Y8 DD being read sexually explicit fiction

Same as aplace I read anything I could get my hands on, even if with shite like mills and boon or stuff that well written did not appeal ( Dickens) I had to force my way through a few chapters to justify my opinion that in the absence of anything else I'd still rather re- read something else. So obviously that covered every variety at some point or other.
Another point with not imposing strict boundaries is that it gives them the kudos to be able to say no without being labeled as goody goody by peers. Nobody gave my daughter grief when a friends parent put grey friars Bobby on, and she refused to watch further, because they all know that to some extent she gets more freedom than many in terms of age appropriate media. But I do remember another child getting grief when they found a similar thing upsetting because they were labeled a baby who only ever watched baby stuff.

Giles I read everything I could find so yy I read Forever but also mysteries, science fiction, poetry, historical novels, ghost stories, books on lateral thinking, etc. I wouldn't have said romantic fiction was my mainstay at all and I still haven't read Flowers in the Attic despite my DM having the full series

I know my parents tried to censor what I watched (both on TV and in the theatre - my DF was horrified that The Crucible might have naked people having sex on stage ) but I don't remember them policing what I read in the same way, maybe because they realised I could read wherever I wanted and it was an impossible battle to win or possibly because I didn't go home and tell them that everyone was reading Forever at lunchtime.

Since the OP's DD did tell her about 50 Shades, I wonder what response her DD was expecting. Maybe she was wanting to provoke a conversation about relationships; maybe it was just a passing comment; maybe it was an attempt to get the OP to go into school and get it banned? I don't know but I do think that's relevant to how the OP should respond too.

Was I the only one not reading romantic fiction or crap like 50 shades at school?

no wonder I never fitted in

too busy reading horror stories and books about alien abduction and ghosts.

I think it's pretty hard to censor kids reading at secondary isn't it? they are in town on their own with access to libraries both in and out if school

Is your dil 13?

Most 13 year olds read more explicit books that 50 shades? That must be one of the funniest things I have ever read on mumsnet

I'm not allowed to put what my dil is into

Bertrand my daughter is adult!

"Most 13 year old girls read much more sexually explicit publications than 50 Shades"

Really? Like what?

And I suspect you are very young or have no daughters if you think that the mainstreaming of BDSM and anal sex among the very young is a good idea.

Analysis = anal, I love predictive text

Most 13 year old girls read much more sexually explicit publications than 50 Shades ( that is the ones that read!). The only thing I will say about the book is that it is easily the worst high profile book I have ever read. The grammar is awful, the content is bad and the twee words even worse. Most teenagers will only read it for the perceived 'shock' value and it really does not deliver.

In today's society, mild bondage and analysis sex is considered 'normal' among the younger generation, not so in the older generation. As gay sex is considered mainstream, it's no wonder heterosexual people are trying it.

If it's not your choice, fine, but it is considered pretty normal among people under 30.

Sounds awful, but it's probably not really that bad. I'm sure if I'd read it at that age most of it would have gone over my head (without realising that I didn't understand it iyswim.)

As for 'got hold of a copy..' - not exactly difficult really is it? You can find them in every charity shop on the high street.
Sorry, but I think at that age kids should be able to read what they want.

Hmm. No I really really do think that this is about boundaries and adults needing to step up and be the bad guy. 13 is a dreadful age for peer pressure, bullying and feeling the need to conform. If your 13 yr old is confident enough to walk away when made uncomfortable by what friends are doing, brilliant. But most 13 yr olds are not. And the fetishistion of sex and objectification of women is so utterly rife nowadays that I think it's not enough to have a conversation about what's bad about 50sog. No, most boys are not going to suggest getting into a serious bdsm relationship. But lots of young people are surrounded by - and internalising - the message that anal sex is normal/expected, that girls bodies exist for mens pleasure etc. I think in this context it is actually really important that parents make it clear through action - not just conversation - that some things are not age appropriate and not 'the norm'. That doesn't mean blinding oneself to the reality that children are going to be exposed to these things. But at 13 it is entirely reasonable for a child to want/need/expect their parent to 'protect' them when they feel uneasy. And knowing that their parent will do this on their behalf is - I believe - comforting. And I do think that saying 'it's happening anyway, leave it be' is irresponsible. 13 is still very very young.

It's something I'd be encouraging my daughter to sort out herself either by walking away if she doesn't want to listen or having a quiet word herself with her form tutor and explaining that she feels uncomfortable if she expects someone else to intervene.
It's not something I would think necessary to intervene myself tbh and good practice for dd when she experiences other situations that make her uneasy.

Y8? Not aged 8?

Read anything as far as I'm concerned. At aged 8 I was reading adult fantasy, by (modern money) Y7 I would have been reading Game of Thrones if it had been now. I was reading some pretty explicit stuff at this age and I'm pretty vanilla most of the time

If they can buy it with pocket money (as far as I know there's no age restriction on buying this book - happy to be corrected) then there is no bar to reading it. Maybe now is a good time to have some very frank discussions about the darker side of relationships (obviously as appropriate) and why a lot of people find FSOG unappealing. She could be dating cretins in a couple more years (or less, maybe more) and forewarned and all that stuff...

Presumably this is going on at lunchtime so your daughter can go elsewhere with different friends if she is uncomfortable. However, if you are upset, you could speak to your daughter's tutor or another member of staff.

As others have said, a banned book (or banned anything) can be extremely attractive to teenagers. This reminds me of a recent blog post that I read by a literacy specialist called David Didau. Here's an extract. I think the part about World Book Day is fantastic!

"One librarian I worked with stands out. Toby Dyer was an incongruous figure. For one he was young – in his late twenties – and for another he was cool. Much cooler than any librarian has a right to be. He had a tattoo which read, “Reading Is A Rebel Act”, a sentiment that rang deep within – this was how reading always felt to me as a teenager! He made it his business to imbue books with edginess and danger. He engaged in what he called ‘reading terrorism’ – bursting unannounced into classrooms, reading a passage of prose or poetry and then dashing off, cackling maniacally.

"I met up with Toby last year. During our reminiscences, he told me about a reading assembly he’d given one World Book Day. He took the stage, his face a thunderclap, wielding a copy of Kevin Brooks’ The Bunker Diary. Although this book won the Carnegie Award in 2014, it’s probably one of the most controversial children’s books ever written. Anyway, Toby told his audience that he’d caught a year 8 boy reading the book and had confiscated it. He told them some of the more salacious details and said that the school absolutely could not endorse such filth. He said he’d heard there were other illicit copies floating around the school and that he was running an amnesty in the library: if copies were handed in before the end of the week no further action would be taken. Apparently he got the deputy head to go along with him. Anyway, he left his ‘amnesty’ pile lying around, unsupervised in the library and by the end of the day, every copy had been borrowed. The book became the most talked about reading phenomena since Harry Potter first hit the shelves."

www.learningspy.co.uk/reading/on-libraries/

A very dominant thick girl in my Y8 DD's class has got hold of a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey and has been reading it out loud to classmates at school, during break and lunchtimes.

Sounds like DD is loving it and staying around to listen!

I remember finding my mum's copy of Nancy Friday's Women on Top very fondly!

Day of the Jackal always used to fall open at that page in my local library

Worse than forever but so cheesey it doesn't glamourise sex in the way Moll Flanders does

I wouldn't be happy either but think it's probably inevitable. Definitely worse than Forever though - in which girl of age falls in love with and has first sexual relationship with boy her age, falls out of love, moves on and learns about relationships as well as about sex ('do all penises have a name?' 'I can only speak for my own'). Not the same as 50 Shades, except that of course that's what we thought was 'dirty' then, and this has taken its place.

Yeah, you're right, it is.

"Aside from Ralph in Forever, I was reading Mills and Boon at that age, and 50 Shades is no worse"

Oh don't be silly, of course it is!

Surely your daughter can go somewhere else, or speak to the head of year herself?
Aside from Ralph in Forever, I was reading Mills and Boon at that age, and 50 Shades is no worse.
If you're concerned, contact the school, but the novelty will have worn off before they get around to addressing the issue.

Ginnel it's a massive leap to say any of the adults on this thread have stopped setting boundaries simply because they believe that (a) teenagers will read about sex and (b) it's better to have a dialogue about that than try to restrict it.

Canyou I didn't say the issue with wealth was the only teaching opportunity from the book but I do think the emotional abuse and the fetishisation of wealth are more of a risk because statistically a girl/woman is much more likely to meet someone who is emotionally abusive and/or who believes they can 'buy' compliance with nice shiny material possessions, than they are to meet someone who suggests they have a BDSM relationship.

You only have to look at the relationships board on here to see that EA is a much bigger problem than BDSM, and also that fear of losing material possessions (homes/cars/finances) is a massive contributory factor in people staying in abusive relationships.

ginnels you are entitled to have a different opinion, but not to leap to the massive conclusion anyone with a different one is lazy and stupid. Nor did anyone suggest at 13 you stop giving boundaries. But what some parents do is work on the basis some boundaries may get broken anyway, so I want to know when they are so at least I can impose some limits/ degree of parental input. Other parents do it differently and hope their children won't break the boundaries, and on both sides I'm sure mistakes are made or it doesn't go to plan, but that doesn't mean one way is lazy and stupid or irresponsible, just like the other way doesn't mean deluded idiots or creating rebels or losing any chance of input because they'll just do it anyway and not tell you. It's just 2 different views, I can believe my way is best and you can believe yours is, but nobody should believe it's an opportunity to believe their way is the only acceptable way or to trade insults.