DD passed 11 plus but now wants to go to local comp..

DD went to the Grammar although none of her friends did. (But it was her choice). It did take a few months but she now has a lovely group of friends. DS also went to Grammar with his best friends in his class. They'd dropped each other by Easter and found new friends.

Friends is the wrong reason to choose a school. If she doesn't like the culture or atmosphere that would be different.

Sorry longer than 6 weeks now!!

My son passed his 11+ and then decided he wanted to go to the comp as some of his other friends were going there. We told him to give it a year at grammar and if he hates it we will move him. He has been there 6 weeks and loves it so I am pleased we stuck with the original plan. However, he does have friends from his junior school at grammar so it wasn't like he knew no one.

What her friends are doing is not remotely a good reason for turning down the grammar. We moved our eldest to a new school and he maintains the friendships he made at primary and has made new friends.

I'd send her to grammar. My dd went to comp and did ok. She's now at the grammar for sixth form. Fitted in really well. And most of her friendship group are Asian girls.
I now wish she had gone there from year 7.

ds is year 8. He passed 11+ and we sent him to the grammar.

He didn't want to go, partly friendships, partly I think he was worried about it being hard academically.

We sat down with him and said that we thought the school was a really good fit for him (not just because it is a grammar, although that was one reason). Some of the reasons he didn't get, as they were outside his experience. We said that we wanted him to have this chance but that his happiness was important too, so we did a deal. Go to the grammar and if he didn't like it, we would move him at the end of year 7. He could choose, at that point.

The grammar had kids from all over so they were all in the position of having to make new friends and the school was good at facilitating that.

He came home at the end of day 1 with a huge grin. He loved it. He has just gone into year 8 and didn't want to move.

He now understands one of our reasons that he didn't get when in year 6, and that was that he would enjoy being in a class with a group of bright competitive boys. He had never been in the situation where he was in a larger group where it was cool to be clever and where there was some competition for high marks etc. He thrives in that environment, which we knew he would.

I underachieved at secondary school and went to the ones my friends were going to. Listen to your DD, but not in the case of just wanting to go where her friends are.

I hated my secondary school because my parents disregarded my wishes and got O level English Language and French at grade C. I underachieved shockingly. Please listen to your DD.

Have you looked round both schools and formed your own impressions?

How do you know which school your DC has got into - doesn't everyone find out in March?

If you send me the names of both the schools, I can check their value added results. Value added is how well schools do with the students they have. It is not about the highest grades, more about how students progress

Brioche- it was a question. But I was assuming that was what you thought because you thought it was more likely that in later years parents would be blamed more for not insisting on grammar school than for forcing a child to stay at a school they hated. While I think it's probably just as likely either way!

If she wanted to go to the comp for a properly important reason it would be ok. Friends isn't a good enough reason

Choosing to go somewhere because of friends isn't a good enough reason unless she's painfully insecure.

From experience, most year 6 friendship groups split up anyway once they are at secondary school together.

If she wanted to go to the grammar for a better reason - mixed sex element or commute, it would be ok

And you think they are more likely to fuck up if they don't go to a grammar school?

what?? show me where i said that? (probably true, but i didn't say it)

DS has passed the 11+ but we are not putting GS down as first choice and are opting for our local (good) secondary school.

The main reason is a 10 min walk V mini bus which would mean he couldn't do after school activities.

He did the 11+ mainly to avoid having to put a couple of truly awful schools on the form.

Grammar school every time. Friendship groups totally change when they hit senior school anyway.

The comp does just as well as the grammar, I know as I teach there. I gave him six weeks as he was being picked on, clothes cut, hair, and he developed mystery stomach pains. I haven't denied him anything but he has gained his friends and happiness back....
I hate the grammar is the only option view. Why is it? We tried something and it didn't work. I wish I had saved him the grief and gone with what he wanted in the first place......

I think we're going to have to have a go at getting year 7 DS into one of our Grammars as he is incredibly miserable at Middle School this year, came out last Friday and said he's never going back. It's going to be a lot harder to do this now than if we'd pulled our finger out last year and made sure he passed the 11plus.

The admissions lady has been very encouraging but we have to apply, he has to sit another test and then if he passes we'll have to go to appeal which I'm dreading. He's not liking the idea of going in part way through a year either and it's a bit of a mess. Much much easier to swap the other way.

And you think they are more likely to fuck up if they don't go to a grammar school? Because it it's just generalised casting around for someone to blame stuff, you could just as easily ask "What will you say when they say "Why did you make me go to that grammar school I hated? Why didn't you listen to me?""

She's just having the typical wobble of a 10 yr old about friends and moving to secondary. She has passed to get in the Grammar, I'd treat it like she doesn't have a choice if it's a better school for her.
DC said similar. The familiarity and closeness of the local comp seemed a better bet, but they hadn't considered the longer term repercussions.

It would be unfair to allow her to make the decision as she is too young. Look again at both schools.

Friendship is very important at that age - it helps establish their confidence and place in the world. A lonely child in an academic environment is not more likely to thrive than a popular one in a more mixed school. But there's no way of knowing how friendships will shift in secondary, and no reason why she shouldn't make good friends at the grammar.

I'd suggest a year at the grammar and if she really isn't happy or settled by then, discuss moving her.

bertrandRussel
because if people f* up they generally cast around for someone to blame.

"What are you going to say when your adult child turns round and asks you why you denied them a grammar school education?"

Why on earth would they do that?

Oh,yes, I remember! He'll be working in McDonald's, won't he, rather than being a leading criminal barrister. And all because he did't go to grammar school.

What are you going to say when your adult child turns round and asks you why you denied them a grammar school education?

6 weeks!!
Don't you think he should have given it a chance!