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Original poster

Would you change school in year 10?

33 replies

Frikadellen · 18/03/2015 08:42

dd2 is in year 10. She is very dyslexic and has struggled with her schooling however in the last couple of years she really seems to have begun to understand how to work around this and her predicted grades have gone from D's and E's to a solid lot of B (back in January) The school she is in really seems to academically get what she needs and have been great for her actual schooling.

However Socially she really struggled and we have her coming home in tears regularly, (2-3 times a week) she feels she had no friends that no one wants to talk to her and when she has tried to enter social groups there has been a few unpleasant scenarios of exclusion. There has never been any direct bullying it is more making sure she knows she is not welcome and they dont wish to have anything to do with her. We have contacted the school numerous times about this in the last years and in the beginning they did try to aid her., Giving her access to a special room where other students who struggled went, she did make 1 friend there in year above this girl however has got serious school avoidance issues - wont go into details - so is often not in school 2 or 3 days in a week according to dd. Also with them being in different years it is often complex to meet. DD is also finding this girls from what I understand severe depression difficult to deal with. (I have met the girl and she is lovely however I also know how hard it is to deal with someone who is depressed and dd is only 15)

She has commented a few times that no one else really comes to this room so last time I contacted the school I requested they try to aid dd to find a different way to make friends. They at this time did not engage with me at all, I received no reply however dd did say that she had been spoken to by form tutor and basically they had said she as the onl ystudent would be permitted to go to the art studio with her lunch and do art stuff during lunch. Great as dd loves art however not going to aid her in making friends to isolate her.

Last week it sort of came to ahead . DD has been doing DofE and actually getting along well with the group she was in and had some positive feedback over all of this. Last week a girl in another group had fallen out with the group she was in, she had gone to friends in the group dd is in and those friends had taken it on themselves to basically said that this girl could swap with dd. No one had considered talking to dd about this and nor had they approached a teacher. It had simply been decided amongst them and presented to dd as a done deal. With dd having self confidence issues over all of this and feeling she can't make friends this obviously made her feel awful.

She has got 3 friends from primary who attends a different school. This school is over subscribed however when I phoned them I more or less had suggested that an appeal would perhaps be likely (She said - sometimes the panel does things we don't know why they do for church members) At the time we applied for 2ndary places I had not yet returned to regular church attendance and we could not have got her in. However I have done so in the last 3 years and we can now fullfill the church criteria for this school.
The school has amazing pastoral care and her younger sister will start in the school come September, It also has one of the highest scores of non grammar schools for GCSE's .

I am at a loss as to what to do. She is very unhappy however academically she is thriving. I want my child to have a good education and dd is clever. However I also do not want her growing up with severe self doubts as to if she can make and keep friends. It would be a lot of work for dd to cope with the academic side if this school has gone different approach for GCSE's however I suspect if she was happy and amongst friends she would be able to do this. BUT that is only a "suspects" I don't know what to do and I do not feel there is most point in approaching her current school again as they have not engaged with me over this the last few times. I know it would be a long shot to try an appeal however if I do not try then I am likely placing her on a no friends for the next year and a bit. Is that fair?

I will just add that dd1 is at the same school in 6th form as dd2 and is thriving it is not that I wish to move to what I see as a "better" school.
WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
Frikadellen · 18/03/2015 10:40

Current school is co ed as is school we are considering trying to move her to.

Current school is aiding her amazingly academically I can't fault them there it is the social side that they dont seem strong on. (They have ofsted in this week so shall be interesting to see what Ofsted says on this subject)

I very much doubt they will be same exam board as they are in different counties. This is my biggest concern due to dds dyslexia I think it is a lot to aim for her doing and with current Bs predicted I really don't want to ruin such chances. (if you had told me when she left year 6 she would be looking at solid Bs for gcses I would not have believed you)

Changing form is something the school will not consider (I have asked) it is not done and they wont "open that door" I know that her current school teaches many GCSE subjects over 3 years and new school over 2 so there will be issues. This is what holds me back

However the idea of a entire year of her not having anyone to talk to breaks my heart for her.

Thank you for all replies this one really has me stumped. ( wish she was 4 again and I could wrap her in a cuddle and all would be fine)

OP posts:
HereIAm20 · 18/03/2015 10:32

A friend moved her daughter after year 10 and as mentioned above there were issues over exam boards and she had to redo controlled assessments and course work for subjects such as art and textiles. Also triple science was taught differently. Same board just timetabled differently. She had previously done all 3 subjects throughout each term. The school she moved to did a term and a half of each. So she was ahead on one science subject but behind on 2 and had to play catch up. We don't know yet how successful in terms of results it will be but in terms of her happiness it has worked.

Another friends moved schools after year 10 but basically the child repeated year 10 so she followed the two year course at the new school.

It is difficult as the school appears to be working if it has brought her grades back up to a decent level but what price happiness? Is repeating year 10 something you had considered?

Gunfleetsands · 18/03/2015 10:28

Could moving Registration Form at her current school be an option for your DD? We found it worked for our DD. I know you don't mention any specific problems with her Form, but if she hasn't found a friend there might be someone in another Form who would be friendly towards her, or willing to include your DD into their group.

Schools will often say that it is just a Registration Form and it won't make any difference, but we found it made a huge difference. DD went from a very unpleasant set of girls into a Form of much, much nicer girls. It was as if she were attending a different school. It took a while, but she made some good friends and was very happy for the rest of her time at the school.

Sounds as if your DD might be in an All Girls School?

The DofE group thing must have been awful for your DD. As you say she was getting on well in that particular group and it must seem to your DD as if they don't like her. The reality is they most probably didn't give your DDs feelings any thought at all - just didn't occur to them. Their friend from another group told them about her woes and they rallied round and decided to swap her into their group - leaving your poor DD the one to be swapped out.

Speak to the DofE Coordinator - are the groups allowed to swap members?
What are the girls like in the other DofE Group? Have any of them been unpleasant to your DD? Do you/your DD think she could be ok in this new DofE Group?

Sparklingbrook · 18/03/2015 09:17

Ooh, that's a dilemma. We did this but DS was at the end of Year 8. Thriving academically but socially a disaster. It is so hard to see your child upset day after day and no means of fixing it.

I would definitely be at least arranging an appointment to talk the HOY at the other school.

I feel for you. Flowers

GirlsTimesThree · 18/03/2015 09:11

It's a really tough one. We did it because we had to move for a job, but DD2 is strong academically and very motivated, so despite the difficulties we were fairly confident it'd be ok.

I visited the new school several times before the girls started there and discussed how they would support them. If you can, find out which exam boards the new school uses and if they're the same as her current school, which courses they're following. Even if they're following the same syllabus they may have covered the work in a different order.

All the exam boards for our dd were different, so the course content was different too which meant a huge amount of self directed study and extra input by her new teachers (lunchtimes and after school. She even had a couple of Saturday's at one teacher's house). She dropped one subject so she could have a couple of free periods each week to work in the library on her own. She had to cover the whole two year English Language syllabus in one year, having a teacher for an hour after school once a week and doing the rest on her own.
Would your dd be able to do that? Would the new school facilitate it?

It is doable, but you need to think about whether your dd could cope with the workload and if the school would be supportive.
We were very lucky and dd worked her socks off, as we knew she would, but it was a big ask and not something I would have done unless absolutely necessary. That said, if your dd is very unhappy, she's not going to perform to the best of her ability. It's so difficult to know what to do for the best.

TheFirstOfHerName · 18/03/2015 08:52

Sorry to hear that she is struggling with the social aspect.

If you do feel that moving would be the best thing for her, then you would need to ask the new school about the arrangements for moving half way through GCSE courses:

  • Does the new school use the same exam boards and specifications?
  • Will the exam boards be willing to transfer any controlled assessment and coursework she has done so far?
  • Have the new school taught the topics in the same order?

It would be a shame if all her hard work in bringing her grades up was lost.

LIZS · 18/03/2015 08:46

I think you really need to explore all the options with her current school before uprooting her mid GCSEs. Can you speak to the D of E organiser about the groupings? An appeal could take a while anyway and it might be better to move for year12 if she can cope in the meantime.

Original poster
Frikadellen · 18/03/2015 08:44

just a add she does rugby outside of school and plays on the school s lacrosse team so we are trying to find a way to get her friends outside of school.

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