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Original poster

What would you do about this teacher, who genuinely seems to dislike DD?

37 replies

MyballsareSandy · 23/04/2015 13:27

I find it hard to challenge teachers as I was brought up to believe they were god-like, as were doctors! However, as an adult I realise there are good and bad teachers and doctors, like all professions.

I have two daughters in year 9, they are in most of the same classes. DD1 is quiet, conscientious and gets on with things. DD2 is a chatterbox, bit scatty, forgets stuff if I don't remind her. Capable but treats school as a bit of a social, despite teachers and myself/DH having constant chats about how important the next couple of years are.

Anyway, I know her chattiness must be hugely annoying to teachers and parents evening was much along those lines, bright, capable of achieving well, but won't unless she puts in more effort and buckles down. They all seemed to like her, said she was a pleasant member of class etc etc.

Until our last appointment of the evening with her music teacher. This lady sat there with her lip curled spouting negative stuff about DD for approx 5 min until I intervened. I started to talk and she spoke over me, telling me that I must have had an horrendous parents evening and she was sure that every teacher must have told me how rude and troublesome DD was. I put her straight, telling her that she was the first teacher to ever mention rudeness in her 2.5 years at the school and how surprised I was.

DD said she wasn't rude but struggled to understand why the teacher consistently treated her so harshly compared to the rest of the class. Teacher denied this and we left it that I would speak to DD and try to get to the bottom of her behaviour in this particular class. DH was cross at the teachers rudeness to be fair, talking over us, curling her lip etc.

Anyway, sorry this is long. My other Dd, who is in the same class, confirmed that this teacher is very harsh with DD and most of it is unprovoked. This was backed up by friends in the same class, I didn't go fishing for comments/opinions, they happened to be here one evening and this teacher's name was mentioned, they all commented on her treatment of DD.

We told DD that she had 13 lessons left this term, to keep her head down, do what she's told and then music is finished, as she's not taking it as an option. Don't do anything that could be misconstrued as rudeness, don't chat etc etc. She tried this last week and was immediately hauled out of class for having the wrong type of shoes on. Her shoes had been damaged the previous evening and I had written a note to her form tutor apologising and explaining we would be buying new ones at the weekend. Other children had non uniform stuff on but they were ignored.

The teacher emailed me that evening saying she was tempted to put her in detention as she was not wearing correct uniform and she was chatty and uncooperative. I replied saying she needed to be consistent with all the pupils, how lots of people had commented on her unfair treatment of DD and that I hoped we could come to some agreement regarding DD as there were only 13 lessons left of the school year, and it would be a shame to end on this note. She didn't reply.

Fast forward to yesterday, if you're still with me!! As soon as DD walked into the class, the teacher accused her of lying to me. And kept on about it for most of the lesson. She hasn't contacted me at all.

So what do I do? Apologies for the length of this, but she has really pissed me off and I'm not good at challenging/complaining face to face, but I feel DD needs me to fight her corner on this.

OP posts:
Esko · 23/04/2015 20:31

I think you need to make an urgent appointment for a face to face meeting with her line manager.

My daughter was relentless picked on by her form tutor in year 12. In the end I went to the head of sixth. After an investigation he agreed this was the case and arranged mentoring for the teacher to improve the way she came across to the girls.

Don't just put up with it. This sort of bullying would not be tolerated in my workplace and I don't see why young people should be expected to put up with it or be blamed in some way.

chocolateyay · 23/04/2015 19:03

But a teacher ought to be able to manage a chattery child. A disruptive child is a pain in class but it can be managed without sarcasm and 'picking on' a child.

I had a form teacher who picked at me from day one. She had had the 'pleasure' of teaching my elder siblings and had decided that I had to be put in my place. Every day it was some put down, insult, punishment for little or nothing - really, I was a mousy, eager to please, timid kid!

Becles · 23/04/2015 18:14

The latest issues aside, which you should talk to the school about DD2 is a chatterbox, bit scatty, forgets stuff if I don't remind her. Capable but treats school as a bit of a social, despite teachers and myself/DH having constant chats about how important the next couple of years are.

Massively implies that your DD is hard work and potentially responsible for a lot of low level disruption that could make it hard to control or deliver a class. Just because the other teachers have jokingly mentioning it doesn't mean it's not a problem, probably means that this new teacher has a much lower tolerance for disruptive behaviour and pulls her up about it there and then.

Also worth pointing out to your DD that if she is constantly chatting in class and has 'form', the teacher is more likely to notice poor behaviour that in someone else would be disregarded because they haven't already had a first chance.

I give degrees of leeway, but less to disruptive children because unlike those who generally behave well it can really escalate and impact on the experience of other children.

noblegiraffe · 23/04/2015 18:00

It may not be possible to switch to a different music class as they may be timetabled at different times.l

The next port of call would be the teacher's line manager, so the head of music rather than the deputy head. Explain the situation and see what they suggest.

ealingwestmum · 23/04/2015 17:44

Also been in your position with my DD and was brought up that people in any form of authority was always to be respected and right. You have absolutely rationalised in an adult way a possible resolution and to move forward, and whilst your daughter wants to let this lie, teachers like this will not stop, just like bullies until dealt with.

What ever her gripe is, you have factual reasons (such as her not responding to your email follow up) in addition to the subjective views to address, in this case, hopefully with a listening deputy. You very much sound like someone who will be controlled in your delivery, and therefore should be heard with equal respect.

Good luck on getting a successful outcome, even if that results in switching teachers if this one in question cannot control her attitude towards your DD2, or articulate why she finds your DD supposedly so difficult. "So challenging to teach" was the expression used all the time with mine...yet none of the other teachers ever felt that?!

Original poster
MyballsareSandy · 23/04/2015 17:33

Thanks all, I'm not one for marching into school either, and I do also tend to play things down and think the DDs are exagerrating etc, so it's interesting to hear your views.

My parents always took the teachers side, I remember being so enraged about this when something was clearly wrong, so I feel I must do something in this situation.

I've been expecting an email from the teacher today, but haven't heard anything.

Apparently they don't have a Head of Year, which I find odd, but both DDs say that's the case. I'm on good terms with one of the deputy heads so I may speak to her about this. DD2 wants me to just leave it, she said there's no point when there are so few lessons left, DD1 is more upset by it all, on her sisters behalf, having witnessed it. DH thinks she should move to a different music class for the remainder of the term.

OP posts:
chocolateyay · 23/04/2015 15:43

I'm not one for 'marching into the school' but I'd make a note of the inconsistencies, comments etc and speak to the head. Teachers like this are bullies - and I know its good to learn how to deal with difficult people, but this can make a kid really miserable and not want to go to school.

perrycourt · 23/04/2015 15:36

Its important you believe and support your DD - as you rightly say there are 13 lessons left then she is away from this teacher. We have been in your position with our youngest DD. After telling her not to be silly and of course no teacher hated her we were contacted by deputy head who explained that DD had complained directly to her and she had secretly listened to a lesson. Turned out the teacher was picking on her and actually admitted to it and apologised when confronted - so it DOES happen!! I felt awful and now tend to err on my DD's side.
You were very controlled at parents evening and have done everything right with regards to sorting out the problem - the problem here seems to lie with the individual teacher not your DD - I think after the outburst in class I would go into school and speak to head of year as that sort of behaviour is very unprofessional.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 23/04/2015 13:49

You need to escalate it. As whatahooha says - very unprofessional.

WhatAHooHa · 23/04/2015 13:42

The last bit, in particular, sounds very unprofessional to me. A lot of what's happened is very subjective and it would be difficult for you to prove that that one teacher is unfairly treating your daughter. The last bit, though, would have me in like a shot. Bullying your daughter because she dared complain to you?! Head of Year first port of call, but you will no doubt needed to escalate to the head.

NotInGuatemalaNowDrRopata · 23/04/2015 13:36

Wow! Poor kid. Good on you for stepping up for her. I think it's time for a meeting with the Head, or whoever's on the list the school has for raising problems once you have no joy from the teacher herself.

LIZS · 23/04/2015 13:36

You may be right in your instincts , after all if everyone got along the role would be a dull place, but is her chatter disruptive, was she wearing correct uniform ? Maybe your and your dd's idea f keeping her head down differ.