school. Those sort of inclinations are usually evident at a young age. Full boarding schools are also enjoyed most by DCs who love being with their friends and the 'banter'of a group. Your DS will tell you what he likes best doing. He may change from how much time he wants to spend with you but if for example even now he likes lots of time to himself then that is less likely to change.

Ps look at Westminster. Quiet boys can do very well there .