What would you do about this teacher, who genuinely seems to dislike DD?

Having just read the bit about your dd being told off for wearing the wrong type of shoes - these aren't the same shoes she was sent home to change without 'fair warning' 3 months later are they?

Threads like this make me wonder why we bother sometimes. Your DD is chatty and disrespectful, clearly causing low-level disruption in lessons, and somehow it's the teacher at fault?

The biggest issue with low level disruption is that is impacts on the whole class. As an isolated incident, it's not that bad - one child speaking out of turn who stops when asked to is fine. One child who persists in talking is enormously disruptive and means that the teacher has to keep telling them off or escalate it. Suddenly, to the child, it feels like they're being picked on - "Miss is always going on at me" - well yes, "Miss" is, but if you would stop doing what you're doing, she wouldn't have to.

High expectations in classrooms are important, and it's important that teachers adhere to them. It helps if parents support that rather than blindly supporting their DC. Children need to learn that their desire to chat to their friends does not trump the right of others in the class to learn, and any child who does believe that is pretty arrogant.

Many teachers play down the chatty, low level disruption especially to doting parents of able children. Clearly your dd is a PITA in music. The teacher didn't dress it up for you. Your dd may be delightful to you but I have seen lovely children be v rude and disrespectful to staff, sometimes to several teachers, sometimes just with one. They often then say that this teacher picks on them etc. Yes their friends will back them up. Your dd will pick up on you and your husbands reaction and the fact that you are seeking to understand this by asking others if this is all in fact true. I would advise you to try and see this more objectively.

I am so glad you stuck up for your daughter. Well done, plenty wouldn't.

Perhaps your DD did change her attitude too? I'm surprised you seem to be pleased that your DD achieved progress "despite not changing the way she worked" since you had indicated she constantly chats etc. I do hope you pointed out to your DD at some stage that other children in her class might find "chatter boxes" or children who treat school " as social" as really disruptive and that it impacts on their leaning.

Have you posted about this before OP - I recall reading something very similar.

Let me preface this by saying that teaching is an incredibly stressful job, and that you never know what is going on in someone else's life to make them act in the way that they do.

That said, I agree with most of the posters here that you do need to bring this to the attention of the teacher's superiors. No child should feel afraid or unhappy to go to school. I think you've shown a huge amount of restraint in your dealings with her, and that's going to be important going forward. Before going into the meetings I would try to put aside your feelings and argue the case dispassionately, as difficult as this will be. I would also frame it as showing concern for both parties. You're worried about your DD's happiness in school, but also for the teacher's situation and wellbeing, as this does not sound like the behaviour of someone who is happy and supported in their job. It's important to look for a solution that helps everyone. Good luck!

Obviously your DD hasn't been the model pupil, but I agree that this teacher is taking it too far. You informed the school about the shoes situation, she should have accepted that. Teachers do pick on pupils sometimes. DD1's Physics teacher did it earlier this year. I encouraged her to speak to the Head of Department, who organised a discreet lesson observation (which leads me to think DD was not the only complainant). The bullying behaviour from the teacher stopped. In DD's situation it was also the case that the Physics teacher was the ONLY teacher to say anything negative about DD. Not all teachers get it right, you should follow this up.

If you don't want to go into school, you could consider forwarding the e-mail that you sent to the teacher to the deputy, and asking her to clarify why there hasn't been a response, despite the teacher initiating the e-mail exchange.

Also, focus on that you'd written a letter re the shoes to avoid exactly this type of situation occurring.

There's only two things here that you can actually complain about, but you can complain with good cause. The first is the shoes incident because you had already written a letter and the teacher should have given DD a chance to explain (don't worry about what other children were wearing at this stage, no one will pay any attention to that.)
The second is the accusation of lying made publicly in class. She went way over the mark. I would focus on that and take it to the Head of Year. It is bullying and it is humiliating. If the teacher had a problem she should have discussed it with you, not DD.
I'm afraid everything else only suggests that she has less tolerance of disruptive behaviour than the other teachers but I am not for a minute saying that your daughter's misreading the situation, especially as her sister is in the same class!
I am horrified by bullying from a teacher but I have experience of teaching children who don't listen in class and talk when other teachers or pupils are speaking and I always make a point of explaining that their behaviour is disrespectful to their peers as well as to me. I also make a point of not repeating what I have just said if they do it too many times! I tell them I am not going to shout, they have to make sure they can hear me! I would meet the school half way and say you acknowledged there was a problem after parents evening and DD was trying really hard to behave. This incident now threatens to undermine the conversation you had with her.

I would focus on the lack of response to your email, and the teacher calling your dd a liar/being angry that she had complained to you about her, rather who was or wasn’t wearing the correct shoes etc.

Request a meeting with the deputy head asap, giving reasons, and refer to the school’s bullying policy.

This probably isn't the first time this teacher has picked on someone and given the nature of bullies it won’t be the last.

All bullies want from others is that they remain silent - make sure you don't fall into this trap out of not wanting to make a fuss or minimising the effect this is having on your dd.

That has just reminded me that when I was at primary a teacher was sacked for the psychological damage she had done to me and my friend with constant bullying. I still have issues to this day because of it. My parents hadn't complained but the Head picked up on it and finally after 3 years, she went.

One of my daughter's teachers bullied and humiliated her and another classmate over the course of a year. I sat at parent's evenings listening to this woman denigrate my daughter more than once. She actually sounded quite deranged at times.
I desperately wanted to intervene but my daughter pleaded with me not to as she didn't want it to get worse.
Fast forward to the end of the academic year and I brought it up with the Head of Year informally in a meeting - the response was that I should have said something earlier and that the school would have supported me. I got the very firm feeling that her behaviour towards my daughter and another girl was not isolated to just them.
I can't tell you how much I wish I could turn back time and deal with it differently.
My daughter would not have been bullied for a year by this woman who was in a position of trust. And she would not have been terrified about going into these particular lessons.

We are still feeling the repercussions (my daughter started to harm but seems to have this under control).
Never again would I stand back and allow an adult in a position of trust to abuse my daughter in this way just because they were a teacher.
And just in case it is offered up as an excuse for the way this woman treated my child, my daughter is not disruptive in any way - nothing but glowing reports ever, from any other teacher she has ever had along with being a high achiever.

Secret camera idea....really? Add the absolute mistrust of teachers to the long list of reasons teachers are leaving the profession in droves.

She does sound a PITA but do NOT record her- pretty sure there must be some laws protecting teachers from that.

See her again, or see her line manager. Explain your evidence and don't let her talk over you.

Yes. Secret camera recording children. What could possibly go wrong

I had something similar in DD's class in Y4 where DD made the cardinal sin of correcting her teacher on several occasions. These were grammatical or spelling errors by the teacher that DD felt should be pointed out. After that the teacher hated (I don't use that word lightly) my DD and they never hit it off. We sat down with the Head of Junior and agreed that it wasn't appropriate for a child to correct a teacher, but then in the first place the teacher needed to not put DD in that position...the teacher was observed for several lessons and it was noted that she closed a number of students down and her style of teaching didn't work with those with those who were not lateral thinkers. My DD is top of class but can go off track for example, but learns by talking about various routes to the solutions. Insisting on a quiet classroom was not conducive to lessons that benefited from collaboration for example. The Head of Junior was amazing in identifying DD's learning style and brokering understanding between DD and teacher about how to best go forward, for example pointing out the benefits of bursts of communication to explore a problem. Head of Junior then made sure that DD was paired with a more suitable teacher for Y5. Perhaps some observation needs to happen for this teacher? Albeit a little while later and not made to appear that it is only related to this scenario so that it isn't a knee jerk reaction and they don't think it to do with that one child, but it can make a huge difference.

A secret camera, are you for real?

Get dd to take in a secret camera to music class, (or better still pay someone else in the class to do it) and see for yourself ;) Ask the music head for their opinion. What's the general feeling of this teacher from other parents? I'd expect dd to be in some way responsible. If not, teacher needs to be removed.

Other children had non uniform stuff on but they were ignored.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS?

But actually there's no evidence that she was rude, so why should she take the punishment?

you know i get SICK of telling parents something about their kids, when they then point to every other kid in the school who has green hair or a pierced ear

that is NONE Of your business.

she was rude. take the punishment

13 lessons doesn't sound like much, but it's quite a long time for this woman to get to bully your child. You need to go over her head. Could your dd do something else during that time?

Ooh I think it's tricky. Like Beccles I think your daughter has rather a lot to answer for. I don't think there's any excuse for picking on or "bullying" a child but I do think class teachers need to be able to have a disruptive child withdrawn immediately from the classroom because of their impact on the learning of others and motivation of the teacher.

I think you need to put your concerns in writing to the Head Teacher but I think you should be braced for some unwelcome comments about your daughter's behaviour generally.

Apart from that; is music a statutory requirement? Is it a lesson from which your daughter could be withdrawn, possibly for the benefit of all concerned?