Giving a talk to State 6th Formers Next Month on Success

I'm giving a talk to the boys of Eton next week. I'm going to tell them they can aspire to write amazing post-dubstep if they just visualise growing up in poverty on a council estate in Croydon.

What rot

Kids don't appreciate being patronised.

Stupid sayings like "the world is your oyster" mean nothing in the real world. Others have covered the literal meaning...

If you are hoping to become a big shot, OP, I'd rethink this speech..

To be honest having come from somewhere like that, I would say for most students examples who are just great local business men and women, is as inspirational. People who actually have gone to University having grown up locally. And other people who are making a difference in the local community.

The most inspirational talk my DD had was the twin brother of the booked speaker, she was ill so he stepped in. He hadn't got an especially glittering CV, but he spoke honestly and from the heart about grabbing chances and following your dreams. Two years on he's the only speaker my DD remembers. (Apart from the police warnings.)

Talkin we still have social mobility in this country, usually downwards.

Yes, but even children from my children's schools at 30 or in their 30s tend not to be successful role models in the famous sense. It is just too young in anything except sport/music etc to have made your way yet.

That's just it Talkin and I wouldn't mind betting that it's got more difficult now than even 15-20 years ago.

True,
because social mobility has ground to a shuddering halt in the UK because of the impact of inherited jobs and internships.
I'm old.
Younger people may be able to think of younger people ....

None of those are still in their thirties Talkin. The youngest one is 49, and the oldest 69.

Chris Eubank
Benjamin Zephaniah
Floella Benjamin
Derek Griffiths

In the last 5 minutes I've just looked up two, youngish, black/mixed race politicians:
Chuka Umunna - mother a solicitor and grandfather a QC at the Nuremberg Trials.

Thought I'd hit the jackpot with David Lammy - he grew up next to the Broadwater Farm Estate in Tottenham and his father walked out when he was 12. Luckily for Lammy though, he won a choral scholarship at age 10 to The King's (Cathedral) School in Peterborough and so he was taken out of the type of school environment the op is giving her/his speech to.

An hour is far too long ...

How much time did you spend researching your list of names op? I've just spent an interesting 20 minutes...

lewesmum is correct - Will Seaward and Paul Sackey both attended John Fisher School during its "selective period". Will Seaward's parents are indeed barristers. Paul Sackey's cousin was murdered in London a few years ago, but Paul's own father was ....wait for it...a bank manager (and not a Ghanaian hospital porter one might imagine). Sackey says education mattered to his father and he was sent to a very academic, rugby playing school because his father considered rugby to be more academic than football. Mr Sackey senior obviously passed the John Fisher parent interview with flying colours.

Johnny Lee Miller's parents were both theatre actors and his grandfather,
Bernard Lee, played M in the first 11 Bond movies - hardly surprising he became an actor then. Likewise, Rafe Spall. In an interview, Rafe Spall said, "Who wouldn't want to see Timothy Spall's son coming to an audition? "It opens doors. Children of famous actors who profess anything else are naïve."

Euan Blair is a ridiculous example for obvious reasons. Hayley Atwell's mother is a motivational speaker - any connection? Oritse Williams went to Cardinal Vaughn School (similar to, but not the London Oratory); he started playing the trumpet in junior school. I couldn't be bothered to research Safety Fire.

Presumably, the sixth form you describe has a large proportion of students from Black African or Caribbean heritage, therefore you don't want a long list of successful white celebrities. In any case, many of the suggestions made have a similar background as your original list, or at least don't identify with your audience: Stella McCartney, celebrity father, Ed Miliband, son of a Politics Professor, JK Rowling, born in a Cotswold village, Keira Knightley, actor's daughter who had years of costly, private tuition for dyslexia, Jo (Josephine) Brand, daughter of a structural engineer and grammar school educated. Even Daniel Craig attended a well known grammar school at sixth form for a brief while, Bradley Wiggin's estranged father was a professional cyclist himself and Kate Moss was discovered at JFK Airport returning from a family holiday, not walking down Croydon High Street.

Oh well, perhaps motivational speaking is all hot air and lies anyway.

The OPs probably fictional proposal would be like going into a room full of morbidly obese people and trying to inspire them by telling them about ultra marathoners.

I still can't work out if this is a wind-up or not.

But agree with others - DO NOT use the examples you have in your op. Apart from anything else, success in the entertainment business is down to luck more than talent and you shouldn't be reinforcing the cult of celebrity among young people.

You can talk about my best friend and her husband. Both from S London state schools, both went to Cambridge, both now successful lawyers. Or my dh - from one of the toughest areas in Glasgow, and with a 25 year career in the City. Or my dad, who left school at 15, trained as a joiner and ultimately set up his own business employing over 300 people.

Ubik and Lavolcan are absolutely right. The ONLY lesson you should be teaching them is this: success is there for the taking but you must work hard to achieve it.

All OP's planned talk is going to do is confirm that success is not for the likes of them.

Would be much more effective, and probably cheaper, for the school than what the OP has planned.

Yes I have a friend who was a consultant paediatrician by mid thirties and she went to a worse school than me!

I have peers who are high flyers for large businesses or are in politics, a writer...but also head teachers, senior police officers, academics.

There are lots around - it just requires a bit of work to find them. But why not ask these people to give a series of short talks? Why not get them to tell the school kids how they did it, the hurdles and the hoops and most importantly the setbacks and how they overcame them.

This is the issue - are any children from the non selective/non posh state schools getting into good jobs by their 30s? Are they founding businesses? I think it's hard to find people from any sector at all except acting and sport who by such a young age as 30s are doing well.

I think you are mistaken - I know of one consultant paediatrician in her mid 30s. My builder was only 30 ish and is doing very well for himself, plus another woman of the same age who is running her own successful nail and beauty salon. All from 'bog standard' comprehensives. Although the 2nd and 3rd perhaps aren't the sort of successes the OP is looking for, but are exactly the sort of people who could be used as good role models for the OP's talk.

The one thing all three have in common is a willingness to work hard, and I mean hard.

As someone who went to a 'lively' South London state school it is absolutely true that exams and university are not enough of you really want to get on.

Young people need to be told the truth.
You need presentation skills, you need work on being confident and articulate, you need to be confident in putting forward your ideas.

At state school, bright pupils get used to putting their heads down and working stuff out for themselves. They get used to questioning themselves all the time. You tend to think that other people have better answers than you.

There's a great TED talk on this and what it comes down to is;

'fake it 'til you make it.'
That's what I would be telling them.

Your problem is, and they will spot this in a few minutes, that you are not "genuine".
You haven't gone to such a school. Your children haven't gone to such a school. And you are not even talking about people you employ who have gone to such a school.

I would start by looking for realism. I'm assuming you are an employer? Then go and find out which of your employees have gone to such a school, listen to their stories and their advice. Use that in your speech.
If not then see if you can get some of your employees (younger ones probably) involved in mentoring interested young people at the school. Then talk to them about this new opportunity, and ask them what they would want from such a scheme.

Or to be frank, get someone else to do the talk.

Michelle Obama is a great person for such young people, because she has authenticity (much more than her Husband in such areas).

If you change "social game" to "social skills" - I do think this is important. Employers do look for this. It comes down to being friendly, polite, reliable, dressing in an appropriate manner, being able to converse with others and definitely showing these attributes at an interview - no employer is keen on someone who is socially inept. It is not about going to networking events and evenings at the bar.

I woud also be wary of using too many sporty people. They have a talent that has been coached outside school. Their success is often not down to the school at all. It is certainly not down to brilliant teaching. Although I do accept they are dedicated.

In addition, the notion that: "you can be what you want to be" is totally meaningless if the young person does not understand how to get exam grades and put themselves in the best possible light to potential university/college tutors and employers. If they just think they can rock up to university or employment with the minimum of effort, they are wrong. Young people are better advised to be realistic and work for what they want. Very many people cannot be what they want to be because they do not understand how to get there. It is your job to focus on what they need to do and not just list people who are super talented or who have influential parents.

I am never quite sure what "role models" actually bring to the party either. They are usually people who are very bright, very talented or, as described above, have wealth and influential parents. Role models only inspire the really talented who may well have got there anyway. Therefore you may not grab the attention of the majority with this list. Much as we all love Jesica Ennis Hill, there is only one of her out of 66m people in this country. The rest of us do not appear to be inspired to emulate her - because we can't! Ed Milliband - he was not well connected then? His whole upbringing was surrounded by influential politicians and political debate in his home. He never went into the real world of work either. No, do not mention him!! Kate Moss may not be a very bright suggestion either - she took cocaine didn't she? That says you can do drugs and still earn millions. She also has the money to go into rehab. Ordinary people do not and turn to a life of crime to get the drugs. Her modeling potential was spotted, but had nothing to do with school or exam results!

I would try and illustrate the talk with young people who may have been refugees, have achieved well in business, become well qualified through hard work and have achieved a lot from a disadvantaged start. What skills did they hone? What attributes do they have? How did they overcome adversity?

I doubt very much that the institution you are going into - unless it is a young offenders' institution (which it is not) - would recognise itself from the way you describe it. I might be pretty cross if I was the Head that you thought it was such a dump. I might want to get to know it better before you roll up and make a patronising speech. What does their latest Ofsted report say, for example? So many schools have improved, this school may no longer be what you think it is.

I would also get the name of Rafe Spall's school correct, should you use it.

Ubik1

I would tell them that passing exams and going to university is not enough. They have to play the social game too.

WTF, I really wouldn't be telling them that. I dont think it's true.

I would talk to them about resilience.

And imposter syndrome.

I would tell them that passing exams and going to university is not enough. They have to play the social game too.

It's a tall order when you are facing other challenges in your life.

Janet
Motivating somebody to go somewhere involves understanding where they are.

Not where you think they should be

Not where you were at that time in your life

but where they are now

otherwise you are just pissing in the wind.

Directions from Glasgow to Edinburgh are useless if they start in Paris

Motivational speakers who do not understand where their audience are sitting are equally useless

and frankly should bog off to the places where they understand the map.

In your case North London Private schools and corporate law firms

in the Op's case, the upper floors of Canary wharf
but certainly not a school