Headmistress attacks parents in national press

apologies BLOODY computer decided to post 3 times grrrrrrrrrrr

Having been privately educated and with my children now at a state school, I do feel that parents at private schools do seem exert more control than those at state schools. But it's basic economics really, if you are paying a LOT of money for a service you will expect a lot in return, have high expectations and in most cases will not accept second best , the school to some extent realises this. (Obviously a whole other debate but IMO shows the gross inequality between state and private education).

However, whether or not I was paying for my child's education, I would see it to be totally unprofessional and corrosive if the headteacher of my child's school was quoted as publically criticising the parent body of the school. There may be a problem with over zealous parents but that needs to be dealt with within the confines of the school. So YABNU, but god knows how these problems can be overcome when parents will be making many sacrifices in a very competitive environment, the pressure will always be on the pupils to exceed at every level.

Having been privately educated and with my children now at a state school, I do feel that parents at private schools do seem exert more control than those at state schools. But it's basic economics really, if you are paying a LOT of money for a service you will expect a lot in return, have high expectations and in most cases will not accept second best , the school to some extent realises this. (Obviously a whole other debate but IMO shows the gross inequality between state and private education).

However, whether or not I was paying for my child's education, I would see it to be totally unprofessional and corrosive if the headteacher of my child's school was quoted as publically criticising the parent body of the school. There may be a problem with over zealous parents but that needs to be dealt with within the confines of the school. So YABNU, but god knows how these problems can be overcome when parents will be making many sacrifices in a very competitive environment, the pressure will always be on the pupils to exceed at every level.

Having been privately educated and with my children now at a state school, I do feel that parents at private schools do seem exert more control than those at state schools. But it's basic economics really, if you are paying a LOT of money for a service you will expect a lot in return, have high expectations and in most cases will not accept second best , the school to some extent realises this. (Obviously a whole other debate but IMO shows the gross inequality between state and private education).

However, whether or not I was paying for my child's education, I would see it to be totally unprofessional and corrosive if the headteacher of my child's school was quoted as publically criticising the parent body of the school. There may be a problem with over zealous parents but that needs to be dealt with within the confines of the school. So YABNU, but god knows how these problems can be overcome when parents will be making many sacrifices in a very competitive environment, the pressure will always be on the pupils to exceed at every level.

Having been privately educated and with my children now at a state school, I do feel that parents at private schools do seem exert more control than those at state schools. But it's basic economics really, if you are paying a LOT of money for a service you will expect a lot in return, have high expectations and in most cases will not accept second best , the school to some extent realises this. (Obviously a whole other debate but IMO shows the gross inequality between state and private education).

However, whether or not I was paying for my child's education, I would see it to be totally unprofessional and corrosive if the headteacher of my child's school was quoted as publically criticising the parent body of the school. There may be a problem with over zealous parents but that needs to be dealt with within the confines of the school. So YABNU, but god knows how these problems can be overcome when parents will be making many sacrifices in a very competitive environment, the pressure will always be on the pupils to exceed at every level.

Having been privately educated and with my children now at a state school, I do feel that parents at private schools do seem exert more control than those at state schools. But it's basic economics really, if you are paying a LOT of money for a service you will expect a lot in return, have high expectations and in most cases will not accept second best , the school to some extent realises this. (Obviously a whole other debate but IMO shows the gross inequality between state and private education).

However, whether or not I was paying for my child's education, I would see it to be totally unprofessional and corrosive if the headteacher of my child's school was quoted as publically criticising the parent body of the school. There may be a problem with over zealous parents but that needs to be dealt with within the confines of the school. So YABNU, but god knows how these problems can be overcome when parents will be making many sacrifices in a very competitive environment, the pressure will always be on the pupils to exceed at every level.

She calls herself the High Mistress spgs.org/about/staff/

Surely 'headmistress' went out of use ages ago? Head-teacher!

Unfortunately, Havetonamechange, schools often do give prizes and accolades to the less deserving. They often give the prizes to the ones who give the most money to the school!

Clarissa Farr is right in what she says. There is a dog eat dog attitude with some parents and you cannot expect a school to go along with this. She will expect the girls to support each other and be appreciative of the qualities in other girls. If parents don't like the High Mistress, they can find another school that meets their requirements. Ms Farr has made clear her expectations and they seem reasonable to me. She is a top class Head and no parent should believe in the saying "He who pays the piper calls the tune" because it is just not the case at a school like this.

There is an article on 'charity status'/Tristram Hunt in same paper - that is a whole other topic for discussion!

I think the head may be right but I do wonder 'what did she expect'.

Presumably she will be arranging a series of workshops for parents advising them how to help their children develop resilience and how support at home will fit in with the school's own efforts to foster resilience. It is certainly what local comprehensive schools have been doing in our area so I'm sure SPGS are similarly proactive (aren't they?)

My experience of snowploughing fellow parents is that they will go to any extent to push their own child forward, to the extent that they will attempt to dictate to Heads of Department how frequently they would like their children to feature at the 'top' or in the public eye.
They are the sort whose children are mentioned in every single school newsletter for their achievements (no matter how small), the sort who perform a solo in every school concert and always receive some sort of awards for music/sport/whatever (and if they are/may not, parents don't bother to attend), the sort who give themselves a bad name because of their contact contact and pushiness with school staff because they don't accept that 'no' means 'no'.
They are the sort who target other people's children (with any reasonably similar talent or skill to their own PBs), refuse to acknowledge them by applauding their performances at concerts or competitions, and bad mouth them to other parents and staff, or complain when they achieve (regardless of whatever awards their own PB may have received) to the Heads of Department, or even the Head teacher at an awards/Prizegiving, regardless of how many other parents are witness to the 'conversation'.
They are thankfully the minority at my DCs school, but they exist wherever you are.
As a parent of two DC who achieved places at selective schools with no tutoring or pressure from us and who are generally very happy at school, the competitive, pushy and anxiety-ridden environment of London private schooling is beyond me!! It is horrific!
The type of adult who would be so obsessed with their own children being 'top' of everything so that they would stoop to stonewalling fellow parents of other high-achievers disgust and baffle me in equal measure.

newgirl No she is the Head of a long established educational community as she herself emphasises if you read the excerpt "“Their children will succeed above all and they’re not at all on board with the idea of school as a community, learning to come second or that learning to give ground is an important part of education,” she said, according to The Times."

Parents may pay for the privilege but this is a highly selective school and the queue of parents who want their daughters to benefit from what it offers is very long indeed, as it is for the other highly selective west London schools like North London Collegiate and Lady Eleanor Holles. If your daughter is able enough to be offered a place and you accept it you also accept that she becomes part of the community and you are buying into it's ethos.

Talkin NLCS is so selective it doesn't need to edit out girls from taking exams in which they will not get A, they are all pretty much capable of As. The only editing is done by the pupils themselves in choosing their ten subjects, and of course how much they apply themselves, in any case they all sit Maths, English Language and Literature and the Sciences. My DD at a similar school was in the bottom set for Maths but got A*.

newgirl
No, she runs a Charity - number 1119613 to be precise - so she should be into "community"

I am surprised it made the front page of the Times - I think the head might need some PR advice. She runs a business - parents are customers. She's the head of an expensive school where parents pay for results WTF did she expect? If she wants community she could go and work in a state community school.

www.theguardian.com/education/2014/nov/29/snowplough-parents-risk-children-cope-with-failure-says-top-head

OP
the fact that you have posted this thread actually proves her point.

horsemad
Over half of DD's year got all As at GCSE and every single girl got an A in maths
out of interest, how much pre-editing (ie having girls not sit exams they will not get A* in) happened?
Also how many in the cohort?

If the High Mistress wants to change the culture at SPGS she should follow the lead of NLCS. No rankings, no prizes and grades given in confidence with a clear emphasis on self-improvement. Over half of DD's year got all As at GCSE and every single girl got an A in maths. Superb teaching and support did the trick with and parents who apply pressure on their girls are told to back off. I understand what the SPGS Head was getting at, though. I have known a number of girls who rarely see their parents and the school picks up the pieces for their inadequate home lives. I have also seen girls whose parents can't understand why the school won't heap praise and prizes on their girls. Those parents are told quite firmly to back off.

This is from the LEH Heads blog "It is both a privilege and a responsibility for all Head Teachers that they, to some extent at least, have the ear of parents. Whether or not we deserve your attention and your support is quite another matter, but you will have noticed that I am rather inclined to take advantage of this situation to speak out on matters which I feel strongly about when it comes to the education, health and well-being of your daughters. My excuse for this is that, although every one of you has hands-on experience of the joys of parenting a small number of children, I (in common with all teachers and head teachers) experience the joys of guiding and supporting many hundreds of young people. You may not agree that this gives me licence to ‘lecture’, but I take it anyway!"

No I don't think a Head should kowtow to parents, a respectful partnership surely means respecting her role as the leader of a community centred on educating the pupils according to the ethos of the school. You sign up for that ethos when you accept a place for your child. If she feels the behaviour of parents is interfering with her ability to deliver that ethos then it is her role to speak out. A Headteacher should have greater authority in the partnership, and the school community, than the parents. Secondary schools are there to provide an environment in which the pupils can develop as independent adults, not an environment where parents can indulge their need for status, control or whatever, as they so often do in Prep Schools.

One parents actually wrote into the Head of my DDs prep after his DD was not made Head Girl. "My Daughter is a failure, where do we go from here" something is really wrong with a culture where a parent thinks that is appropriate......

Isn't this the reason why parents send their dc to this school.
I know several state schools who couldn't give a shiny shit if you spend time with your dc or not.
I don't send my dd to these schools as I do give a shiny shit and spend lots of time with her.
If her criticism doesn't apply to you that's fine, if it does apply to you then yes she is talking about you.
She should be allowed to talk about the state of parenting at her own school.

This is interesting as my friend has just been to the St Paul's girls open day and her comment was "it's a school that clearly attracts those sort of parents. We tired to look past that and assess the quality of the teaching."

She talked to the head mistress as well who pretty much said she was trying to attract a different type of parent and that she hoped my friend would not judge them by a reputation she was trying to shake off. My friend did feel she wouldn't make any friends herself from the parents - so there must be a "vibe" there.

The head of the school DD is in now recently make an off the cuff remark to me about the hardest thing about interviewing the kids for the new school year intake was the parents.

I certainly have the impression from the people I have met that the higher the school's reputation the more parents think they have done their job by getting their child in it, and after that they kind of out-source the job of child rearing (particularly the child's emotional development) to the school.

Tbh, UpsetofWestLondon, it seems wrong to me to suggest that someone should not to be able to talk about something that needs talking about... You shouldn't be paying for your child's education so as to ensure that her teachers and mentors are all a bunch of sycophants.

OP - can you cut/paste the article so we may read her comments directly, or provide a link?

Clearly, not ALL parents at SPGS are the same, but perhaps it is worth examining whether you, honestly, think the 'shoe fits'. If so, a change in approach is worth thinking about. If not, move on and simply be the best parent you can be to your dd.

Is your dd happy at the school?

OP I wouldn't take it personally. All the indie Heads I have encountered, and a few Prep Heads too, have complained about the frenetic anxiety amongst west London parents, though it hasn't always made the press. I am sure she was speaking to the converted at the GSA. The more selective the school the more frustrating it is for them, and St Paul's is the most selective and possibly the entrance exam that gives rise to the most ridiculous levels of parental expectation /years of tutoring /preparation at Preps, though actually I do know girls who were selected from abroad who had not had such ridiculous levels of preparation. Having gone through the indie entrance process twice, the first time from abroad, I couldn't believe the collective hysteria that took hold during 11+ and once in the schools the competitiveness continues. The primaries / preps need to put Valium in the tea at parents evenings.....

I thoroughly support any Head who tries to tackle the ridiculous levels of parental expectation that gets put on many girls in this area. I have witnessed the fall out in terms of damaged self esteem, self harm and mental illness when a girl is given one measure of success, a place at SPGS, and a great chasm of failure if she only gets LEH, NLC, Latymer etc.