Private school - extra costs

By the way, it would be an unusual boarding school not to have a very precise sports kit and uniform from one supplier. JL, Harrods, etc. Often second hand sports kit is not available because it gets worn out and grotty. Second hand hockey boots would be grim. Can I ask what you expected OP? You were hardly going to get a school skirt at Matalan!

I think you will need to be very careful about not letting her have "nice" extras. You will immediately be marking her out as "different" because everyone else will go on something, and be doing something, but perhaps not everything. How can you possibly deny a child a trip to the Somme if they are studying WW1? What about geography trips, art trips, MFL trips? The state schools around here do all this and parents pay. I think your DD will be in for a miserable time if she can't do what the others do and not flourish. You really do need to think about how you can pay for extras.

Also have a honest chat with the bursar, who will know your situation and be aware of how that particular school works. Some schools have funds to cover extras such as important subject trips, most will have a second-hand uniform shop and you may be able to "borrow" stuff from it rather than buying it, some other schools will have separate funds for, say, buying books for deserving girls in XY house... These are unlikely to cover all extras of course, but might help with key stuff. And well done to your daughter for getting in!

Btw I should have added that none of the pupils are aware of this.

At our private secondary school, pupils on full means tested bursaries go on relevant trips free of charge. I don't mean things like skiing trips, but music tours and subject related trips. Other parents are charged a bit extra to cover the bursary pupils ( same as happens for the actual fees, of course).

Find out if they have CCF (if your DD fancies it). That is amazing value - lots of opportunities and good fun.

IME, the higher you get up the school, the easier it is not to do lots of "extra" stuff if you don't want to. But I don't have experience of boarding school - and it would worry me that the pressures - and the sense of "not fitting in" might be more acute than at a day school - is it just weekly boarding? What do the girls do who don't go off on the trip?

In our case, there is always a tonne of stuff on offer, almost all of it at extra cost, but you just pick and choose, and nobody cares. I usually say yes to the subject related day trips and the theatre outings, especially if the tickets are a good price. I always say no to the big ticket skiing holidays etc - but so do most other children - they tend to be organised across several year groups and nobody cares whether you go or not.

Since 2008 there is a bit of "poverty chic" going on, with parents much more likely to wear "not going" on something expensive as a badge of honour, rather than something to be ashamed of.

The most important thing is to make one or two secure friendships I guess.

It depends on the school. Some include curricular trips as part of the fees, ds's school has a fund for trips abroad. You don't have to pay for music lessons either. Do check whether lunches are included though, they often add insurance too. School uniform wise, buying new can be expensive, especially the PE kit. Some schools are not picky where the uniform comes from and have a second hand uniform shop too. Are you able to look online at their uniform list? This will give you a good idea where it needs to be bought from.

I have two children at private school one DS at Prep and one DD at private girls school. Apart from school fees the extras we have paid for since January are:

DD
£1450 - ski trip
£200 - horse riding activity week

DS
£650 - French trip

Both
£300 - per term per child for music lessons

The uniform for the secondary school is approx £600 new - although they do have a thriving second hand shop at both schools.

Typically 5-10% ime. I think if your dc was on say a sports or music scholarship there would usually be some funding for a relevant tour. You need to check exactly what the award covers - uniform, lunches, books, exam fees, trips, music tuition etc. Is it a fixed cash amount , the value of which decreases over time as fees rise, or % . Does the bursary element get reviewed each year? Are there conditions on each ? Presumably some of the costs would be similar to what you might incur in either system.

We paid £800 for sports kit and uniform about 10 years ago. Boarders have set amounts they want you to buy. Other extras really depend on what your child does. Music will be £20 per lesson, or thereabouts, as will drama. Sports coaching if taken is another extra. My DD did an extra cookery qualification which was about £1000. Hockey trip - £2500/£3500. Subject trips - anywhere between £20 for this country and £1500 for abroad. There are Theatre trips, ski trips, music trips etc. Our extras bill was usually over £1000 per term just for additional lessons for music, dance and drama (for 2 girls though). This is a few years out of date. If your child does nothing, they will not get the advantage of being at the school, so I would get hold of the extras booklet and see what she wants to do. Then work out the cost and see where you stand. The great strength of these schools is the breadth they offer so it is a shame not to carry on with music lessons, for example, because of cost. I do think you need to expect to spend something on your child though!

School uniform may be dearer, but all independent schools I've come across have excellent 2nd hand uniform shops - and there is no stigma in using them however rich you are. Trips are the same sort of price as those organised by state schools - often run by the same companies, of course. In some schools DC on large bursaries are not really expected to go on expensive inter-continental trips. Many full fee-paying children don't go either; even fairly well off parent have their limits.

You really do have to talk to the school, they differ wildly on this. DS's school guarantees no compulsory extras at all. Others will charge you for every exercise book, I'm told.

Uniform is usually much more expensive, as it is often only available for purchase from the school. Typically seem to need more of it too, particularly sports kit!

At DD's school, the cost of day trips are just added to your bill. Things like going to the National Gallery, or the Somme. Not going on these doesn't seem to be an option! This doesn't apply to, say, the ski trip but your DD may feel under pressure if all her friends are going on a particular trip, and she can't go.

Don't know if this is relevant, but my friend's DD has a scholarship, and boards. The scholarship % is only deducted from the day school element of the fees, so she has to pay full whack for the boarding element.