Headmistress attacks parents in national press

I suspect CF is not alone in feeling that the landscape has changed in West London private schools. Odd snippets from a friend who used to be a Deputy Head, from someone who knows a recently retired Head, plus obviously parents, who are concerned about the educational arms race and the impact on our own children. There are advantages in raising children in London, but disadvantages as well.

However in CF's case I feel there is an irony. When she started a few years back, there were complaints that she was changing the character of the school, focussing on recruiting absolute academic top performers at 11+ rather than continue a slightly broader approach. (Someone up-post suggests previously there was an interest in daughters of "interesting families", certainly they now seem to take a smaller proportion from state primaries than neighbouring schools. )

I am not a SPGS parent, though have met quite a few over recent years. From the outside it seems that this has created a few problems:

1. It is difficult to separate out the very bright from the heavily coached aged 10. You will also be picking up all-rounders, when future star performers might have noticeable strengths and weaknesses.

1. It is the go-to school for sections of the very affluent ex-pat community. Part is the security of a brand name, when faced London's confusing array of selection and choice. Additionally in the case of SPGS, parents seem to be very involved in quite a lot of aspects of school life, in a way that seems more American than British. This then provides a important social dimension meaning parents seem to know each other better and spend more time in each other's company than at other schools.

1. Again from the outside, pupils seem to believe they are part of an elite, and indeed some seem to assume that by being at the school they are brighter and better than others. This provides a pressure in that failing (less than an A* in many cases) suggests they are not worthy of their place or have let the school down. Indeed I have heard girls, and in one instance a mother, come out with things like "she's not very bright, I don't know how she got into the school".The external impression is of a competitive environment, which suits the majority but leaves a minority quite unhappy. DD knows/knows of at least three in her year group who have left as a result.

CF will not set direction on her own. The Governors will presumably want to see the school remain at the top of League tables. The trouble is that from the top the only way is down, and some relaxation to bring in a more interesting group of students might reduce the pressure cooker atmosphere, but might impact on results. (Bright or not, and most are bright, the majority of SPGS pupils seem to work incredibly hard, and hence earn the impressive results.)

She will want to maintain the bursary programme and this requires fundraising. Again I assume I am not the only one to have witnessed boasting from a SPGS mother delighted her banker husband was deemed sufficiently well off to meet the criteria to be invited to a CF fundraising dinner.

The demands of American college entry are such that girls have to exhibit leadership, music, sports and other accomplishments as well as first rate academics. This take some organising.

Very few of the SPGS mothers we have met work, in part because they don't need to. Almost all are very highly educated. I accept that there will be others at the school who have been to state primaries or are on bursaries. However the impression we have is of a parent body where aspirations are sky high, and mothers have the time and resources to support their daughter's education. Of a school which demands top academic standards, and is also looking for the parents to support the school both with time and the occasional large cheque. At the same time entry to top UK and US colleges is getting more and more competitive, indeed I think Ivy League applications have more than doubled in the past five years, and these girls are not allowed to fail.

Its not quite the same in other schools, but the elements are there. Snowplough parenting is a good word. Whilst at the same time there are parents like us who check diaries to make sure there is someone at home as we work to ensure we can afford the fees. DD says she preferred our slightly neglectful approach, but her results may have been better if I had had the time to helicopter. Who knows, she might even have got into SPGS!

Poisonwoodlife All very sensible and what you say about SPS is interesting too. Might parents at that school have felt intimidated about speaking out, as you appear to indicate? That's really OP's question here too and my answer is she shouldn't be frightened about raising her concerns.

Self esteem is essential for all young people, wherever they are and whatever their background, I completely agree with you. That's why I find Clarissa Farr's reported comments very odd indeed (and, btw, out of line with what other heads say): "Snowplough parents is a great description...self-esteem valued above all other attributes, anything that might threaten self-esteem must be moved to the side". Did she misspeak?

The "Ethos" page on her school's website didn't help me understand what she really thinks or suggest to me that she was "inspiring" in any way, hence my earlier facetious comments.

If I was a parent at SPGS, I expect I would be rather unimpressed. I sympathise with OP's wish to raise her concerns.

Rabbitstew

Granola I most definitely do not think that Heads know best, you only have to look across the river at St Paul's Boys' School to know they are capable of making some very bad decisions indeed. Ironically when a few more whistle blowers might have shed more light on the arrogance that led to processes that should have been implemented not being (and I know people who could but dare not) the parent body seem to have largely come together to support the school to try and minimise the damage, I just hope that won't result in complacency and lessons not learnt.

I also take the view that whilst the Head of a school and her staff have hundreds of pupils and far more experience than I of their lives, they do not have more experience of my own DDs, and if I feel they are being adversely affected psychologically by what happens at school I have every reason to take it up with Heads of Year and even the Head. It works both ways. So the Heads of their schools have generally come to know me very well indeed, but that is another story........ OP s considers her daughter happy and willing to throw herself into school life regardless of being best so there isn't a problem, apart perhaps as rabbit says the level of homework.

However on this issue Mrs Farr is in no way out of line with all the other Head's in feeling they face this problem, or in the way she addresses it, and from personal experience it is a serious problem that needs addressing by the leaders of these communities. She just got outed in the interests of a different press agenda. But for those bleating that these are wealthy london problems, well the problems facing state schools are first world problems. Why don't we all just weep for those school communities now facing Ebola or all the many greater problems faced by children around the world but if I see a child whose mental health and self esteem has been undermined by parental behaviour whatever the home background then I think those in a position to address the underlying problem should do it, and I do have a tear to spare (whilst urging people to give generously to charities that are tackling the Ebola crisis)

My DDs are both now at RG unis and I like the fact that they are now thrown into communities where their West London private school background means diddly squat and they are discovering there are lots of bright young people out there with shared values from all sorts of backgrounds. In fact their knowledge of Chinese culture is a great deal more useful. But then like many West London parents we weren't in it for the status, we aren't especially affluent, it was just the only way to get a good school place for our DDs.

Blimey, some people are a bit snippy.

I'll leave you to talk amongst yourselves.

Yes, good advice, rabbitstew. Let's hope Ms Farr can find the time for that conversation.

Good advice I think Rabbitstew

I've read the articles in various newspapers and don't see how the OP has managed to conclude that Ms Farr was criticising ALL parents. To be entirely honest, that just seems a bit paranoid to me. If you don't want to be accused of frenetic anxiety, then don't get so anxious, particularly since being overly concerned about what others think of you is one of Ms Farr's criticisms of some parents at the school. Basically, if you are happy with your school choice and your relationship with your child, then I don't understand why the article is getting to you.

I would just respond to it by suggesting to Ms Farr that you think your dd is being given a bit too much homework and it is interfering with your quality time with her, and see how she reacts!

whatthe wealth doesn't bring that many problems with it. Trust me .

Some niggles, perhaps. And some like to talk them up. Perhaps to put off those that might like a slice of the pie? Gosh, no, you really wouldn't like these huge advatages, your're better off as you are.

And people smile and nod. Yes, I really really would not like it.

As for whether a lecturer can afford fees, well it depends what their partner earns. The chap in the office next to mine works part time, but his wife is a partner at Goldmans .

gregorsamsa it depends where you teach.

I work in one university where it's hard to get to know students very well, but another where tutes are just me and them, so we know a lot more about each other.

Also regarding admissions, the first university sinmply does it electronically. No person gets involved other than the department admin staff. If the candidates have x, y, z they get an offer. End of story.
The second university hand picks. An enormous amount of time is taken in sifting and interviewing etc.

MN164 I do think my post was relevant, as, like others on this thread, I am bemused by the level of wealthy parental angst. It is almost as if having wads of cash to spend on education causes more problems than it solves.

I was also a bit surprised by PiratePandas post as I work in HE so I know what a lecturer earns - less than me and I couldn't afford whopping great school fees. I am also unconvinced of their value - and the contents of this thread have rather reinforced my view.

I can't really address Ms Farr's relations with the parent body because I don't really know enough about that relationship! I did say that I think she probably has a point and just expressed it rather badly. I can see why the OP feels upset. I do think it's probably not worth dwelling on from her point of view unless she feels it is actually aimed at her (in which case she would have needed to hear it). From what she's said, she's not that type of parent, though.

Even if your parents are not pushing you to succeed it must be pretty scary to get a string of Bs and Cs

Nobody gets a string of Bs and Cs, probably not even at A Level. Not now and not even in the olden days when I was there - someone might have got half Bs and one C and the rest As or something (but the marking system was completely different and in those days it was vanishingly rare for anyone to get all As). Honestly, it just doesn't happen.

whattheseithakasmean

I think the thread is about headteacher/parent relations and, potentially, work(study) life balance of adolescents at school.

The private/state school - London/Home Counties/Rest of UK debate is a great one, but I don't think this one.

GregorSamsa

"If my experience as a university lecturer is anything to go by I would have reason to know or remember which school any of my students came from, because it has no relevance to what they do at university. "

That's a shame. That means you have no anecdotal evidence to enhance this discussion at all. Time for a cup of tea?

PiratePanda as a university lecturer, how could you possibly afford to send any daughter you had to St Pauls? Is that not the nub of the issue - it is so expensive as to exclude just about everyone.

I am another poster grateful for living in Scotland where we have a genuinely comprehensive system (apart from the continued existence of Catholic schools in certain areas). One school for all - imagine that?

Yes, there are private schools, but the vast vast majority of children will go to their local comp - and there has been no societal break down as a result of this lack of 'choice'.

PiratePanda

More anecdotal evidence that doesn't suit people's ill informed preconceptions. How dare you?

That said, a data set of 5 a theory does not make.

It has relevance to a thread specifically on St Paul's Girl's though, no?

I do admissions. I know where all my students come from. I could have talked about students from other schools, good, bad and indifferent, etc etc but it would be irrelevant to THIS thread.

Back off.

If my experience as a university lecturer is anything to go by I would have reason to know or remember which school any of my students came from, because it has no relevance to what they do at university.

Seriously, I think it's quite odd to specifically know which students you've taught are from a particular school, even one as high profile as St Paul's.

Just saying. From a higher ed perspective, the fuss around particular schools seems bizarre - we have fantastic students from all sorts of different schools.

It is lunatic that this story hit the front page of The Times and there is certainly a lot of ill informed gossip about these hyper expensive schools. Opopanax's post quite rightly addressed that but it didn't address OP's original complaint which was about the current High Mistress's relations with her parent body.

OP's subsequent post reporting that Ms Farr was inviting parents to have a word with her if they happened to meet her at a school event confirms that there is a problem. The impression given is that she is not making time to get to know the parents, despite the mind boggling fees (£22.5k pa) she demands from them. A case of "affluent neglect", I'd say.

If she did make time for that relationship, she might discover that only a few noisy parents were driving snowploughs or flying helicopters.

If my experience as a university lecturer is anything to go by I have been nothing but impressed with the unpretentiousness, individuality, social concern and interior resilience of all the Paulinas I have taught in the past ten years. Going by the product the teaching and the parenting must be getting something right. If I had a daughter I would not hesitate to send her to St Paul's.

Perhaps the high mistress has noticed a recent change in the intake and is concerned about it?

WF

Can we get MNHQ to add "WQ" to the acronyms dictionary? I like the tone of it.

WF and Granola

Of course any thread about private schools is talking to a very "narrow" audience. Any issues there are dwarfed by the 95% state sector and the need to improve quality and outcomes there.

As for work/home life balance, our state primary sends kids to a variety of state schools. Every parent of a year 7 tells me the homework volume is huge (after the initial half term soft landing). None of them are at private schools. I'm not convinced the pressure on home life is restricted to high-end academic schools (private, faith or grammar). Add into this the fact that many parents work too (whether in a factory or a law firm).

I think the "parenting" point made by CF is quite specific to West London parents, but the wider parenting point applies to all.

The OP has every right to feel personally attacked by it and has every right to complain. Go have a chat with the head.

Well quite MN.

People on here and in RL are always experts on what my son's school is like....

Opopanax

I was waiting for you to post your thoughts. Well said. I had to acknowledge your post as no one else has yet. Perhaps truth from the inside doesn't support their view so it's being ignored? So far the OP and you are the only ones here with direct experience at SPGS (AFAIK, apols to any poster I missed). That said, a sample of 2 is not enough .

In my wide review of schools (open days etc) it is clear to me that the schools that have the biggest reputations where parents (including me) have the most pre-conceptions tend to "surprise" me the most.

There's a lot of prep-school gate gossip, speculation, third-hand stories, theories based on a sample of 1 etc etc. I would expect this for schools that make the news and which "represent" the private sector (e.g. Eton, Westminster, St Pauls, etc). What's depressing is that parents that care about their children pay attention to this sort of nonsense.

The only people I trust on the nature of a school are my own child, the pupils, parents, teachers and recent alumni. All the other indirect generalisations are useless.

Well quite granola.

The idea that high flying super-couples on their 'wealth and power trip' are so common as to be a problem we all need to prioritise...a societal emergency ...