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Original poster

School residential trip dilemma

109 replies

redbeard · 04/07/2015 16:53

Hi, my DD 12 (asd ) was due to go on a 5 day trip on Mon, however , she has been on and off for a few weeks as to whether or not she wanted to go.

I asked her to give me a final answer on Friday , so I could inform school if she wasn't going to go , as they leave early and would be expecting her.

She was adamant she didn't want to go, and so I phoned school to tell them she would not be going.

However now she is upset and want's to go, I have said that it's too late , she made her decision etc, but my question is , will they have cancelled her place ?

I cannot contact anyone, and they leave early , any suggestions anyone?

OP posts:
Original poster
redbeard · 04/07/2015 22:16

I know that's why I feel guilty.

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 22:16

Yep snap Goldmandra.

I have to email ds1's teacher this weekend, with information that will be useful for her to know on Monday morning. I suspect she'll reply tomorrow evening (although I have no expectation of her doing so, but she often does).

youarekiddingme · 04/07/2015 22:16

Cheryl I hope my autistic DS never ends up in your class at school Hmm

I had this when DS had residential. Meetings, DS unsure, back up plans etc. School were determined to take him and keep him though!
He wasn't sure right up until getting to school.

I think emailing and then seeing if you get a response is fine. Iys showing your dd it's ok to change your mind but you may not then get what you want.

saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 22:15

Ah that was your mistake. Giving a choice. (Do it myself - frequently. Son's anxiety then shoots up. Not said judgmentally! I have done it so many times recently - it's much more of an issue now his anxiety is high, he could cope with me saying that sort of stuff when it wasn't as high)

Goldmandra · 04/07/2015 22:12

neither my sister nor I would dream of hounding our children's teachers over the weekend.

Teachers don't have to respond to or even check work emails over the weekends but many do and I quite often receive emails from my DDs' teacher during evenings, weekends and school holidays. Sometimes I have whole email conversations at those times. Sending an email isn't hounding by any stretch of the imagination.

Original poster
redbeard · 04/07/2015 22:12

I have never said once that I felt she could not have coped with the trip.Myself and her teachers felt she would be fine with support.

I did however give her the choice on Fri , as to whether to go or not.

She chose not to, but is regretting that now.

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 22:09

Hounding?

One email, asking whether the place is still open?

Original poster
redbeard · 04/07/2015 22:08

I haven't hounded anybody, I sent one email.

OP posts:
CherylBerylMeryl · 04/07/2015 22:07

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoogerAndDark · 04/07/2015 22:06

I think OP's final deadline should be the one to go from tbh, unless there has been a clear indication of flexibility from the staff wrt to last minute decisions.

AlpacaLypse · 04/07/2015 22:05

Actually I'm with Cheryl here... I have an mildly ASD daughter and a very severely affected ASD nephew, but neither my sister nor I would dream of hounding our children's teachers over the weekend.

OP, you've made a call, stick with it.

saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 22:04

I meant the snidey meltdown comment

Original poster
redbeard · 04/07/2015 22:04

Actually , I believe she would be supported fantastically during the trip and would be fine .
It's the anxiety about going that stops her ,I gave her the choice to not go , she has now realized she made the wrong choice and cannot now go.

I would never have agreed to the trip if I didn't believe she could not cope with it.

I feel bad because i should have realized it was just a few nerves about going and cancelled the trip.

We will both know better next time , these things are a learning curve , and not allway's straight forward when you have asd.

Unfortunately she is now very upset that she can't go.

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 04/07/2015 22:04

I do actually, and we get on very well, they've come on leaps and bounds.

I don't believe that for a moment. However I can quite believe that is your perception. I would imagine they all breathe a huge sigh of relief when they move on from your class.

OP, as a parent of two girls with ASD who has been through this, I would suggest that you write this trip off right now. If you get an email back saying it's OK for her to join them, her anxiety will probably shoot through the roof again and she'll decide she can't go after all. Follow up your previous mails with an apology and say that you've realised that her anxiety is too high for the trip to go ahead after all.

I think sometimes it's kinder to take the decision out of their hands and make it clear that, no matter how much of a wobbly they throw, it isn't going to change. It's easier to stop stressing about things like this once you know it isn't in your power to change it.

She'll probably be cross but also be very relieved and you won't go through hell tomorrow with her not knowing and worrying about what to do.

CherylBerylMeryl · 04/07/2015 22:03

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CherylBerylMeryl · 04/07/2015 22:02

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saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 22:01

Blimey. Do you REALLY work with kids with ASD?

(again thanks lucky stars for wonderful special school).

saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 22:00

I thought you had a magic no-nonsense method of getting them off on holiday?

Or are all residential trips off for OP's dd forever?

CherylBerylMeryl · 04/07/2015 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saintlyjimjams · 04/07/2015 21:59

OP sounds to me as if she doesn't know which option is best (again very common with ASD).

If I happened to be the teacher, and it was just a case of numbers and names on/off a litst I'd give some sort of contact text number and tell the mum to text in the morning at Xam to say whether or not she was going.

titchy · 04/07/2015 21:59

I'm not sure how much reorganising will have gone on tbh. Same coach, same hotel, same teachers. What is there to reorganise?

CherylBerylMeryl · 04/07/2015 21:57

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clam · 04/07/2015 21:57

"Horrendously guilty" about what?

Don't try and paint yourself as the caring teacher now. That ship has sailed.

clam · 04/07/2015 21:55

Ever considered a career change, cheryl?

CherylBerylMeryl · 04/07/2015 21:55

This reply has been deleted

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