What would you have done differently in primary?

I agree with letting them get on and do their own homework and organise themselves....they need to learn to do it themselves. (Actually a friend with a much older DC told me this -you can't sit the exams for them!)
The other thing - DD1 at 14 just diagnosed with ADHD.
In Scotland -she was the youngest in her primary class -is the youngest bar one in her year group (approx 200) at secondary. I didn't appreciate how common it is to defer -so she was in a class with 20% of children a year or more older than her - one 15 months older.
(She has friend who deferred - had just turned 14 and she told DD to 'grow up -how old are you? 12? -to which 12 yo DD replied "er...yes"! )
Anyway a lot of the problems with concentration and organisation were put down to her being the youngest, a lack of maturity. I even told a teacher at parent's evening when she was 9 I suspected she had something like ADHD and she didn't agree or disagree...but said she is young!

I didn't push it - didn't want her 'labelled' and she was coping -not doing as well as she was capable of academically but holding her own. Last year things started really slipping, I mentioned it to a few teachers at parents' evening and most of them were 'ahhh - I can see that'. She now has a diagnosis. Only a few things have been put in place at school but they know and she has the support if she needs it. Not a magic wand but it helps. (We have just got medication to try shortly to see if it can help when she needs it - for eg exams). And I wish I'd done it sooner -at primary.
I think for her in life too - instead of feeling useless she knows there is a reason. I say she just isn't designed for the way we live now - humans aren't supposed to sit and write at a desk for hours on end. She (like most people with ADHD) can concentrate on things she is interested in - almost obsessively and her brain gives her a different take on things - both are strengths. She said it isn't an excuse it is an explanation. (Also makes me feel better - she always has been challenging - I'm not just a crap mother -have done (doing) everything wrong - she really was (is) hardwork!)

I'm glad I stumbled on this thread, I have DCs in years 4 and 6 with dyslexia and dyspraxia/AS, I'm pretty "involved" with school and interventions but a few things I had not thought of, email for example, they've never needed to use it.

By Year 5, no, nothing. Earlier, I would have checked pencil grips and helped dd1 change hers - other than that, with hindsight, I would have simply trusted the school and my children more and relaxed and enjoyed.

But I guess that depends on the school, too.

I would have put more effort into making sure DS was actually forming his letters correctly as he learned to write, and not trusted the school to do that. Writing has been such a chore for him throughout school, and just cracking the basics earlier on would have helped such a lot.

I would also have got them confident at using email and opening and saving attachments and reattaching them to emails before the start of secondary, as my DD's school in particular expected them to be able to do that, and she couldn't.

Also if I'd had the option they'd have skipped French lessons as they learnt very little and had it all repeated anyway at secondary school (as others in their classes hadn't done French at all)

One of the best things my husband taught our DS was how to use humour to deflect bullying - it worked and the bully moved on (presumably to someone else sadly). Just wish we'd sorted it sooner - the school were pretty rubbish about dealing with it. They said they were but in reality I think they just hoped it would all go away. When we/my husband taught DS how to deal with it himself that was far more effective.

So what I would do differently is be sceptical about how bullying is dealt with by the school.

Nyna thanks for this thread, it's great to read about the things that parents of older children have to say. Especially the messages about not worrying too much!

Wish I'd realised that Yr2 SATS set the targets for the future and that I'd understood expectations better. Like glee I think being a summer baby lowered expectations, but due to the system that follows them through.

Would have done more basis maths skill at home, and made it part of day to day life.

Would have been a class rep early on so that I knew the teachers and school better.

He's 15yo now. There is a legacy from the bullying, he still lacks social confidence and can't brush things off easily. His slightly younger sister is wildly confident and resilient. When they were young children he was the bold cheery one & she was the super shy clingy can't-do-it one.

I was bullied a lot worse than DS when I was similar age which is why I was slow to understand how bad it still was for him. Argh

I should have pulled DS out by end of yr4 after he was miserable for 8 months already, and not hoped things could be sorted out. I waited until end yr5 to move him to another school.

I would say delay onset of smart phone disease / ipads and arrival of headphones. Give them an appreciation of enjoying the outdoors and having some fresh air and enjoying nature, perhaps growing plants from seeds.. teaching them to nurture things.

Giving thanks for every minute spent with them, for having them home early, for the lack of homework, for the possibility of doing things together as a family on weekends.

Not differently for mine - this happened for them anyway, but reading so many threads on here, I think it makes a lot of sense to encourage them to have friendships from all sorts of different places and not rely on one or two 'best buddies' as they will be unlikely to be able to remain with them as they transfer into secondary. Encourage them to mix with others from cubs or swimming or football or even after school clubs from school or wherever they meet people. encourage them to go along and try new things and meet new people as much as possible before they start becoming more self concious as they get into puberty.

I agree typing skills would have been fantastic. Also all round IT confidence which some dc seem to have from home, but as I'm a technophobe, look to school to assist. Dd also never showed much interest and we didn't push it...

If I had known that ds's organisational skills and academic motivation would come in their own good time I would have been a lot less stressed when he was younger.
DS was "resistant" to say the least, and eventually the prospect of spending 50 minutes of encouraging, cajoling, insisting, threatening, bribing, persuading, pleading to get 5-10 minutes of output wore me down

YES to these.
Both of mine were very resistant to doing homework at primary. It was the cause of most parent child conflict and in hindsight - pointless.
Both left secondary school with all A*/A in GCSE and I don't believe that homework made a jot of difference.

What did help? I forced DS2 to learn his tables by rote the old fashioned way because they were not taught it in school. (DS1 was apparently born knowing his tables).
What would have helped? Good old fashioned typing.

"Things that were useful:
Learning self-organisation.
Being able to tackle homework independently.
Taking responsibility for own learning.
A reasonable typing speed.
The ability to research things on the internet and judge how reliable the information is.
Basic knowledge of Word, Publisher and PowerPoint."

My dd left primary school with level 5's in her SATS but unable to do any of the above apart from typing and some IT skills.

Secondary has been a disaster and she looks set to leave school with no GCSE's. Her main problem has been her inability to work independently and to organise herself. My ds is coming up to the end of primary and he's the same. He'll probably leave with a level 6 in maths, and 5's in literacy, but his writing is weak whatever the SATS level says. I'm really concerned about him starting secondary this year and will be helping him to get on track with organisational skills.

A nicely worded question...I suppose the one thing would have been work on literacy more. Writing projects, diaries, speeches. The school set enough homework and encouraged this kind of activity, but at the end of the day as a parent I failed to make it happen. DS was "resistant" to say the least, and eventually the prospect of spending 50 minutes of encouraging, cajoling, insisting, threatening, bribing, persuading, pleading to get 5-10 minutes of output wore me down. In theory I could have gone Tigermum and gone ballistic until everything scheduled was done, but I felt emotional well being for both of us was more important. So of course I'm plagued by doubt about whether I did enough (as I certainly didn't do too much!) but I suppose only time will tell. I think to some extent it depends on the child's learning personality, although some parents do seem to dispense with such fluffy notions and get the job done.

To realise that teachers are fallible and are often wrong about your child.Take parents evening with a large pinch of salt.Follow your own intuition as you are the one who knows your child best.If you think there is an issue investigate yourself ie: in the case of Dyslexia get an independent diagnosis.My children's school completely missed ds1's dyslexia when he was tested in school.
Some children absolutely hate infants but love school later on ( ds2 one of them).This would have saved me hours of worry!
Finally when there are teaching issues and you are worried that your children are not being pushed,be your childs best advocate .If this doesn't work, realise that in the scheme of things bright children will learn,in spite of poor teaching and will find their own level.Dyslexic children really won't,and will need one to one help .Also please praise and appreciate good inspiring teachers as these will make a huge impact on their pupils lives.

I wish I'd realised that being the youngest girl in the school and being put in a 'young' half of the year class would mean expectations would be low from Year R and this would then follow dd up the school. How many parents evenings did I have to sit through being told dd was doing 'fine' when I could see she wasn't working hard at all??? Year 2 SATs would then dictate expectations for year 6 SATS, and year 6 SATS would be used at secondary to predict GCSE levels?!? Even dd realised when she left primary that she had never worked very hard. I was very relaxed about it all thinking school knew best, but I wish I'd thumped the table a little harder!
Fortunately (touch wood) secondary seem to be gradually pushing her a bit more, so fingers crossed it won't be too late...

If I had known that ds's organisational skills and academic motivation would come in their own good time I would have been a lot less stressed when he was younger. This year (at just turned 16) he is looking to get an over 80% average in English, and really enjoying critical appraisal something I would have thought completely impossible back in the screaming at the suggestion of any reading practice days.

I do wish that I had explored tutoring for his writing skills given what a transformation six sessions of synthetics phonics tutoring made to his reading (he is dyslexic).

Don't think I would have done anything very different for dd except maybe encourage her to make friends from a wider circle so that she might have been less hurt when her best friends stuck the knife into her at the end of primary school.

TheFirst I agree every bit of practice helps.

DD is much improved on where she was and can now cope with all the day to day organisation, and will now use lists to help her remember stuff. But the extra stuff she has had in the last few months due to y11 and GCSEs has been too much. If she were now in y9 she would be coping fine!

I'm hoping that dropping to fewer subjects next year, and the extra support available at 6th form college, will mean she can cope with much less help from me.

Yes also, definitely, revision is a skill that needs to be taught and practiced, so by the time you get to y11 you know what works best for you. All these mind maps and highlighting is useless for DD. Simple straightforward index cards work best for her brain.

Thefirst

ds is year 7, we have just discovered this!

DD went to sessions on Saturdays at Dyslexia Action. Seemed very good.