Year 7 Starters

Muddling if you suspect ASD, I would just start implementing the support strategies you would use if he had a diagnosis. They can't do any harm and believe me, it will really help lower your stress levels and probably his too.

Ds1 is 13 and has AS. We are heavily involved in his organisation and planning, both in terms of bag packing and homework. He has to give me or dh his planner as soon as he walks in the door and we work out what needs doing when together. Then, after his snack and computer time (computer time destresses him after school and a long taxi ride home) he has his tea and we remind him what he needs to do homework-wise and make sure we keep a check on him throughout. After that we pack his bag together. He always answers 'none' when I ask what homework he has been set, but it's very rarely true. He's not being obstructive, his poor executive function means he doesn't find it easy to recall what happened when over a period of time. Invariably it will be that there was no homework set during his last lesson and that's as far back as he's thought.

I find it useful to write a small note on the day his homework is actually due in, as well as the day it's set to remind us both he needs to take it in that day. I still despair sometimes as he'll swear to the teacher he doesn't have it, when we put it in his bag together the night before and checked again in the morning, but they won't go into pupils' bags, so he gets into trouble when he had it all along. It is exhausting.

Checklists don't work for ds1, he needs a checklist to remind him to check his checklist and according to his old outreach teacher, that's fairly common. Visual prompts, backed up by verbal prompts and reminders do help though. Ds simply doesn't have the executive function necessary to organise himself, so he needs us to help him, if/when he ever reaches the point where he seems to be more capable, we will change the way we support him, but in the meantime he has enough to deal with and we live in hope that the repetition of doing it all with us will eventually help him learn some good organisational habits.

If he's going through assessment, I would also stay in regular contact with his Form Tutor and Senco and if possible his teachers as well, so you can query any homework issues and chase up lost PE kits etc. After two years we're in quite a good rhythm with it now and it is so much less stressful than dealing with constant missed homework, lost equipment etc.

Ds2 on the other hand, is pretty self-sufficient with 99.9% of his homework now and seems so far to be pretty good at planning what needs doing when and getting it all handed in on time. I did it with him for the first few weeks, then it just kind of drifted into him doing more and more himself, until he was doing it all. I do still ask him what he has each day and he's honest. I think he's come to me a couple of times when he's felt overloaded and couldn't see the wood for the trees and we've talked through a plan of action, but that's been rare.

Having said all that, I have, somehow, managed to agree to help him and a friend make a motte and bailey cake for their History project. It's not really a problem, as cake decorating is one of my hobbies, I'm just worried about making sure it's all their work, not mine, because I know I will find it hard to stand back and let them make a mess get on with it. Ds is going to his friends' house tomorrow, to plan it out and come up with what ingredients we need, then ds and I will bake the cakes and his friend can come over and assemble the whole thing with him later that day. I swore I wouldn't do it and I hate having friends over, but somehow he managed to charm me.

Having a nightmare with homework, we ask if he's been given anything new and he says no, even when his planner says differently! We've now told him to look at his planner before answering the question. To be fair, he is currently being assessed for ASD/Aspergers so we don't want to come down too heavy on him if his lack of organisation is beyond his control. However, it's safe to say it's driving us mad, so if it is due to ASD I can't wait to get a diagnosis and guidance on helping him improve.

I don't think the school should have vending machines. All the 'healthy schools' stuff we get forcefed at primary school, lunchbox police etc, then they go to secondary and have sugary rubbish freely available, it's no wonder they struggle.

The bank account has been such a good idea for my dcs. They feel grown up having a card, but it's also more real, iyswim. I think it feels more significant actually withdrawing cash to spend, so they think more before they do it than they would just giving their piggy bank a quick shake in the morning. It also shows them their balance, which is a sage reminder of just how much they've spent and whether or not they're going to have enough for their next game or whatever. Ds2 has to walk past a cashpoint and two shops he could buy sweets at on his way to and from school, but doesn't take his cashcard to school. Fortunately ds1 is taxied door to door, so can't withdraw cash unless we actually take him to the bank. I think we'd struggle to control his spending if he was able to access cashpoints more easily, but he has ASD and impulse control is an ongoing issue for him.

Then of course we have 6 year old dd, who is richer than all of us put together because she refuses to spend a penny of her money and squirrels it all away in her bank account. She'll see something she wants, then when I tell her she has enough in the bank she'll ask how long it is until birthday/christmas and decide to wait. I am counting on her to look after me in my old age!

A bank account is an excellent idea. DS does have a bank account and an account at the credit union but neither are easily accessible so an account with a cash card which I pay into monthly is something I will definitely consider - thanks for the idea.
We buy chocolate bars with the weekly shop specifically because both DH and DS take them to school / work and £1 for four kitkats is much better than paying 70p for one kitkat out of the vending machine.
I have given DS several warnings about buying junk and have threatened to stop giving him money at all if he doesn't abide by the rules but he has failed to listen so I will look into the bank account option. I want him to be able to learn how to budget which means giving him access to cash but clearly his idea of budgeting is very different from mine.

It was so easy when they were in primary school and had no access to vending machines or shops on the way to school......

Ds' school is cashless, so they don't have vending machines and no-one has any need to carry money. He buys his lunch via the ParentPay system and has been pretty unimaginative with that, rotating pannini, pasta and macaroni, but he only buys a cake or dessert of some sort on a Friday. He does come home and have a cake or cookie for a snack after school every day though.

He gets his pocket money paid into a bank account by standing order and only withdraws it when he really wants something like a new computer game.

He's pretty sensible like that though, ds1 on the other hand, has zero self-control around either money or sweets and we discovered at the end of last year that he'd squirrelled away some money his grandparents gave him and spent the lot in the tuck shop. He reaped the consequences though, as he then didn't have enough left to buy the game he was waiting for and if he hadn't spent the money his grandparents had given him, he'd have had more than enough. He begged us to sub him, but we felt it was better for him to wait and save it up from his pocket money, as he needs to learn how to manage his money better.

I'm afraid I am a meanie and now get him to hand over money he gets given by relatives occasionally to be paid into his account. If he wants to go to the tuck shop, he can ask for some, but this way we can make sure it's not an excessive amount.

If you're wanting him to take some responsibility for it, could you maybe agree an amount he can spend on sweets, on the proviso that he doesn't also take a chocolate bar from home and then insist the rest of it either stays with you or goes into a bank account until he needs it?

No, he doesn't need to take any money to school. His dinner money is paid direct to school on account so he doesn't need any cash for that. He needs money for his bus pass on a Monday morning but that is the only cash he needs.
The money he is taking to school is his pocket money (he has been getting weekly pocket money for a few years) and he has been asked not to take it to school but evidently is still taking it. I think you might be right about frisking him on the way out of the door but I am heavily pregnant and I'm not sure I will always have the energy and knowing my son he will put the money in a different part of his bag each day etc. I want to trust him to just do the right thing but I think I will have to take matters into my own hands. All that sugar can't be good for concentration levels.

I've not been on the thread since the first week of September but it's nice to come back and see how everyone's year 7s have settled.
Re. the homework issue mentioned unthread: I have left my DS to sorting his own homework but I did check one piece as it was art and I know how little effort he makes with anything artistic. His effort was really poor and I insisted that he make a few minor changes to improve it slightly. I know I should have just left him to it but the standard of his work was probably something a six year old would produce.

I have a question about how other people's year 7s are getting on with their new found freedom and buying junk food. My DS takes a chocolate bar from the cupboard each morning (I have no problems with that) but it seems that he then goes to school and buys more chocolate / sweets from the vending machine or stops at the shop on the way home and buys an ice cream. I am not happy about him having that much sugar (especially as his tooth brushing leaves a lot to be desired ).
I have discussed this with him on numerous occasions and explained that I don't want him spending his pocket money on sugary foods but judging by the amount of wrappers in his pockets he clearly isn't listening. I am considering saving his pocket money each week and only letting him have it at half term in a lump sum so he can buy things. Would I be exceptionally mean to do that?

That's exactly what dh and I said!

We have to go to one or several listed local museums and produce a project or piece of art relating to where we've been. We visited the museum ds wants to do the project on over the summer, but need to go again and it's a real pain in the rear, because we have a dog that has separation anxiety, so usually only go places he can come too. The topic he's picked is something we are all interested in, but his idea of how to present it is extremely dull. They can do anything from drawing, collage, painting, needlework, etc to a website or presentation and ds wants to do a powerpoint presentation on a subject that screaming out for something artistic (bearing in mind ds is is very creative and artistic) which I know he would enjoy once he got started on it. I imagine I will end up giving in and he will do whatever he wants, after all, it's him that has to hand it in.

I totally agree with the questionable value of building endless models of things as homework. I was warned that it's pretty common for Y7 homework and was dreading it, as these things very often end up being more the parent than the pupil's effort while teaching both very little. Ds has to build a motte and bailey castle this time. I distinctly being asked to draw a cutaway diagram of one for homework at about the same age and can still remember all the detail pretty clearly - I doubt building one out of papier mache is going to help him learn it any better.

mud, yes, ds2's school does use planners, but only his form tutor ever looks in it, so I'm not all that confident that it would be seen by the person that needed to see it, iyswim.

getoffthattable, very similar here. Ds2 doesn't need much help at all, other than printing out, due to technical glitches. Ds1 has ASD and needs us to almost micro-manage every aspect of school life, including homework. Although to be fair, he has been much better at just getting on with it without having a meltdown first, which has been a nice change!

madmother, lovely to hear of another dc that's settled in well and is happy. Ds2 is loving it and seems to have really stepped up to the responsibility. All I'm really needed for is keeping his lunch account topped up and responding to letters from the school. He leaves the house with a smile in the morning and comes home with one in the afternoon, which is such a relief.

Ds2 got given yet another piece of 'construction project' homework today. They've only just handed in the last one and I agreed his gang of friends could come here to do the next one, so it seems it will be my kitchen that gets decorated with lashings of PVA glue this time. I hope they aren't given one of these every couple of weeks. Home is a bit of a sanctuary for ds1 after school, so we can't really have ds2's project partners around on a regular basis.

We still have the 'family project' they set us on the parents' info evening back in July to do. It has to be in on the first of January. Ds2 and I have very different views about how to approach it, so nothing has been done at all. From what I hear though, quite a few people tend to leave it to the last minute and it's not a big deal if you don't produce something outstanding.

Hi!

I know I'm very late joining but I also have a new year 7. It's been an good start, school has been fab, a few issues with the bus ( his school is 15 miles away!) either turning up late, early ( then not waiting!), not enough seats, breaking down..... List is endless!! All in all though a really good start to sec school! DS was very ready to start ( me not so ready...) and he seems to have made some nice mates and hung onto the few who have gone with him from primary school

I don't get involved in dd2's homework at all.She tends to ask her big sister for help but is generally very independent.Ds1 (twins) however needs to be helped continually.He is dyslexic and finds it difficult to concentrate.He also appears to have more homework due to Common Entrance preparation.

Thanks moose, SATS were awful, thank god we live near an outstanding comp, 11+ would have been even worse.
We have similar homework trauma, does your school use planners? I have occasionally wrote how long dd has spent on an incomplete piece of work and got a nice comment or a signature back from the teacher acknowledging her efforts.

Oops! mudandmayhem not muudandmayhem!

We print ds' homework for him, because the printer is in our room and the only computer it won't play up for is dh's.

Ds1 spent almost 2 hours on his maths homework last night and still only managed four questions, even with dh helping for the last 45 minutes. He just wouldn't quit. We got him to email his teacher in the end, explain how long he'd spent on it (although it was logged as it was online maths) and ask for help. I would be great if ds2's teachers were as accessible, but then ds1 only has 12 in his maths set and only 200 ish secondary pupils in his school, so I guess they're not comparable.

muudandmayhem not boastful at all. It's great to hear positive news and your dd must be so pleased to have her ability recognised. It's horrible how much pressure they are put under for SATs isn't it?

Sorry if this sounds boastful, but my daughter had a great day today. She had a nightmare with stress in her sats and got 4a in her maths, I told her not to worry and that her new school will reassess her and guess what they did, she has been moved to top set and even better her low sats grade will make her target much more achievable. So far secondary has been so much better than primary.

Homework - I had a whizz through the records and I reckon DD has needed help with a third of the homework so far. That's been everything from me printing pictures for her (she ended up very short of time, not her fault, and I didn't want her getting in a pickle with the printer when the mechanics of printing is NOT the homework) to practically researching the topic from scratch. Science is a bit of a bugbear - neither teacher is sticking to the due-next-day principle, which is causing confusion, some of the homework is definitely more than 20 minutes' worth, and DD doesn't understand what she's supposed to be doing (it's entirely possible this is down to not listening). No (further) detentions yet, but failure to hand in a couple of things (which, infuriatingly, she HAD done) has been noted.

All my childless colleagues are starting to say 'nearly halfterm already?' It doesn't feel like 'already' to me.

I leave ds to get on with his homework now, unless he specifically asks for my help with something - which is rare, so far. There have been a couple of pieces I personally didn't feel were up to standard, but he insisted he was happy with, so I backed off and he doesn't appear to have got in trouble for them.

Lilac sounds like he's desperately in need of a break. I think the majority of them are at this point.

Meeting with ds1's school has thrown up a heap of issues today, so we have to deal with the fallout from that shortly. Then tomorrow it's dd's parents' evening, which I'm dreading, as anyone who's seen my thread in Primary Education will know.

Really wish it wasn't another week till half term.

• through some of DDs books

Anyone else having trouble with DCs work generally being sloppier in Y7. Just had a look through DDs sinw of DDs book and her handwriting and spellings have really gone backwards .

2 break time detentions here so far, both for forgetting homework.

This is despite checking her books and files every night, ready for the next day.

She just keeps "forgetting".

We have dug out the whiteboard planner we got for DS1 and never needed to use, to see if that helps.

Oh & re homework tonight ds decided his language homework was too hard and wrote in his book
you need to teach me more

I managed to change it to i need to learn more but oh my god now panicking his teacher will think he's that child
It was very unlike him think he's tired and fed up !