Is your child in the top set of a comprehensive school? Can I ask you something?

My older two dds are in top sets at the local (non-leafy) comp. They and their friends aren't bullied. It seems to be acceptable to be clever and motivated, my 13yo in particularly is in a group where they all compete quite strenuously for the top marks.
This is in a school which many of the local parents will avoid like the plague. Certainly not the sort that mumsnetters like on the local education threads. If you go on those threads they're mostly comparing notes on how to avoid our comp, and the other local comps. It's an area with a lot of private schools. So, not a posh comp. But my dds and their friends are v happy there.

But I didn't really expect it to be otherwise, I went to a comp and it was OK/normal to be clever and high achieving there too, in the top sets. People were more likely to get bullied for social issues than cleverness. And sometimes there's an overlap in those two things, so a bright but socially awkward kid had a more difficult time socially than a bright but socially competent kid (that was at my school in the 80s. I think my dds' comp is much tougher on bullying, as most schools seem to be these days).

My DD is in a rural comp in top set for english, maths and science, she was bullied in year 7 but not really for being bright (bully girls also in top set) but more because she "didn't fit in" (doesn't like make up/shopping/boys).

Surely there would be at least 30 kids spread over the "top sets" - they can't all be bullied surely? I think you are in trouble if you are in a top set and are weak or friendless, but back in the 90s I was in top set for maths and science (iirc) and was bummed out about being in second class for english (out of 7) as all my best mates were in the top. Think it was something to aspire towards. All the popular girls were on one massive table in our english group, I was not on that but got no trouble for it either.

Also depends on your other subjects. I did drama with some of the other popular kids, although we weren't friends they wouldn't give me grief either as we would frequently be put into groups by the teacher.

The bottom line is if you have a group of mates you will probably be left alone. If you don't, you may get picked on. There was a little bit of bullying at one point but that wasn't to do with intelligence, just jealousy. But then I went to what was the top comprehensive, so the ethos there may have been different anyway, achieving was definitely part of the culture.

My DS1 was top or second set for most things (except games, art, French) and was very good at maths and science. He was viewed as geeky but never bullied for being a 'boff.'

I was in top sets for everything in a comp in the seventies. I was bullied for being a 'keener' by some of the more aggressive kids. I was pleasantly surprised to find that that was no longer the norm.

My DS2, who is autistic and at the same school with a statement, has been bullied as he is easy to wind up and stands out, however.

TOSN there is only one secondary school in our small town. Parts of the town are moderately leafy, though probably not by MN standards. Other parts are moderately rough. The school is insanely tough on bullying because with such a mixed intake, they can't afford to let it happen - it would have an adverse effect on their results.

My sds is top set at school in a rough area in the NE, she's a total rock chick and plays guitar, I think it saves her from the bullies.

South London Comprehensive - has an entrance exam so they can spilt applicants into ability bands and then takes an equal proportion from each band, so truly is a mix of abilities. DSs have been in both top and mid sets depending on subject and are pretty adamant that there's no bullying due to which set you're in.

Absolutely not. Dd1 is top set year 10 and has never had any negative comments about being top set. She has had comments about other things but not about being clever.

I also teach at a normal state comp and bullying of any sort is stamped out very quickly. Tbh in my school, comments are more common about lower sets rather than top sets.

The culture in both my school and dd1's school is that being clever and successful is the desirable thing to be. The vast majority of pupils want to progress and move up.

My children went to a very "nice" state junior school in a very middle class village

There is also a private school

Both schools were at a hockey match (which our kids lost because they didn't play hockey) and I heard a private school child say "now we have to play a match with the rough children" to his mum

private school bullying was pretty horrible too fwiw

state schools have more to lose by allowing bright kids to under-perform : so they try not to

a good state school will also find something that every kids is good at to reduce feelings of jealousy

Both mine in top sets of a comp. Neither have ever been bullied for being seen as clever.

This is a nice thread to read! My kids will be going comp when the time comes.

My mum got bullied for being bright (in the 60s!) and is horrified at this. But there were some pretty damn vile people at my selective private school so...

TOSN
But my house is NOT in the naice leafy catchment : its firmly in the catchment for the school that had no science teachers for a term.

Christonabike, Hakluyt.

This thread is indeed fab - but I notice that those who cling to the idea that the top set must be separate (at the same time as insisting on the absolute normality and ordinariness of their clever children) have not given it a glance.

I also suspect that answer would be fine: good for you, you bought a house in the catchment of a leafy comp. Not everyone can do that, which is why there should be grammars .

It's great to see this thread but I'm horribly afraid the stereotype will be hard to eradicate - like the "social mobility" thing with grammar schools - disproved by every piece of serious research but still widespread in the media.

mother
on the bus home DS was careful to not get involved with a fracas among the kids who do not go to yob central.
They fight among themselves, they do not pick on him for being a geek.

DD is ever so proud of the "Geek" mug she was given by a friend when she was at the school.

Intimidation is probably a bit harsh

Big boys pushing past smaller boys or saying "move midget!!", so not being hurt or frightened just unnerved

There is bullying at the school, but my children (so far) have not suffered from it

Just spoke to ds1 (year 11) and d2 (year 7) and they have told me that the year 11's are quite upset at the "rudeness" of the year 7's!!!! I think that's funny...youth of today!!

And in the same way that reception children in the infants are "picking" on the year 2s, the year 7's are doing the same !!

Non-leafy ones, obviously.

I am most heartened by the number of our kids who seem to be defying the MN cliche.

Large Sarf Lunnon comps are obviously the way to go