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Original poster

What would you expect done in this situation?

39 replies

Chokingonhollister · 07/07/2015 15:39

Name changed as very specific.

On a trip a couple of weeks ago one of the boys who has a bit of a reputation was winding my Sen dd up on the coach. He was putting his hands through the seats , poking her and saying she had bit him . She definatey hadn't. He then got several of his mates to chant biter at her.
Dd asked to move explaining why and was allowed but the boy was allowed to move behind her again and continued. Dd text me. I told school and he was moved.

Back at school however he has told everyone who wasn't on the trip she bit him. Lots of people are now asking her why she bit him and she's just saying she didnt. However there are several boys calling her Suarez (as in the footballer who bit) now and dd is getting very distressed. She has Sen and is very sensitive and was already really struggling in school. She is year seven.

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RandomMess · 10/07/2015 20:23

Just ensure that you go back to them EVERYTIME there is an incident and tell them that you have a zero tolerance towards your DD being bullied. That minimising it is just arghhhhhh so unacceptable - completely the opposite of reassuring you!

Ironically hedgehogs I struggled to think of any SN that wouldn't then be included in SEN or the full term the LEAs seem to use of SEND. If someone needs help to get dressed in the morning they would also need help to get dressed for PE so then it would become a SEN??? Doesn't matter really just had me thinking!

LIZS · 10/07/2015 20:21

That sounds appalling. Angry I'd have expected there to be consequences for the child and a hardline approach to stop just this sort of "banter"Hmm . It is so hard to stop once started. It isn't about being over sensitive at all. Such behaviour should simply not be tolerated. Their bullying policy simply does not work.

Original poster
Chokingonhollister · 10/07/2015 20:18

They've spoken to the boys concerned and the ones who carried on have been reported to their form teacher.

in fairness they did later say it doesn't matter if she is oversensitive (she is in general) they need to stop but the minimising it as just kids giving nicknames did get my back up.

I did mention that dd has asked to move schools and they didn't ask why she felt like that and was basically told that I would possibly find a school on par but not likely one which did as much for her as them. Sadly based on my state school experiences they are probably right Sad. In fairness the senco has done lots for her.

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RandomMess · 10/07/2015 20:06

That is complete BOLLOCKS!!!!

What are the school going to do to ensure it stops now?

Original poster
Chokingonhollister · 10/07/2015 20:02

Lizs they haven't spoken to the initial boy since telling him to leave her alone on the coach.

She has not seen him since. It is now his friends who are continuing it in her classes etc as dd does not go on the playground so she doesn't see him.

I've had a meeting with school today and been told boys give each other silly nicknames but need to learn some children are sensitive and don't like it ...

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Original poster
Chokingonhollister · 10/07/2015 19:54

maypolist I used Sen because I was relating to issues occurring within an educational environment.

It affects her maturity, her 'mental age' her self esteem, her sense of danger, her understanding, her processing etc. It does make her more vulnerable.

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hedgehogsdontbite · 10/07/2015 19:46

SN and SEN are not the same thing although they are often used to mean the same. SEN is a subset of SN and relates to education. eg Needing help to get dressed in the morning would come under SN but not SEN.

hedgehogsdontbite · 10/07/2015 19:42

OP I implore you, be that parent. Be on at the school every single day if necessary. Escalate it all the way to the top if you need to. But make this stop.

I have AS. I experienced very similar at school. Attempts to deal with it were pathetic. I'm in my 40s now and I am still in therapy because of the damage it has done to me.

RandomMess · 10/07/2015 19:37

Well having used google for UK information it would appear SN and SEN are indeed the same thing.

Not sure why you couldn't do that yourself...

LIZS · 10/07/2015 19:30

Remember the previous thread. Yes it is bullying and needs addressing urgently by the school. Was the original child dealt with after the trip? Unfortunately dd had something similar occur on a y6 trip which dogged her until she left a few weeks later even though she reported it. Some schools are just flaky at implementing their own policies.

MayPolist · 10/07/2015 19:23

So what is the difference between SEN and SN then?

RandomMess · 10/07/2015 19:05

TBH it's irrelevant, no child should be bullied regardless of SEN or not.

SEN can include emotional needs, global development, speech & language delay and so on. Anything where they will need additional support to receive their education.

Confused Why is it relevant?

MayPolist · 10/07/2015 17:15

a bit confused! befor I can answer, please could someone explain the difference between SN and SEN? You say your DD has SEN, which I would understand to be something ike dyslexia or dyscalculia.I am not sure how that makes her any more vulnerable than anyone else?

MrsKCastle · 08/07/2015 07:51

Well your DD's form tutor clearly didn't follow the policy. I'd go in to the meeting acting as though you assume that the policy had been followed. So I'd ask:

  1. When did the tutor inform the head of year and what action did they take?
  2. What form did the investigation take- given that they haven't asked your DD for further details. Have they spoken to the original boy, or just the ones who have been calling DD names?

If they can't answer those questions, you can then ask them to explain why they aren't following their own policy.

TheUnwillingNarcheska · 08/07/2015 07:41

That is great, you can now ask them how they are dealing with it and are they following the procedures laid out in the policy.

The worrying thing is the other parent expressing dissatisfaction with discipline.

Original poster
Chokingonhollister · 07/07/2015 22:29

Interestingly I've been contacted tonight by another Mum from the same school also having issues with different children.

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Original poster
Chokingonhollister · 07/07/2015 22:28

Incident Management
The school will take firm and decisive action to deal with any incident of bullying which is witnessed by or reported to any member of staff. Bullying can be reported by a student to any trusted adult. When a member of staff receives information, either directly or indirectly, that a student may have been the victim of a bullying incident, this report will be taken seriously and investigated. The relevant Head of Year must be informed immediately of any alleged bullying incidents. The school will offer a proactive, sympathetic and supportive response to the victims of bullying. The exact nature of the response will be determined by the particular studentâ??s individual needs and may include:

Â
â?¢ immediate action to stop the incident and secure the child's safety
â?¢ positive reinforcement that reporting the incident was the correct thing to do
â?¢ reassurance that the victim is not responsible for the behaviour of the bully
â?¢ strategies to prevent further incidents
â?¢ sympathy and empathy
â?¢ counselling
assertiveness training
â?¢ extra supervision/monitoring
â?¢ creation of a support group
â?¢ informing/involving parents
â?¢ adult mediation between the perpetrator and the victim
â?¢ referral to SLT and/or SBPO
â?¢ restorative approaches or restorative justice
â?¢ Headâ??s of Year monitoring the students involved after the issue has been dealt with, in an ongoing way.
For Students Involved in Bullying Incidents School takes bullying behaviour very seriously and will adopt a supportive, pragmatic, problem-solving approach to enable bullies to behave in a more acceptable way. Steps will be taken to change the attitude and behaviour of the bully, as well as ensuring access to any help that they may need. We will respond to incidents of bullying behaviour in a proportionate way

  • the more serious the cause for concern the more serious the response. When sanctions are felt to be necessary they will be applied consistently and fairly. These sanctions may include: detention, a period of time in Room 101 or fixed-term exclusion. In the case of persistent bullying, the perpetrator may risk losing their place at the school.
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RandomMess · 07/07/2015 22:04

What does it say about sanctions for those bullying and do they seem to be following them...

Original poster
Chokingonhollister · 07/07/2015 21:45

I've got the policy off their website

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Original poster
Chokingonhollister · 07/07/2015 21:45

Such behaviour constitutes bullying if:
â?¢ it is repetitive, wilful or persistent
â?¢ it is intentionally harmful, carried out by an individual or a group
School community recognises that being bullied undermines self-esteem and confidence, sometimes with devastating consequences. It can result in long-term psychological harm and it can undermine the ability to concentrate and learn; as a result, it can impact on a young person's chance of achieving their full potential at school and in later life.
Specific types of bullying include:
â?¢ Emotionally harmful behaviour: such as taunting, spreading hurtful rumours.
These can be further categorised as:

Â
â?¢ Verbal: Name-calling, sarcasm, spreading rumours, persistent teasing.

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TheUnwillingNarcheska · 07/07/2015 21:27

I would contact them tomorrow and ask for a copy of their bullying policy so you can go in forearmed on Friday. That way you can quote policy at them.

Personally I think it is appalling it hasn't been dealt with already.

Ds1 is in year 7 and we chose a school specifically because of the zero tolerance to this sort of behaviour.

I have emailed the head of year at 8.30pm and he has responded 20 minutes later, the matter was then dealt with the next day.

Original poster
Chokingonhollister · 07/07/2015 19:55

I don't know trout. I have to concentrate on dd who yet again after suffering bully at primary doesn't want to go to school Sad

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Millymollymama · 07/07/2015 19:51

One suspects they are not very bright and follow what a "leader" child suggests. I think they often behave worse in groups, than they would as individuals. School should definitely get on with dealing with it..

YeOldTrout · 07/07/2015 19:41

It's terrible bullying, I just wondered if there was any context to why they had such poor self-control.

Original poster
Chokingonhollister · 07/07/2015 19:41

She hasn't actually seen the original boy since the trip. it's his mates now.

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