DD passed 11 plus but now wants to go to local comp..

My son passed the 11+ and hated the grammar school. I moved him six weeks in to the comp that all his friends attend and he is 100% happier....

Children need like ability peers to get the best out of school ( which is meant to be a collegiate experience).

This is harder to achieve for high ability children. To some extent selection at 11 solves this issue.

I don't think the child should make the decision.

DD is at a comp despite having passed 11+. But that's because the comp is 15 mins walk vs a bus ride, has good exam results, lots of extracurricular stuff, and the best value-added in the area. It's a bit of a known thing that you turn down the grammars (occasionally even the REALLY good one, in favour of this comp. Added to that, I had slight concerns about her in a grammar, given how much she'd struggled being at the bottom of the top maths set in primary.

She's only year 7, so no real conclusions yet, but her only complaint is not going to the other comp, the one most of her friends have gone to (and for which we're way out of catchment ).

I had this myself at 16 - choice of tertiary college or new sixth form college. My parents wanted a better reason than 'my friends are going there' for me going to the tertiary. I didn't have one, so I went to the sixth form. It was painful, but they were SO right.

I was that bad parent!
DS passed the first round 11+ but we had to send the form before the second test for the grammar school we liked. In that time he decided he really wanted to go to the local comp with his friends. But we're not in a grammar area so the local comp has a truly broad intake. It would have been a bus ride and walk for the grammar. The comp is close and in a very nice area. He is still very close to his friends, is doing well academically and can fit in all his music activities because he walks to school. I don't regret the decision and neither does he, but the point is our comp had several advantages over the grammar and there was no guarantee he was going to get through the second test. Also neither did Latin!
If you're in an area where grammars take the brightest kids away from the comp, I would be more wary of turning down a grammar place. My main advice is to get as many visits in as you can and go with your gut instinct. I told DS, if I hadn't liked our comp he wouldn't have gone there. Each time I visited it, though, I liked it more.

How big is the comp? What is the usual process with friends and classes? I went to a big comp and many of my friends were put in the other half of the year which meant that other than seeing each other at break in the first week we basically didn't see each other again until Year 10.

On the other hand - my friend who had gone off to the local private school and I made an effort to see each other at weekends.

Not the numbers of DCs and further differentiation at the upper end. However that may be irrelevant if she is not at that upper end of a grammar school cohort.

"I would also consider whether she would gain from having lots of other bright DCs to engage with in and out of class. "

If it's a true comprehensive she'll have this anyway.

i recently advised another mn-er on here to send her son to the Grammar and she did! I have met her and our kids know each other.

HOWEVER, if it is where I think it is, the other ( is it girls?) school, is just as good in many other ways

where is it , Time?

Ok my dd passed her eleven plus and went to the comp instead. She's in year ten, hasn't hung out with her old primary friends since the first week in year seven.

I guess all comps are different, hers is shitter than shit. Ive just had to email the head to comp,sin about why she hasn't had ANY science homework this academic year, she's iin Year ten!!

Also complained about the fact that her geography teacher has admitted to the class that she's given up trying to teach them due to bad behaviour in the class. Dd says nobody listens to the teacher so she just tells them to work from the text book and ignores the class all lesson.

I would say that behaviour is the main problem. I'm sure not all comps are this bad, but it's terrible. There are a small number of very non academic kids who run riot and make learning nearly impossible.

Will dd do ok? I think she will probably pass all her gcses. But there is no way she is going to do as well as if she went to a school where they set homework and which had a quiet environment.

The school have responded positively to me. Head of science had no idea that none of his teachers were setting homework (dd has three science teachers, so it's not just one lazy one). And he's kicking arse by the sounds of it. Part of me thinks this just makes it worse.....the head of dept should know what's happening. Not be getting told by parents.

Anyway, I'm waffling. My advice would be send her to the grammar no matter what she says! She will make new friends.

Without wanting to state the obvious there is quite a change from 10 year old to teenager and therefore what seems a nice happy friendship group at 10 maybe all but that at 13 including issues such as self harm etc.
Keen year 6s may also lose interest in academic work. I would consider which of the schools is she likely to have the greatest opportunity of making new friends without it being an effort to 'fit in' personality-wise as a teenager.
I would also consider whether she would gain from having lots of other bright DCs to engage with in and out of class. If she spends her evenings in self absorbed reading and studying for her own interest then her drive to learn may be independent of peer group. However you still want a school with teaching that will add to her interest. If she is mainly just driven to do well then you have to work out whether that will become an anxiety in a more competitive environment or she would miss out by not having the work pace of the brightest DCs that you would get in a good grammar.

This is not a decision for a 10 year old to make

It is a no brainer. Send her to the grammar. As others have said, friendship groups change and a good education is priceless.

She will not thank you down the line if you let her decide now.

If you like both schools, I would look at the extra curricular things available. If your child is sporty, look at how both schools' teams do in the county leagues, for example-if he's musical, look at the level of orchestras, choirs and so on.

Just to clarify, how marks were similar to the average score for the year, so he wasn't bottom, bit doing okay.

We won an appeal to get my youngest into grammar school ( also in Kent), but then he got placed in the grammar stream at the non -gs. We wondered whether he would be better as one of the top at non -gs, or would he struggle at the gs. We plumped for the gs, and at his end-of-year exams, he achieved average marks.

I would,go,for,the gs. As others have said, it's easier to go from gs to non gs, then the other way around.

My eldest went to a gs with no friends and is fine. My youngest has made a large group,of new friends also. Very few friendship groups survive at senior school.

However, the best advice I can give is to visit them both again and see what feels right for you. What subjects do they do? What are their strengths and specialisms?

Why did you decide to get her to sit the 11 plus for this grammar school in the first place? Have those reasons changed? If not don't change your mind because of primary school friendships.

You need to choose the best school for YOUR DD, not for her friends.

I have had two DC go to secondary schools as the only one from their primary, neither have had any problems making friends. A friend allowed her DC to go to her local school instead of the Indi they had chosen, because she wanted to stay with her friends, they ended up moving her to the Indi at 13plus instead.
I am applying for DS2 at present, my first choice school for him is likely to mean he has, at most, 1 schoolmate moving with him. He has mentioned missing his other friends several times but he has chosen the other school and we will stick with this decision.

I hate the tutored, just scraped in will be bottom of the class crap that is spouted. Ds1 scraped into his very well regarded (has been times school of the year very recently), was tutored and is now in the middle of the class floating just above class average.
His school is perfect for him.
Ds2 is at the local comp which he is thriving at.

His school is perfect for him.

We have the same choice for Dd, grammar or comp. We loved both schools and feel that Dd will do well at either. I think she will thrive at the grammar as it encourages individuality which is important to us. We still have to confirm our preference.

Research consistently shows borderline passers do better in a GS environment than a comprehensive.

I think if she passed marginally (do you ever know?) especially if highly tutored then either choice is fine. Likely to do well and be toward top of comp versus bottom of grammar.

However, if she flew the 11 plus, I would be more inclined to the Grammar.

If she starts at the grammar, it will be a lot easier to move at a later date to the comp, than the other way round.

The important thing is how good is the local comp. All our local secondary are rated good by Ofsted, but these schools differ so much.

Is it trendy that working hard and doing well academically in this local comp? I think this is important. As one of my friend's DD was in a good comp, but all her friends are not hard working type, she actually deliberately perform less well to be in the same level with her friends. She only tries hard for important tests. My friend had been a bit hesitated to push her work a bit hard or let her to be happy.In the end , she didn't get the result for the subjet she want to study in University, has to change to a less demanding subject and a less reputable University. But she and her mum know she can do better if she tried hard.

So, I always put friends influence on top of the choosing factor.

Have you had a good look around both schools? What is your gut feeling about both of them? A good school on paper doesn't always translate to a good school in practice.

Is it a genuine comprehensive i.e. takes the full spread of ability or is it a Kent comprehensive i.e. a Secondary Modern? How well do the top sets do at the school? If the Comprehensive is oversubscribed then it might not be easy to move if the grammar school doesn't suit.

IMO these are all more important that the friendship issue, which usually change after the first half term or so.