ETON - will DS fit in?

Wealth in the prep my kids go to varies from struggling single mum in rented flat to family that owns one of the biggest airlines in the world.
No-one gives a shit about any of that. Some of the old money families only really socialise with similar, but generally everyone rubs along fine. And the only kids that give a shit about that kind of stuff are the ones you'd not want your kids to mix with anyway.
There's one family who have never had any kids back for a play date or sleepover and we all think its because they live in a small terrace. We feel really sorry for them, not because they aren't wealthy, but because they care about it themselves. That's just really sad. We judge people on whether their kids are kind and mannered, not on the ousts they live in.

Ah, sorry your DS feels like that about school Millwold, and tbh, some aspects of formal schooling even gets in the way of real learning which is why I am sure there are many home educators out there.

There is much more to education than A stars at GCSE...but you wouldn't think so in terms of how schools are judged in the obsession with league tables

As for Eton, I know parents who want Eton above all (and sometimes for brand reasons without even considering dispassionately about whether it is the right school) and others who can afford it but wouldn't dream of sending their boy there because they just don't think it's a good fit there and it is just too much of an "institution" for them in the sense that you will forever be known as an OE with all that entails.

As you said, gut feel is probably all you can go with and if you feel Eton is the best fit then you should go for it.

You shouldn't choose any school purely because of the brand no matter how famous. Having said that, if he really wants to go for the right reasons, then he should... Eton may not be the right school for every boy even if they get in...as someone else said it's important that a boy feels "happy in his own skin" wherever he goes. Too many parents look at the school first then their child, it should be the other way round. The question is not what is the best school in the world of course but what is the best school for my particular boy.

The teachers don't care (well actually they're proud not just to be teaching rich kids), the boys don't care and the parents didn't seem to either.

Well done to your DS OP. Mine has just started his third year and is loving it.

Like you, we were a bit apprehensive about the disparity in wealth/background, but it has been a complete non-issue, nobody seems to care, least of all the boys. They are typical teens and just all want to the be the same. If anything, the boys from very wealthy families are more likely to be on the receiving end of a ribbing if they turn up with obviously very expensive stuff, whereas my DSs ancient phone (DHs old work phone) was a big hit with the other boys because it was so unusual.

In terms of pastoral care he will get a lot of support, not only from the staff, but the other boys as well - quite a lot of it he probably won't even be aware of. In the Tony Little interview linked to upthread, he talks about it as an invisible net. They are quite used to dealing with boys who are a bit more highly-strung.

It is such a strange place, because it is such a competitive and macho environment, but it is such a close and nurturing community at the same time.

Millwoll my DCs may hanker after some possessions including iPhones but actuall,y like you would do ,we hold back and my DS is fine at a similar type school. Some of the boys there will have incredibly expensive watches or clothes or headphones or holidays but as middleclass and others say it is actually a good life lesson that none of these define a boy or his friendships. I think like every parent whose DC says 'everybody has one' you can repeat the mantra 'many don't' even at a school like Eton.

I imagine he will be unable to avoid the disparity in ownership of things and holidays but is that a reason not to go? These situations rear their heads throughout life - like my non-drinking daughter going to Uni. It's a case of is it worth it? Unless there are other issues (which others will help with as my only experience of Eton is a close friend of mine when there eons ago and who is one of the loaded ones - or would have been.) I would think this is an opportunity not to be missed!

I imagine it is a perfectly normal response to be feeling apprehensive and a bit wobbly.

tbh - and this is only my small experience of 3 landed gentry families, they all tend to have the most normal down to earth children, able to mix with all sorts as they need to communicate daily with their estate -workers-- Its the new money types that are the snotty ones…

What a life changing once in a lifetime experience - he must go for it !

It is inevitable than many of his peers at Eton will have expensive gadgets often in the multiples, loads of pocket money, although schools often try and restrict how much money pupils have but parents ignore this sadly and of course expensive clothes etc. But this is life, wherever he goes he will meet people with more than him he needs to get used to it as soon as possible. I know this sounds hard but it's an important life lesson.
My DS has many incredibly wealthy friends, with matching life styles, a world where swimming pools, 8+ bedroomed houses huge gardens, stately homes and owning land as far as the eye can see are the norm, many have 3-4 brand new iPhones (why?) a couple of iPads, expensive lap tops etc. This has been his experience of school friends since he was little, he has no "normal average friends". He neither covets their possessions or lifestyle in fact the complete opposite. He's learnt over the years that having all of this doesn't make you happy. He's seen his friends parents go through terribly acrimonious divorces, two mothers have died as have two siblings, he know some have alcoholic parents and he's even once witnessed domestic violence. He's very popular with all despite being from a "normal average background" and being a little eccentric.

I can't believe that I am posting on your thread as I'm no supporter of private education, but you might find this radio 4 broadcast with the head of Eton interesting.

You will get lots of reassurance from here from posters with experience, particularly with him having more of a chance of fitting in and making friends at Eton than at a standard prep school. However this is a chance for you to experience the pastoral care there. Why don't contact his future housemaster and chat things over and arrange another visit or for him to stay over there. I am sure that you are not the only family to feel like this at this stage.

IME the others boys won't care about his background my DS has never found it a problem, or the few that do make it a problem are generally disliked by all.
But you have to be realistic even if 20% are on bursaries and that's a lot the other 80% and not going to be normal or from "average" backgrounds, they will be very wealthy because in the real world only the very wealthy can pay 35k plus extras in school fees a year (probably at least double that because most have two children if not three), they will live in large houses, drive expensive cars, take expensive holidays and have 1,2,3,4 holiday homes around the world. You and your DS should not be intimidated having all of this doesn't make you cleverer or a better person.
Eton is also very big so plenty of opportunities to find like minded friends and there are also loads of opportunities outside of sport although I do believe sport is compulsory three days a week. If I were you iPod find out what sports are on offer during games it varies enormously from school to school.
Let him go and hopefully he'll have a time of his life and enjoy all the wonderful things Eton offer, it's a once in a life time opportunity.