Separated and different views on secondary school

Is the Asperger's School state or independent? If independent has he been offered a place? Does he meet the entry criteria? You can't get it named on a statement unless he has an offer, and even then it's likely to be a tough slog getting the LEA to agree to fund it.

And on a final note, I suppose the answer is in law that neither of you have the final say, because in the eyes of family law you are both equal as parents and both have exactly the same rights as the other. It might help you as you've never been in court before to look up parental responsibility and the CAFCASS website, which gives a checklist of what a court will consider when making decisions about children. Ultimately, when parents can't agree, the law is applied and the law gets the final say.

Courts aren't pleasant places, and it can feel like the judge is swaying towards the other person. When this happens, if you do go to court, stay strong and don't react, I found the best way was to refer to the child being discussed as 'our son' rather than 'my son' because the judge looks to you thinking about what is in the childs best interests rather than what either parent 'wants'
And the biggest piece of advice, don't assume that you've worked out what the judge is thinking! I thought my sophisticated ex had convinced the judge of what he wanted, but in my case my ex ended up with less than he went in with because he tried to tell the judge what to do and that being a high flying businessman somehow made him 'better' than anyone else.
Steppes advice on checking the admissions requirements for both schools is essential, as you need to know quickly how much relevance your sons main address is and also whether he needs to have the specialist aspergers school named on his statement to qualify for entry, because you don't want to go down the legal route if the admissions criteria means you couldn't apply anyway x

polter is right - relationships board will find you people who will help with dealing with ex and with the legal side.

go on to SEN for how to get him into the school you want/statement help etc.

Do some research about the schools requirements.

Indeed I should polter...

You need to look on the website of your LEA and your ex LEA.

It will tell you which address is considered to be the resident address for children with 50/50 custody.
If (and I don't know) if the address to which child benefit is paid is the address they consider, then unless both schools are very undersubscribed, the choice is easy.

You put your school and his on the form in any order you like.

Your school will be close by distance and so you may get a place. His school would be considered by distance form YOUR house as YOUR house has the child benefit paid to it. It is very unlikely you would get a place as it is so far away.

BUT that wouldn't really help your relationship with your ex, and he could then go to court.

Go to the SEN boards and ask about statements. Educational provision by naming the school is normally part of the statement. You can call for an emergency statement meeting, and ask for it to be recorded that he wouldn't cope in mainstream and need the special school. But you really need to check. If he has Aspergers, but that is not spelled out anywhere, then a school specialising in Aspergers won't take him. You saying he has it means nothing if it isn't in writing.

You have very little time to decide. Your form needs to be in by 31st Oct.

Ok, as there is no contact order, then that at least doesn't have to be varied.
For the other things though, if he won't engage with mediation then you will need to apply to your local family court and apply for a specific issues order.
It doesn't cost 10K to do this.
You can represent yourself.
I think its around £200 to submit the forms
BUT do get some concrete legal advice as you have a whole combination of things going on.
Otherwise, as someone further up said, make all the arrangements, give the new arrangements to him in writing and then it would be up to him to take you to mediation and court.
It would obviously be better for your son if you didn't do this and a court could overturn any arrangements you make as there is a 'status quo' of 50/50 - which is something they would look very carefully at if hes objecting.

Inthename did answer your question - C100 from the courts for a Specific Issue Order.

Ipanema the suspicion is quite understandable;

Our son is 11 and called x [edited by MNHQ]. is not the normal 'slip up' style of accidental name revelation.

Multiple mis-spellings of 'aspergers' including in username.

The 'ex on TV ' did sound odd. It's not as though he is a local headtecher or noted educationalist. Why would teaching staff listen to his views on educational/SEN issues particularly?

there is also a slight risk with the living with x or y Monday - Friday that you are trying to vary an existing order for 50/50. If your ex disagrees with that sort of change, then that order would also have to be returned to court to be varied and signed off before returning it by a mediator.
Please also bear in mind that its not considered to be up to you to question his dads childcare arrangments when your son is scheduled to be with him, as its up to him to sort out what he considers to be appropriate.

I know a few people this could apply to so I don't see how you can assume it's made up titchy

I doubt it's shifts. More likely that schedules are busy and filming goes on until around 8 everyday. The OP's ex may not be required til 8 every day though but would probably have no routine within the parameters iyswim. Sometimes not even much advanced notice week to week either.

OP it does blind people if someone has a familiar face. Its ridiculous but I have seen it with my own eyes and it is a difficult thing to deal with as you say.

However, in your case, the fact is that the ex simply cannot provide after school care so I would say there is your answer! Ask him how he plans to care for ds mon-fri if he attends the school in his city. Tell him what you believe the school near you can offer ds.

If he refuses to engage in sensible discussion then go ahead with plans to move ds whilst attempting to engage in mediation. Keep records of how you have tried to engage. He will be the one to have to take it further if he wishes but you will have the evidence that you have acted reasonably and more importantly, in the best interests of yor ds.

Apologies if you are real, (although you've also misspelt Asbergers in your username), but the reference to his father being on telly seemed rather fantastical - it's completely irrelevant to what you are asking and there was no need to mention it. No need to mention that you work in the police, and fairly easy to work out your ds's birth year given that you're applying for secondaries.

DS1 has aspergers too. He chose his own secondary school as it was him who needed to feel comfortable there.

How does he cope with all of the to-ing and fro-ing?

then as steppe has said, if hes refused mediation and you have that in writing, your only option is to go back to court for a specific issues order. I think (not 100% sure) to do this you have to submit form C100 to a court - which also has to be signed by a mediator that mediation has been unsuccessful.
In your case, with so many different 'bits' to join up, I'd think about returning to your solicitor, even if its only to get clear advice on how this should be done, because a lot of things in family law changed in April and you don't really want to be relying on generalised advice for something this important.

Unfortunately op you could be identified. I could do an internet search on tv kids born in 2003 called xx, and it wouldn't be hard to track it down.

It is scary how easy it is to find things on-line.

This site is friendly and supportive, but it is also common for people to put up fake posts. regulars in here are very sharp to make sure a poster is genuine.

If you are intending to send him to a school for Aspergers kids, then I assume he has a statement? If not, how will you get him in there? If he has a statement, then the professionals involved should have some suggestions for his schooling. The school needed can be specified on the statement.

If he won't mediate, your only option is to go back to court.

I think that the address considered for the child for school admissions is the address where the child benefit is paid. So on that basis you need to apply for a school near you anyway, he won't get into a school near your ex with an address near you.

Have you asked your son what he wants too?