Should DD send card thanking school for offering her a scholarship?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/education/2257646-What-can-a-bursary-family-do-not-do?msgid=51273823 This thread is exactly the mindset I would want the OP and her DD to avoid falling in to.

Sincere thanks are always welcome, I think. However, you need to think about what you are really thanking someone for. Thanking someone for something they've already decided you've earned could be seen as a little bit obsequious, perhaps, but thanking them for the particular way they behaved towards you is worth doing, as it reflects well on them rather than demeaning you in any way. What stuck out for you was the kind way in which your dd was treated on the day. You probably wouldn't be inclined to write a personal thank you to a school which offered a scholarship but where your dd had felt humiliated in applying for it!

It is not weird at all! It's nice. And I have to say that convention does not need to be stuck to always.

When I auditioned for RADA and the other London drama schools years ago I used to walk in and shake hands with the entire audition panel!

It was only when I was actually in drama school the next year and ushering that years auditionees that I relaised this wasn't the norm!

Not one of them approached the panel to shake their hands!

I must have stuck out but not in a bad way as I got offered 3 places.

I thanked the primary school dd went to as they are the ones who got her to a standard she was able to get a scholarship

It's not necessary to send a thank you card but it might be rather nice - wouldn't hurt?

I'm not sure what "overly polite" means? Are you talking about fawning all over people? I certainly don't do that but I do believe it is that it's the right thing to do to thank those who serve as in restaurants etc. When someone does something decent for you you should acknowledge it. I've been a waitress in my time and I was stunned by rude people were, if someone takes your plate or brings you a drink to acknowledge what they've done with thank you and a smile are IMO just good manners.
As I said above a genuine "thank you" whether written or said can never offend.

But HG being overly polite can rather suggest someone sprinkling glitter on the little people / not being quite at ease in their company. Or, conversely, it could be seen as excessive subservience.

It absolutely doesn't matter either way but - once having considered the matter - it does no harm for the OP's DD to recognise that the school will be pleased to have her. The OP says her family have no experience of private school - it would be a shame if they fell into a habit of abject gratitude. It's a rather different situation where there's no danger of that.

Anyway - I should imagine the school may be rather more puzzled by the handful of parents who proffer crates of wine or an entire orchestra of instruments long before their child has gained a place.

If you feel you or your DD feel like thanking them for offering your DD a scholarship and financial reward then send a card/thank you note it's hardly going to offend is it? I have been regularly criticised by friends for being too polite to waiters, shop staff etc, and my DS's nearly died of embarrassment when I thanked a man in Burger King for making such nice chips. I couldn't see what the problem was, I rarely eat in there and the chips were surprisingly good.
I can't abide bad manners it's really very unpleasant, the motto of New College Oxford and a school that shall remain nameless is "manners maketh man" something that many from all walks of life need to take on board.

TBH Daltec if I were the head or teachers of your DD's new school I would rather have your initial response than the oppposite. However if you do pass
Zero's "3 foot x 4 foot dancing /singing Santa" card in the shop don't waste it on the new school, there would be some posters on this thread who would love it instead .

Never OP. You're obviously a credit to your clever DD.

Of course, although we've been debating this for fun, the school in question could be the very one where a different course of action might be wholly appropriate. (And it's not going to make one jot of difference either way.)

Just really enjoying this thread. Lovely to think Daltec has such a delightful quandary, and fun to read all the deft responses.

Wish you could stop in at my DDs' school and do a little workshop on manners! Alas, my children just don't listen to me. Then again, I don't think my advice is quite as good!

I'm still waiting for the restrained and tasteful family I feel I deserve.

Zero I'm still waiting in forlorn anticipation for somebody to send me one of those.

I did say "low key" just in case, in her justifiable excitement, the OP's eye should wander to the 3 foot x 4 foot dancing /singing Santa in the card shop window...

summerends, for the life of me I cannot see the difference when or where a 'thank you' should or should not be expressed either verbally or in a written form. Therefore, Daltec's query does not make any difference to me as I stated in my opening post.

Zero cross posted! As you might surmise 'heartless' is my middle name! Plus Daltec might then have the dilemma of what type of Christmas card .

Peteneras a verbal thankyou after a bus or a taxi drive or to a waiter bringing a meal is very little effort, shows civility and acknowledgement of the person. You could choose not to say thank you if the service was poor.
That is different to Daltec's query as Zero has summarised.

Hmm. I'm considering your heartless rejection of my Christmas card summer. I'm prepared to modify my advice to this extent

If it's a huge school offering more than erm ... 13(?) schols per year - don't bother with Christmas until she joins.

If it's a smallish school offering fewer than ... five (?) scols per year - rude not to (because it's Christmas. )

Anything in between. Depends.

Have to say I'd be amazed if even the grandest HM viewed an innocent Christmas card as a faux pas in these circumstances. But I wouldn't say thank you.

Rather like Transport for London (TfL) who needs paying passengers to survive and paying passengers needing TfL to move about in order to carry out their businesses/professions or simply their daily lives. It's also a 2-way relationship benefitting both sides. It doesn't stop Londoners from thanking the bus driver(s) - who incidentally also depend on passengers to keep their jobs - when they disembark.

(That was a reply to peteneras btw.)

The people the OP's DD should thank are, as a pp has stated above, her parent(s), her teachers and anyone else who supported her through the application and exam process.

The OP and her DD may well feel gratitude towards the new school - what needs to be expressed is the determination to make the most of the opportunity. The scholarship is in the gift of the school but it is not a gift. It is the beginning of a two way relationship. The school needs clever, talented pupils who will enhance its status through their success just as much as the OP's DD needed the schol to help her fulfill her potential.

In your formal letter of acceptance you could add a brief note thanking the teachers for helping your DD feel at ease and that she is looking forward to joining. I don't think that is OTT but a separate thankyou or Christmas card might be.
Huge congratulations to your DD .

Is this dependent on her GCSE results? If so, isn't it jumping the gun a little?